Its so hard to watch them suffer...

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Its so hard to watch them suffer...
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 6:35pm

We've been having a sad few days here, due to something going on with dd. A very dear friend of hers (for the past 7 years) took his life a few days ago and she is reeling with the shock and loss. To compound it, they had been bf/gf for the past ~4 months but she felt that it wasn't right for her, so she broke up with him. Sometime in the hours or couple of days following the break up is when he passed so she is also feeling guilty. He had some other problems unrelated to their relationship and even though she knows intellectually that his action is not her fault, emotionally its hard to accept that.

I have been feeling so sad since I got this news on Thursday morning. I never met him but somehow I am feeling a sense of loss too. Maybe I'm feeling for his parents, who must be devastated; or maybe I'm feeling for dd for whom I cannot find the words to console; or maybe I'm just feeling that its a shame that someone so beloved by so many people has left the earth in such a tragic manner.

As moms we often want to "fix" our childrens' problems and they become adults we know we must step back and let them fix things for themselves, but our hearts are still screaming to do something. Sometimes the best, and only, thing that we can do is to be available to listen and maybe offer a few words of consolation or encouragement. So from the wings I stumble through this crisis with her, hoping that her grief passes soon; and that if there are lessons meant to be learned in this then hoping that she learns them quickly and thoroughly. And hope for her that she never has to go through something like this again.

Avatar for nora_mcl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 11:08am

Oh Elspeth-you must want to reach out & just give your dd a big hug, a cup of tea & listening ears. How difficult to be so far away geographically.

I wish for your dd healing vibes. She knows the truth (that the breakup was not the cause)-but she must have a difficult time listening to the truth with her head & her heart.

Hugs to all of you-& to his family too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 7:38pm


Yes,  that is one of the bad things about having adult children, you can not longer fix everything.  Went through it when DD2 lost her best friend to cancer and now again with Stephanie's journey.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 8:10pm
So very sorry Elspeth for your poor DD. My eldest DS went through this at 17. 2 very close friends committed suicide 2 wks apart. It was awful as no one can take another's pain. I hope your DD finds the strenght to get through these difficult days & that she will seek help if she needs it either from you or professionally. Hugs to both of you, Dee