I'm a grandma!! So, why am I crying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
I'm a grandma!! So, why am I crying?
10
Fri, 04-12-2013 - 1:57pm

Hello!  Guess I need somebody to talk to!  Our first grandchild was born on Monday.  A little girl, 7 pds. 7 oz., perfect in every way.  I spent as much time with her as I could but the hospital is an hour away from here, and I had to come home.  My husband was out of town, and we have goats to feed and a dog and I have a job.  I am missing her like crazy!  When I look at her pictures I start to cry!  I want to go back and visit but we had a snowstorm here, so I couldn't just go. DIL had to have a c-section and is going home from the hospital today.  I don't want to intrude on them their first days home, but I don't know if I can wait until next weekend!!!  She is being baptized next Sunday, and I want to go out the day before so I can spend more time with her, don't know if I can wait that long!  Wow, I just never thought it would be this hard to be away from her.  It makes it harder when the other grandma lives only blocks away from them and I know she's going to get to see the baby every day.  Anybody else have this happen when you became a grandma???  Am I over the top here for being so lonely for her?  She's not MY baby.  I just love kids and babies so much.  I was a stay at home mom to my three boys, I also watch kids after school everyday.  I do volunteer babysitting too.  On Monday I have to babysit maybe I'll get my baby fix or maybe it will make me miss her more!!!  I  need to be thankful that they aren't further away.  I'm trying to concentrate on that now. 

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 04-12-2013 - 9:53pm

Congrats, Grandma!!!!!! How every wonderful for you. Welcome to the wonderful world of grandparents. It is amazing. I'm not surprised you are crying. It's a very emotional time. My little grandson just turned 6 last week & there are times when I miss him so much that I just want to cry. I have to constantly remind myself that he isn't my child & therefore he lives with his parents, lol . I do think that part of the early crying spells are a little bit about, oh my goodness - my baby made this & isn't a baby anymore. So I think it's joy but also a little sadness at having to cut that tie between mother & child another time. I still remember the first time I held my grandson. He was a premie & was in the hospital for almost 6 wks. Only the parents were allowed to hold him in the hospital but one day when he was 5 wks old & the nurse was distracted, my daughter put him in my arms. I stood there crying with him cuddled against me. Eventually I saw his nurse heading over & I figured we were going to get in trouble so tried to pull myself together. She just used her body to block us from the other nurses & rubbed my back. It was the most emotional moment in my life even more so than the births of my own kids.

I would suggest that you contact the Mom & tell her that you don't want to intrude but that you would like to help in anyway you can. Be willing to do laundry, clean house, whatever esp while she recovers from surgery. She may not want to share the baby as this is new to her too but I found just seeing my grandson is great. I will warn you that this generation seems to resent advice & that everything is so different from how we did it that I'm amazing we didn't kill our kids. Be upfront with your DIL & ask her to tell you truthfully when it's not a good time to come. Then I would ask to show up whenever you can. My DD basically just handed the baby to me & said let me know when he is hungry, I'm sleeping, eating, taking a shower, etc.. She wasn't possessive but they lived with SIL's parents & his Mom was very possessive. DD is expecting #2 now & has already said that this one is my baby as my grandson is my husband's. They have their own house now & she has put a single bed in the nursery for me to use when I come to stay. I can't wait!

Dee

Avatar for shirley_v
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2000
Fri, 04-12-2013 - 11:20pm

Congratulations from me too, Mom_julsie!  I'm glad Dee posted her reply to you.  I have no grandchildren, so I cannot speak from any experience and cannot offer any advice in that respect.  I hope you get to enjoy to your heart's content much time with your granddaughter during these early months - If the mom is agreeable to your coming to help, as Dee suggests, that might be wonderful opportunities to spend time near your granddaughter.  How far away do you live from your granddaughter (is this your daughter's baby?)?  Is it an hour just like the hospital was? 

I don't have any grandchildren, but I certainly do 'melt' when I see a baby when I'm out and about.  Today a sweet little toddler girl smiled at me in the most darling way when I was in a coffee shop and she was at a table nearby with her parents.  These litttle ones sure are precious!  

Shirley

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 12:52am

Congratulations on the birth of your granddaughter! I don't have any grandkids so I cannot offer any advice but I can imagine that it must be very emotional to see your child's child for the first time. 

Dee's BTDT advice sounds good. We have another member here who has several grandchildren, all of whom live sort of far from her, so hopefully she will weigh in too with her experiences.

