Need opinion ASAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Need opinion ASAP
21
Thu, 08-22-2013 - 12:44pm

Hi, it's me again.  You're probably getting tired of me.  Well, I'm looking for advice again.  You know the history of my son and DIL.  Well, they were supposed to bring our grandbaby here this weekend and now their plans have changed and they're not coming.  We have been looking so forward to this.  We have been very patient because they've been very busy and with the issues they were having we didn't want to push it.  Well, it's getting to be like once a month we are seeing her.  (You may recall me mentioning they are only 80 miles away.)   They aren't coming here, they say, but we can come there.  Well, in almost 5 months of our grandbaby's life she's been here only 3 times, and one of them was a very short visit.  We are tired of this.  I have put together an e-mail to send to my son (to the both of them)  My husband has proofed and critiqued it and I even had my other son's girfriend look at it and she thinks we're being reasonable.  BUT, I am so afraid my DIL is going to go off the deep end.  The biggest point we are making in this letter is that they are not just keeping dgd from us, but from her great-grandparents as well.  My in-laws live here, by us.  MIL is asking when baby is coming again.  I don't have to tell you that with old people we don't know what's going to happen, and my son understands this.  So, I'm hoping this letter will get that point across that this isn't just for us, but for them.  I need to send this e-mail really soon, if I'm going to send it.  Like I said, I'm just afraid DIL will go off the deep end and then keep her from us.  I don't think she would be that mean, but I just don't know.  WDYT?   Thanks!   Oh, and we already offered to go and get her and bring her home again, that didn't work. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Sat, 08-24-2013 - 10:41pm

Thank you all for your responses.   We are having a wonderful visit.  Son and DIL went to visit great-grandparents.  For everyone that is still saying  that if we want to see the baby, we should go to their house, I will be happy to go to their house some time when they're actually home.  I have mentioned about all their weddings and her family obligations.  It's pretty hard for me and my husband, my other two sons, or the great-grandparents to go and visit them when they are not home.  So, then we should have all bombarded them this weekend because it was the only weekend that they were home?  I would personally think, as a new mom, that that would be more stressful to have a bunch of company all in one weekend or a bunch of different weekends.  You worry about how clean your house is, providing meals for them, etc., etc.  To me that's more stressful than going to someone else's home (grandma and grandpa's) where they're making the meals and I could just leave my messy house behind.  Now they've visited with everyone here, they can go home, and not have company for awhile.  There are two views to everything, that is my point of view. 

Something else I thought of, is that distance sometimes is not a factor if your priority is family.  My husband's sister, husband and two kids lived 4 hours from here when their kids were small. They traveled here probably once a month to see the grandparents.  I used to think they were nuts, coming all that way so often.  But, my SIL wanted her children to have a close relationship with their grandparents.  I can't say that my sons really have a much closer relationship than her kids, I think it's pretty equal.  She did all this when her kids were small, all while holding down a full-time job, and getting her master's degree.  Now, we aren't all superwoman, I certainly could never have done any such thing, but, it shows you what you will do when something is important to you. 

So, how this all started about needing advice "ASAP" doesn't apply anymore, because I didn't and am not going to send the e-mail that I typed up.  So don't worry about giving me advice now.  If you would like to come back and just chat, I am happy to do that. 

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