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|Mon, 01-20-2014 - 1:45pm|
It's been a while since I've posted, mostly because I've taken all of your advice and have continued to contact my daughter and have expected nothing in return which is what I've gotten. My 2 older daughters who live out of state were both home for Christmas, so DD26 DID actually come to my house with 2 of her sisters to frost cookies on the 23rd and stopped by for pictures on Christmas Eve with my other 3 daughters. She didn't stay for dinner, however, as she and her boyfriend were having dinner and playing cards at his father's house. I had not seen DD26 since January of last year (she lives here in town), but did contact her a few times throughout last year. When I saw her, I hugged her and said, "Let's just move on from this." She just smiled and said nothing. I had appealed to her before Christmas as she accused me of only contacting her now that "the holidays were here". I reminded her how untrue that was and stated the several times I had texted or called her last year. She had nothing to reply about that because she knew it was true. I HAVE apologized to her for any pain I inflicted upon her in the past (unintentionally, of course) and did let her know that she has hurt me as well and needs to take ownership of that as I have MY part, then we can move on. I know now she is simply too immature to do that. Therefore, I will continue to distance myself from her and only contact her when I feel like it. I gave her $100 at Christmas as usual and heard nothing. I texted her New Year's Eve thanking her for coming over and if she ever wanted to get together sometime to just let me know the time and the place and I'd be there. I've heard nothing. My birthday was Saturday and I heard from my other 3 daughters, but not her. I have decided to just let it go and the ball is simply in her court. She knows I love her and want a relationship, but one that does NOT include her hurting me intentionally and being disrespectful (she's done both). Her birthday is in June and I have already decided she will get a card from me, but no money. If someone doesn't want a relationship with me, then I don't feel any great need to hand out money. Sometimes I feel the only reason she came over at Christmas WAS to get her gift.
I have discussed all this with my counselor who agrees that until she matures, this probably is not going to change. So, I will continue to enjoy the GOOD relationships I have with my other 3 daughters and just continue to pray for DD26. She is my one daughter who has made poor choices in her life and I worry about her the most.
On a positive note, DD28 is getting married in October of this year, so something to look forward to! :) If any of you have an advice as to what I could give her for her bridal shower, it would be greatly appreciated. She is getting married out east (PA), so it will be costly for me and dh (who is currently unemployed). I live in the midwest, so have to buy 2 airline tickets (bridal shower and wedding) plus other expenses...like a dress. DD28 knows it's a hardship, but she and her fiancee live in NYC, so wanted to get married out there.