I hope that you are able to see dgd again soon. And my, that's ambitious to have the baptism so soon when the mom had a C-section. I hope that somebody else is arranging any party that may be held afterwards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 11:47am

Oh, that must have been so hard for you not to be able to hold your grandson right away.  That would've broke my heart!  I'm glad he is O.K.  I'm trying to figure out why this is so hard for me.  First thing is, this is my first born son, having his first child.  Second, I just love babies and I have to hold them whenever I see them.  But, third, I started thinking, is what makes this baby extra, extra special, is that it is a girl!  I had three sons and always wanted a girl, this is like the girl I didn't get to have!  (Don't get me wrong, I love my three boys to bits and pieces and I wouldn't change a thing!)  My husband felt bad for how I was feeling and texted my DIL.  My son called and said we could come, however, didn't sound excited about it.  Evidently DIL was feeling a little stuffed up like she was getting sick and she is tired.   I asked why they were visiting friends last night then,  (I had texted her last night and she told me) and he didn't have a good answer for that.  It's just frustrating because I know other people are getting to see the baby and I'm not getting too.  In the meantime now, DIL texted me another picture and message saying "excited to see Grandma and Grandpa!"  She thinks it is just dry in their house so that's why she is stuffed up.  So, I guess we're going!  

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 11:53am

Hello, and thank you for your response.  The baptism was actually planned a few weeks ago.  Baby was due March 29, and didn't arrive until April 8th!   We have a part-time farm and usually are starting to do some field work in April, but not this year!!  Just had a snowstorm so that's not happening!!   Anyhow, they are having a lunch in a room at the church.  I will bring food and I'm sure DIL's mother and grandmother will bring food also.  Yeah, I remember having baptism when my middle son was three weeks old, had a c-section with him.  I had help with cleaning and with food! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 3:24pm

Hi-I'm probably the one Elspeth was referring to as "the other member". My one dd has 3 children & they live about 4 hours from us. And I certainly remember the excitement of first dgd being born-phoning the hospital to talk to dd & getting so excited to hear the baby snuffle in her sleep! I went to spend a few days with them when each of her children were born-but I'm a firm believer that they have to live their own lives-& I have to let them. Part of that is the distance we have (& the fact that travel is really difficult with Adam at the stage is he is at)but even before this-they are adults & they have their own ways of doing things & I have to accept the differences.

When our oldest dd had her first dd-she adopted a newborn in Vietnam-her dh went over for what was to be a 2-stage adoption. The birth mother quite literally handed sil the baby & said "goodbye-good luck" & left, & Susan had to get there asap. When she got there-it took 2 days-she called to let me hear the baby cry. About 8 hours later-she called back to say C was still crying-what did I think was wrong? Talk about long distance consultation! They now have 3 children (the other 2 came from China-& were a little older when adopted)-and they live about 2 1/2 hours away-& I still cannot go as I'd like to go.

When your dgd is a bit older-you can remind her of your love with little love letters or packages in the mail. All children love mail-I'd find books or cards & mail them. Now that they are a bit older, I don't do that so much-although my dgs broke his wrist & I just sent him a "Care Package" of things to do until he can play sports again. (I sent enough candy to share with his brother & sister-though she said he didn't share enough). And he said his hand got cold-so I made him a mitt of fleece to fit over the casted hand-which my dd said he loved until his sister said it looked dumb & then he REALLY loved it.

And so I think you have to dry your eyes & think it is part of the 'cycle of life'-she will be part of it, as will future grandchildren-but not the focus of it. BTW-I love babies, children-I was a Pediatrics nurse for years & I'm every parent's nightmare because I always talk to strangers' children (but honestly?-only if a parent is there!) You are very lucky to have her SO close.

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Sun, 04-14-2013 - 12:56pm

Hello, Oh, I wish I could fix this font!  I have a new computer and I do not like this slanting thing!  Have to ask my husband to figure it out!  Anyhow I am very thankful that she is so close.  We went to see her yesterday, like I said.  I feel so much better now that I got to spend some time with her.  I just didn't get enough time with her in the hospital.

 

Your children sure had to go through a lot to adopt their their children!  They must be extra special! 

We are going to figure out how to skype with my computer.  When she gets a little older I'll be able to talk to her that way.  Technology is so amazing!  

 

Thank you for your reponse!

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 12:07pm

Glad that you got to spend some time with the new grandbaby, you sound like you are feeling better. 

About the font issue: if the problem is only in iVillage then it may be that you accidentally selected the italics font. Its on the upper left of the text box.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 3:10pm

So glad you were able to get your "granddaughter" fix. Isn't it amazing just how something that new & small can grab our hearts so quickly. We didn't have skype back when DGS was a baby but we did have a video cam on our computers. DD used to point it at her so I could watch her busy with the baby & be part of their daily lives. DGS isn't a fan of the phone or skype and so avoids them unless you don't tell him that someone is there. Then you can listen & occassionally he will answer a question.

Wishing you all the best with your new grandbaby. Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Wed, 04-17-2013 - 10:54am

O.K., let's see if that helps, it was still doing the slanting thing. 

Yes, it is amazing how she captured my heart.  I expected that, but didn't really imagine how it would feel.  My DIL has been texting me lots of pictures.  One the other day she said "she was talking!"  She had  a really funny expression on her face and she looked like she was smiling!  And only a week old!  Can't wait to see her again!