Darn, Darn, Darn

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Darn, Darn, Darn
5
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 7:13pm

My eldest DS is living in Victoria, BC on a year's leave of absence working on his master's degree in child & youth work. He has been honest saying that he isn't certain he will return back to us here in Ontario. He is loving it out there and having lots of great opportunities come forward for the future. But he also was drawn back to work on his thesis next year while returning to work. He works for our local municipal government as a parks and recreation supervisor. He loves working with his boss & this was one of the things that was drawing him back home. Well, he knew there was a major reorganization happening at work but figured that his role was safe. He just got a call welcoming him into a new position from his new boss. This is a man that my DS has no respect for and has always refused to work for when asked to do so in the past. So needless to say, DS is very unhappy. His old boss is on vacation until tomorrow, so he will call her tomorrow to figure what happened. He suspects that this took place when she was away and she wasn't involved. Their district had the highest ratings & his assumption is that he is being moved to help pull the district with the lowest ratings upward.

I don't care why it happened, I just figure that this will make his decision to remain in Victoria final and I miss him.

Darn, darn, darn.

Dee

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 6:51pm

Did your ds get to talk to his old boss to find out what's going on?I hope for your sake that he decides to return "home". It is hard having them so far away.

My dd is 3000 miles away, and my ds will be moving about 400 miles away in the fall. I doubt that dd will ever move back here although I could see her moving to L.A. or S. F. someday. Ds might come back here, but not for at least 5 years, and I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up somewhere else entirely, it will depend on where he finds work in his field. I guess there will be travel in my future!

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 9:44pm
Thanks, I really don't expect him to come home. How do you handle your dd being so far way? Does she stay in touch by phone & email? J isn't a home body like my other 2 but he is the one that I relate too easiest. We can talk for hours, don't agree often but still enjoy our time. He is waiting for his old boss to find out what happened. She got back from vacation today to an email from her boss saying, sorry we had to move J and you have to post for a replacement but no explanation. She was furious as J has worked for her since he was 16. He has had other jobs but always kept some form of part time position working for M until he went full time 2 yrs ago.

Lucky at wondering kids as a travel opportunity is a positive.

Dee
Avatar for shirley_v
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2000
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 4:24pm

Perhaps things will change, Dee?

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 9:58pm
James doesn't have a partner right now & therefore that makes it easier for him to be flexible on his location decisions. He is rather challenging to be in a relationship with even though he has had a couple of serious ones. He ends up breaking up as he feels that your first loyality is to be the best person that you can & try to reach goals you set for yourself. Most of us don't take this as seriously as he does.

He has never had any respect for his new boss. They have both worked for the town for several yrs although James is about 5 yrs younger. His old boss sent him the update she received from senior mgmt which she shouldn't have but they are that close. Turns out that James has been moved to add strength to the town area that is the weakest due to poor staffing/leadership. While a wonderful compliment, I doubt that it will convince James to return. But I haven't given up hope. I do find that when he is home, we don't see much of each other as he has a very full life with work, school, volunteer commitments & his acting/producing hobby. In away, we talk more about his life than when he is closer to home. So maybe you & your DD will find more time together with her being away. Although, it is nice that you have your trip to look forward to and it sounds like her travel plans are coming along too. So that is good. Is she making these arrangements on her own or are you/DH or her brother doing it for her.

James has promised to come home for July & Aug even if he returns full time to Victoria. If it's like Xmas, then I will be ready to say "have a nice trip". James & Ian are so much alike & they dislike the same things about each other, so there are battles when we live together longer than 2 wks. I get caught between the 2 of them & most of the time I can keep my sense of humour because one will start complaining about the other & then it reverses but they are both complaining about the same thing but can't see their own behaviour is exactly the same. The other problem is that James has always been really close to me - yes, he was a Momma's boy who has become totally independent but he is very protective of me. I have to be careful not to get upset with Ian or the other kids around James or he is ready to do battle. Most of the time, it's with me telling me to stand up for myself as I would prefer to avoid a battle & just let people vent without taking it personally.

Oh well, I didn't have kids to keep them tied to my apron strings. All those years of teaching them to be independent were to let them live their lives their way not mine. And Victoria is nicer than Toronto in the winter with only a quick hop to Vancouver then over to Hawaii. So I can visit & go on some vacations if I ever retire. lol

Dee
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 10:20pm

Dee, in answer to "how do I handle it" I guess the answer is "with some difficulty". We email a little, sometimes talk on the phone, and we're friends on Facebook although she and I don't often "comment" to each other, its more a way for me to see the updates that she posts for her friends' benefit. The phone communication is irregular, I rarely call her because her schedule is very erratic. She is a server at 2 different restaurants and the shifts vary (brunch, lunch, or dinner) and even what time she might start or finish the shift can vary. If she is busy then I might not hear from her for 10-14 days but by that point I've usually sent her an email saying that I'm thinking of her. Before she broke up with her bf we video-chatted a few times (using his computer)