DD wants to go to work in Berlin...!

Avatar for shirley_v
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Registered: 04-29-2000
DD wants to go to work in Berlin...!
10
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 3:07pm

I don't

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 02-19-2011 - 2:20pm

It does sound like you'll need to sit down with her to hear the details, although maybe this plan is still in the 'thinking out loud" stage. My dd used to do that, I'd hear different schemes and start getting worried until I learned that she was just talking.

How often do you get to really see your dd and spend some one on one time without interruptions? Is she the sort to easily answer questions about her plans, or does she see it as you prying or being negative or controlling or something like that?

Avatar for deenow17
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Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 9:39am
Shirley,
The good news is that your DD is planning on going to the same place as your DS and that would relieve me if it were my daughter. My daughter worked around the world from the time she was 17 to 27 during her summers then after university for a couple of years. She spent 8 wks in Hamburg and enjoyed it. It was less trouble not speaking the language there than her trips to Taiwan. I don't really understand the restlessness but it seems to hit some kids. My daughter worked in Taipai, Seoule, Shanghai (her favourite place to shop), Toyko, Paris, Hamburg, New York & Miami (her favourite place to party). What a lucky girl as the life experiences were amazing - good & bad.

My eldest son is sounding more & more like he won't be returning home in Aug from Victoria where he is working on his masters. He had 3 job offers last week alone. He really likes it out there but is struggling with giving up his job of 10 yrs and making the final committment to leave his family. Does your son plan on being in Germany forever?

Is your DD practical or does she do the emotional thing? My oldest 2 are more practical and so their trips were well planned. James has a budget that he is using and won't step out of it unless he makes extra cash to compensate. He has add'l money saved but it isn't to be used for day to day expenses. He is very strict with himself.

I hope if the bar is closing for renovations that your DD doesn't quit but rather uses this as a layoff to qualify for EI. I assume she lives on her own & how will she pay her bills if she quits in Mar but doesn't leave for a few mths? Will she move back home with you?

Remember that sweet little baby you held & dreamed about? No one really told us that we would still be worried about them when we were old & gray. Oh wait, we are gray because of them. lol

Dee
Avatar for shirley_v
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Registered: 04-29-2000
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 4:52pm

Responding to yours and Dee's comments and questions:

Avatar for shirley_v
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Registered: 04-29-2000
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 5:07pm

Dee, I wrote a post under Elspeth's post, but it was also to answer and respond to your post as well.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sun, 02-20-2011 - 8:28pm

Shirley, I really know what you mean about wanting to know the basics of your dd's life. That's exactly how I felt a lot of the time for the last few years that my dd was living here--in fact that's why I joined Facebook, to see my kids' updates so I would know what they were up to! My dd did call to vent or dump sometimes, and then I knew more than I wanted to lol, but a lot of the time I felt very disconnected from her and I missed knowing who she was becoming. Like you, I accepted it, and I got used to not having much contact. Since she moved so far from home she is often the one who seeks out communication, which is nice.

Avatar for deenow17
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Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 02-21-2011 - 12:34pm
Shirley, questions are fine with me. My problem is always not writing too much. It's hard to keep up with everyone esp when you first join a board. Yes, I have 3 kids - Sandy is the eldest at 31, then James at 28 and Andrew at 24. Sandy was the most conventional of the 3. She was very lucky in everything came easy to her. She excelled at sports, school, dance, etc. plus she is beautiful. Her travels were to work as a model & so because most of her work permits were as a visitor not a worker then she would just stay 6 to 8 wks somewhere. She did most of her gr 11 to 13 by correspondance in high school. Then only travelled during her summers when she was in university. She has her honours bachelor of science. She applied for her masters but the area of study she wanted was filled that yr with no openings until the following yr. So she decided to have fun, travel & party. Got carried away with it, didn't apply the following year for her masters. After about 18 mths of the fun life, she decided it was time to grow up. She was just starting to pull applications for her MCAT, masters programs, alternative options like paramedic when she discovered she was pregnant - presciption drugs cancelled out birth control. Noah (4) was 10 wks early & has mobility problems. Sandy works full time shift work as a lab tech team lead for a drug testing company. She is saving as she hopes to go back to school in a few yrs. She & her fiance are getting married in Aug after 7 yrs together. Sandy has been in no rush to get married.

Then there is James, he is currently attending UVic taking his masters in child & youth work. He was my beautiful blond boy who was extremely shy. He did well in school but had to work at sports with the exception of swimming, cross country running & figure skating. He was only allowed the 1 yr in skating before Ian put him in hockey which ended after the 1st year. James hated it. James was diagnosed with a hearing loss at 3 and has worn hearing aids since then. I got mine 3 mths before James. Apparently 50% chance of inheriting this if your parent has the loss. At 10, he was diagnosed with fibromyalgia & has struggled with this pain since. James dropped out of school at 17 after 2 friends committed suicide 3 wks apart. He had decided to work on his school through correspondance. He is into the theatre both as a performer, director, producer and writer. He has always loved kids and has worked with our local parks & recreation since he was 17. He is employed full time now. He tried a lot of different things and decided at 21 to go to college for child & youth worker. Then after he did that, he went to university to get his BA in the same subject. This is where he is so focused. He worked full time & when to school full time as he could do most of his courses through e-learning. Now he is talking about his Phd and not returning to Toronto when classes finish this summer. He has no SO but a lot of very close friends.

