Nostalgic?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Nostalgic?
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Tue, 08-07-2012 - 7:22am
Hi, I was hoping that I could get some tips on how you all handle bouts of nostalgia - those moments when it seems like the best of our family life is in the past when the kids were little and constantly around.
Thankyou
Iggyx

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Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to:
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 12:13pm

Honestly, I NEVER had <<<...those moments when it seems like the best of our family life is in the past...>>>.  Now, I love my kids to death, and we are a close family, but when my kids were little and constantly around, I wanted to beat my head on a wall.  My kids are now ADDults, as is my husband.  When they were younger THIS is a snapshot of my life...

Mom's new Brownies Recipe

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.

Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.

Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.

Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.

Bake 25 minutes.

Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.

Frosting

Mix the following in saucepan:

1 cup sugar

1 oz unsweetened chocolate

1/4 cup margarine

Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away.

Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Jr had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Jr in playpen.

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.

Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.

Tie Billy to clothesline.

Remove burned brownies from oven

I think Billy Joel said it best...  "You can linger too long In your dreams,  Say goodbye to the Oldies but goodies, Cause the good ole days weren't Always good,  And tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems."

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to:
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 12:15pm
I put together separate photo albums of each of my kids for those pictures where they are the main person or the only person. Then I made other albums of us as a family. I enjoy pulling these out to look at when I'm feeling nostalgic & it brings back lots of happy memories. It also helps when you have grandkids as my friends & I now compare stories from the past with what's happening with our grandkids.

The other thing I do is get involved in a hobby if I'm tending to be a bit blue when feeling nostalgic. It helps take my mind to a different spot if I'm feeling sad.

The thing to remember is that there are lots of positive things coming in the future. You just have to accept that it will be different as our relationships with our kids change at every stage of their lives. I remember thinking that I would never survive my youngest's teen years with him still in my life. Now he is the one I'm closest too while his brother & I were so close but he has drifted away from his family as he lives so far away. We are still close but it again is different.

Dee
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to:
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 12:56pm

And instead of getting lost in "Let's remember", tell us what your kids are doing NOW.  What are the older ones doing?  In school?  working? Bf's? Gfs?  What does your husband do?  What do you do besides being a mom?  What do you do with your friends?  What do you and your husband like to do together?

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
In reply to:
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 1:51pm

I can't say that I get nostalgic very often about when my kids were little. I have plenty of good memories from those days, and also memories of how hectic and stressful life was sometimes too. As they became more independent and spent less time at home (then eventually moved out) I just tried to find ways to stay somewhat connected, to listen to what they were doing and not judge, to nudge our relationship a bit more towards being "adult friends" although we will always be parent-child in some ways.

Maybe my kids made it easier to get over the nostalgia part. Ds went 500 miles away to college so we only saw him on the major breaks, usually several months apart. Dd was the teen from hell and frankly I was relieved when she moved out at 18. She's now 26 and she's apologized for her past behavior and we're pretty close, but rarely see each other---she lives 3000 miles away. Ds lives 400 miles away and we see him only slightly more often. We communicate by email, phone, and Skype. Both are confident independent adults following their dreams and that makes me very happy. For me the point was to raise them to be just the kind of people they have turned out to be, so I feel like I did my job well. I think that helps me to feel good about the present, and not want much to look back to the past. I am however very curious to see what the future holds for each of them!

That said, I'm probably just not a very nostalgic type of person, at least these days (maybe I was 10 yrs ago? I don't remember lol). I sometimes think about things from the past, good and bad, but I guess I don't dwell on either.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
In reply to:
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 3:40pm
I admit I get this way. And possibly part of that is I lost both of my parents (within 19 days, unexpectedly) 4 years ago, so my world is very different than it was. I have an only who will be 20 on Thursday - he's now on his own; we purchased a condo nearby for him to go to school the next 4 years (thru his master's) - it's important for him to be on his own, and it's also hopefully an investment for us.

At any rate, what I do is sometimes email him little things like 'do you remember' a given event, when he said something, etc. And him coming back with a response is always great. And now he's started it too, so I know he feels the same way at times.

Otherwise honestly I sometimes have a cry (more about my parents, though, as I'll never see them again), or just talk to dh about 'remember when' moments, etc. I think it's normal.

