Planning for wedding #2 has started

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Planning for wedding #2 has started
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Sat, 02-11-2012 - 11:57pm

Boy, did I come home to a big surprise. Andrew and Sydney (why do people give girls boy's names) went from no wedding plans 3 wks ago & not wanting to discuss it to having a new wedding date (sooner) and a hall. One of the first things Sandy told us when she picked us up from the airport was that "the kids" had moved their wedding date forward & booked a hall. She was not a happy camper. Sandy wants then to wait a few more years but I keep telling her that it's not our decision. Syd is only 21 which is 10 yrs younger than Sandy was when she got married. Andrew is 25. Sandy feels they both need to live a little more before settling down but they are both home bodies not travelers like she was.

Sydney is very practical & when she discovered that she could save $1500 by moving her wedding from Oct to May 2013, then that was her decision. Andrew would still rather have an October wedding as that was a tradition in my Mom's family. Sandy & I were both married in Aug so we didn't follow tradition. The Moms are to join them on the 29th to view the venue. This is one wedding that will be done the bride's way. Syd wanted a modern hall & Andrew likes the older, historic locations - choice was modern venue. He wanted to wear a kilt as he is very proud of his Scottish ancestry (very diluted) but she refuses to have any plaid in the wedding. It seems that he is getting his way on the ceremony venue. My task tonight was to search out churches for them to be married in. Syd is an atheist but Andrew was raised in the United Church. I had told her that most United Churches wouldn't give her a hard time about her lack of belief & I guess she believes me. I have sent in a request for the cost to hold the wedding at our family church but suspect it will be too expensive for them. It was 50% more than other churches 2 yrs ago when I checked for my goddaughter. It would have been nice but there are other lovely churches out there. The venue gave them the name of one close by but I think I got that cancelled when I looked at it & it was in a strip mall. They have picked their invitations & are meeting with a photographer next week. So from nothing to moving on down the list of "to dos" quickly.

They are planning a slightly smaller wedding than Sandy's but it will be more princess like as Syd has been planning her wedding all her life like most girls. Syd has very strong opinions & her mother has already told me that she doesn't expect to be included in things. I have told Syd that I believe she should share this time with her Mom so we will see. I'm not sure if we are being included in the venue visit because Andrew knows that I'm expecting to be as we are paying for this. I'm a much stronger personality than Syd's Mom. Syd & her Mom are close but Syd's Mom while being very nice is a bit of an airhead or at least treated that way by her family. The father runs the family and Syd is very much a Daddy's girl. She is very creative & I'm assuming there will be personal touches to this wedding too. She is using red & white as her colours which is similar to Sandy but her main colour was taupe with the red & white accents. At this point, the only thing I'm likely to request is having Noah as the ring bearer. Andrew said today that Syd didn't want one but both Noah's parents are to be in the wedding party. I suspect Sandy will be very hurt if Noah isn't included & since he is so special to both Andrew & Syd, I would like to see Syd change her mind.

I got a bit emotional today when Andrew told me he asked his brother to be his best man. It's was so touching as these 2 fought like cats & dogs growing up. There are 4 yrs between them & I don't believe James really forgave Andrew for being born. lol It was wonderful that he wanted his brother to have this special role in his wedding. Then he asked us if we would have an engagement party this summer for them. Andrew rarely will ask for anything. I had offered when they got engaged & they said no then but now they want to get all the families including extended together before the actual wedding.

Well, here's my warning that the next 15 mths will contain wedding plans again in my posts. I promise to go to the "all in the family" board if I'm going to complain!

Dee

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Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 2:26am

Congrats on being the mother of the groom. This should be an interesting time for you, at least you will be more of an observer this time--which might be better since the bride sounds quite opinionated! Too bad about the kilt, although if its important to him then maybe he will continue to press for it...and she will come to realize that its HIS wedding too, not just her fairy tale dream coming true.

Does he tend to defer to her in general?

Feel free to complain and vent to us, we're here for the good and the bad times. Although there are no weddings in my near future I pay attention to wedding stories because someday I'll be there.

. The first person named Sydney that I met was a girl, when I about 8yo. I don't think I've ever met a male named Sydney (that first Syd may be the only Sydney that I've met) so to me it IS a girl's name LOL

Hang on for the ride Dee...at least the wedding is not in your backyard again!