My baby is Andrew. He & Sandy are very alike in their personalities and are extremely close in spite of the 7 yrs between them. He like her excelled in sports. Unlike her, he struggled in school due to a learning disability. His love growing up was hockey. He couldn't get on that ice enough each week. However, he is very small - always considered to look a yr if not 2 younger than he was when growing up. Once hockey involved contact, his hockey skills didn't matter to coaches & he experienced rejection due to his size several times. This followed him into his teens when he quit all sports & once his sister headed off to university started the troubled teen years. He only has his grade 10 as he stopped going to school, got into a lot of trouble but turned around when he was 18/19. He worked very hard at a university bridging program & now has 2 yrs of university behind him. He has learned the hard way that he can't handle full time school. It's just not him so he does e-learning too. He & his fiancee just got engaged in Dec and are planning a summer 2013 wedding. He is trying to focus on a business career and so quit bartending to work for Staples as a team lead for the copy centre. He loved it to start but is bored now after a few mths. So looking around, trying to determine what other business jobs he can get to help him gain experience. In spite of having 2 yrs of university and working on his 3rd (different major now), he doesn't have his high school diplomia & needs to get his GED as employers are looking for that since his university is incomplete. He is scheduled to take this next mth. He would prefer to go back to bartending as it pays better. His fiancee is a sweetheart & the perfect match for him. She is down to earth, practical & focused on being his cheering section. However, she has no interest in any further education. She works as a mgr, hostess & server at a local restaurant. Puts in lots of hrs & is highly thought of by sr mgmt but won't take any of there add'l education offerings as she just wants to be a stay at home Mom in 10 yrs. I think this is great but would prefer that she had something to fall back on if life throws her a curveball. My Mom was widowed at 38, I took over as principal earner at 35 when Ian became ill and so I'm very focused on women having a fall back position.

Wow, what a book & I wrote this in quick reply but there are likely a lot of typing mistakes. Andrew is my least practical but the other 2 are very organized in everything they do. Both in the planning & the financial side. Andrew is learning. One advantage of your kids going away that I have found is that you can actually learn more about their lives than if they are living in the same city. James has been gone since Aug & we have only talked 4 times on the phone but my emails are amazing. Yesterday's weekly installment almost gave me a day to day breakdown. When he was living in Toronto, we might see each other as he dropped by to do his laundry but rarely sat & talked together. I found the same when Sandy was travelling. She would write me these great emails about her week. My problem has always been how to take my somewhat boring life & turn it into a response that they might be interested in. I believe travel is good for kids. It helps them grow up & for mine, it seemed to help them appreciate their family more.

Sorry for the long book, I would reduce it but I'm working on my mini computer & can't figure out how to highlight this thing to cut sections, Dee
Avatar for shirley_v
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Registered: 04-29-2000
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 10:15am

Thanks for your reply, Dee.

Avatar for deenow17
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Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 9:15pm
Isn't it amazing how 4 kids can be so different? I learned that schooling doesn't make an education. There are ways to learn by experiencing life that are just as good. My Dad only had gr 10 & Mom gr 12 and they drummed into me that going to university was the most important thing. I went then I freaked when dd decided to take a yr off after high school. She did go back but she isn't using her degree. My eldest ds left home at 19 to live on his own & try to make it as an actor. He learned that you don't eat much if you are counting on your acting to buy your food. He then decided to go to college rather than waste time in university. Then he has just continued to go ahead in his education. Neither of the eldest 2 had any trouble in school & they both love to learn. My youngest has big dreams but by grade 1 could only count to 20 & struggled to read simple words. Something interfered with getting things into his long term memory. He seems to have outgrown most of this but he wasted so many of his teen years messing around. Now he is frustrated because he wants to be further ahead than he is. I think he would have done an excellent job in a trade. He loves animals, outdoors & building things. But he has this vision of himself as a successful businessman.

How will your DD manage to get to Berlin if she has a phobia about flying? Is that why she wants to travel with her brother? It will be a big challenge to get home alone. It's sad that so many kids are influenced for long term problems so young. Thanks for the update on your family. I will try to remember too. Your eldest are the same age almost as mine. My DD actually turns 31 next Wed.

Dee
Avatar for shirley_v
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Registered: 04-29-2000
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 2:10pm

Well, my DD and DH have been sleuthing what

Avatar for shirley_v
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Registered: 04-29-2000
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 2:17pm

Dee, sorry, I forgot about your post and questions!