Money and our grown kids
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|Fri, 09-09-2011 - 9:58pm|
Do you ever find yourself in the position of being asked for a loan or a handout by your grown kid? If so, are you happy to accomodate, or refuse to go down that path, or something in between?
warning: long vent follows!!!
I often have such a hard time with this when it comes to my 25yo dd. Its fairly easy when its something for the cat, there have been a couple of times when he needed a vet visit and she didn't have the $ so I gave her the cost of the visit. The poor cat is helpless. But when its for her it becomes so much more complicated. There is some bad history: a few years ago I let her be on our auto insurance policy because it was much cheaper than her own policy, and she was supposed to reimburse me each month. Then she needed a loan till payday but got laid off and the debt started stretching out...months passed with her still owing us money (we had already dropped her from the auto insuance) until Christmas rolled around and we "forgave" her the remaining debt as her Xmas gift. I've probably written about this before, sorry to bore you. I'm pretty sure that we haven't loaned her money since then, although there have been a couple of times when I've just given her money because I felt bad for her--such as last holiday season when she flew here for Christmas then couldn't get back to NYC because of weather so she was missing some days of income producing.
Fast forward to the present. Dd learned sometime mid-summer that on August 30 her job was temorarily closing--they lost their lease but had found a new location, however it would take a couple of months at least to get that space open. At the time she said something about saving $ to tide her over...which evidently didn't happen. Not too surprising, she's lived hand to mouth for years so not a lot of extra to put aside, but can usually hustle herself into a job pretty quickly. Then a couple of weeks ago a hurricane was heading for her city and she didn't get to work 2 days she'd been counting on. So when she called on 8/29 saying she was broke we felt pretty badly for her and agreed to a loan. Meanwhile we learned that she had come into another $200 so we figured that she should be okay until she could land a job.
This week I've been getting the "warm up" calls, I've been hearing about the job interviews but also the upcoming expenses, so I wasn't entirely surprised when this morning she called to say she was broke again and needed more money.
I am just so conflicted over this. A part of me thinks we should just do "tough love", the fool girl went out last weekend to some restaurant that I know was not cheap. Even after her employment ended she continued living like she still had an income. By this week it hits her hard that the well is dry so she's stayed in a few nights, and bought groceries to cook at home. Big deal, she's doing what her dad and I do the majority of the time so I'm not too impressed.