Sue
Avatar for shirley_v
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2000
In reply to:
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 1:07pm

Memory is so selective!  We can only remember so much and much is not remembered.  I remember good times with the children when they were young, but more often than not I remember the difficulties - the sibling rivalry (Oy!) - the fights and tears, the rough patch of separation anxiety my dd (the  youngest) went through in Grade one in particular - a hell I would not want to go through again...and which of course, I won't have to!  I loved babies, but had a harder time with them as they grew older.  (Frankly, I think I was exhausted for part of the time!).  So am I nostalgic for those times? NOPE.  So I can't give you any tips in that regard.  The one thing I do enjoy at times is looking at old photos of the children.  Gosh, they were adorably cute!!!!  But that's all they are....adorable looking children in photos... I look fondly at them and yes, selectively remember some good times but am shocked at how little I do remember of the details of times past....  Like I said we are selective in what we do remember - bits and piece of a lifetime, including that spent with our children.  And unfortunately I do remember the nasty times too...! 

It does sound like you are suffering from some sort of unhappiness about the present.  That you aren't able to enjoy what's happening now and want to escape to the memories of the past.  The thing would be, I think, to focus on what is troubling you now - if there are ways to address those aspects of what makes you unhappy?  It's a transition period as you approach the empty nest - the focus naturally moves away from childrearing - you have to and will move on...don't try too  hard to hang on to it with nostalgia but maybe you will  have to go through a bit of a grieving period .  I don't know...maybe there's time for sadness, but a time to eventually get over that and move forward.  I have no more advice than  this!

Shirley

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
In reply to: mahopac
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 6:17pm

I would think with all those unsettling things, it would be easy to become nostalgic.  Sounds quite understandable.

I'm like the others in that I don't miss "the old days" much at all.  We never had money and were in debt up until 4 years ago, which made me feel like a terrible parent since I'm the breadwinner.  I constantly battled my own feelings of wanting to do more for my family and needing to do more for my career.  My oldest was always demanding and exhausting (bipolar & Aspergers) from the moment he was born.  The arrival of my youngest brought on a bout of depression in my DH that lasted quite a long time. My spiritual life and my physical being were never where I wanted them to be.

I think it was when my youngest was about 7 and the oldest was 15 that I looked around the dinner table and thought, Yeah, THIS is what I envisioned as a family of five.  Kids in elementary, middle, and high school.  Good job, almost out of debt, a real future for my family.  DH happy again, cooking food that everyone eats, no more baby dishes on the table, youngest old enough to help out around the house.  That was only five years ago, and it's only gotten better since then.

Kelly

Avatar for shirley_v
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2000
In reply to: shirley_v
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 7:20pm

Iggy, what is your job?  And what are your hours?  And lastly, what will you study next year? 

Shirley

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
In reply to: elc11
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 8:42pm

Good grief, with that schedule and life changes no wonder you're nostalgic...just thinking back to a less stressful time!

I suspect that you're just going through a "rough patch" of sorts brought on by the stress of your daily life and the pressures of settling into a different house--wanting it to feel like a home, and then you see the constant in your life, the kids, getting older and moving on emotionally if not physically.  Hopefully when your work hours decrease you'll feel more settled emotionally as well.

When we moved into this house it took me several years to feel like it was my home. It felt like the family's home but I didn't feel like I had a space of my own or that I quite fit in the house even though I did like the building and the floor plan etc...I don't know how to explain it but I remember feeling sad about that. Eventually it got better. I've lived in several houses but it was the first time that I somehow didn't feel settled even though I was surrounded by my belongings and by my dh and kids. Maybe there's a bit of that going on with you, as well?

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
In reply to: elc11
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 7:43pm

<worry that I'll only have to sell it one say when they move out>

Remember that we're working on not worrying about the "what-ifs" of the future :smileywink:

You may be surprised how you can continue to fill a big house even when its just you and your dh! We now have a designated guest room (ds' old room) and my dd's old bedroom is now my office...and if you get grandkids then you can have a playroom for them and a children's bedroom for when they stay over.

One day it may become too much house for you to take care of, or want to take care of, or you don't want to hire someone to come in to clean for you...when that day comes you can sell it and then you will probably feel more relieved than sad.

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