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 9:43am


Before I answer this, let me say that I love her dearly & couldn't have found a better match for Andrew but..... she is the youngest in her family of 3 siblings (like Andrew) and she is the only girl. She expects to get her own way in all things & she is young enough that her ideas sometimes lack maturity. She is down to earth, frugal but does have a limited view of life. Andrew is also the youngest but he has 2 very opinionated siblings & while he can hold his own in discussions on Finance, sports & a few other topics, he has tended to be the "bad" boy before Syd & his siblings forget at times that he is grownup esp Sandy. In our family situation, he talks & shares. However, Andrew has been very quiet the 2 times we have interacted with Syd's family who are very outgoing.

I think Andrew will get his way on the things that are very important to him like being married in a church or by a minister not a justice of the peace. I told him how I wanted Noah in the wedding party, his original response was "you talk to Syd" to which I replied "nope, that is your job if you agree with me". He did mention latert that Noah would look cute in a kilt & there was no reason he couldn't be dressed in one. It also sounds like kids aren't invited to the wedding which I understand because the cost for them is extremely expensive. Sandy got lucky as her caterer is a Dad of a 5 yr old & so didn't charge anything for kids. So when I asked Andrew, his response was "whatever they decide it doesn't apply to Noah or any other niece or nephew he has" which is all I ask.

Andrew adores Syd & she him. The difference is that he wants to give her everything she wants and that may be a challenge. She is starting to see that some of her future plans may not be a reality. She wants to be a stay at home Mom like her Mom but while she is practical when she buys, she wants the best and Andrew always wants the best. She grew up on a "beer" budget, Andrew on a "wine" with parents who couldn't even afford beer when we were first married. She has made a couple of comments about maybe having to continue to work after kids. However, she hasn't continued her education after high school since she hasn't wanted any career but SAHM. I have tried gently mentioning that even a general BA will be required to advance in the hospitality industry. She has done well at her restaurant where she is a server (more money), a manager responsible for opening/closing/tipouts/schedules & she is normally part of the team that trains staff when a new restaurant is opened which is a headquarters's role.

And there I go, on & on again. It is so great that the wedding won't be here. I doubt I will have much to do but learn to keep my mouth shut & relax & enjoy the wonderful day! So much less stress that way.

Dee
Avatar for shirley_v
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2000
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 12:59pm

Wow, another wedding!

Avatar for nora_mcl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 1:22pm

First-let me say-welcome back Dee. The cruise sounds to be just what you needed-relaxing.

I have been both-mother of the bride (twice)& mother of the groom (once). And I think how it is handled depends on the couple! DD #1 started to plan the wedding, asked me to make her dress & all seemed to be going along tickety-boo. Then suddenly she called-the wedding was off.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 2:13pm
I'm fine with a backseat role in this wedding. It was hard enough to balance my ideas with Sandy's lack of formal wedding style. Our dress shopping was a disaster, she cried the first place we went too because she didn't like someone telling her (the store owner) what to wear. Then she cried at the next 2 stores because she didn't want to be there. Finally, in the 3rd store she tried on a simple silk dress & felt it was her. Me I was disappointed because it wasn't bride like but that was my first lesson on it wasn't my wedding! She was right as she glowed on her day & would not have been happy in a real wedding dress. However, I must admit that I wish she would cut it down into a short dress & die it another colour because it was a lot of money for one day.

Syd is unbelievably fussy. I shopped with her once in a store with 35000 different pairs of shoes & she liked nothing. One pair was almost ok but the front was 1/4 in higher than she felt was right. Her Mom can enjoy this shopping trip without me but I will go if I'm asked.

How is that relationship going with your DS & his gf? They have been together a few months now. Do you think it will last?

Dee
Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 2:17pm
Thanks for the welcome back, Nora. What's with this weather? The kids said it got up to 10 cel in Toronto while we were away but it started snowing as we landed on Fri. The roads were terrible yesterday so we waited a few hrs before heading home. Of course, we arrive & the dog jumps out of the car before we do & goes sliding. It was glare ice under the snow. We have over 2000 sq ft of pavement in our driveway & so it's impossible to cover all it with sand or deicer.

Yep, I expect this will be an easier wedding. First off, it's not at our home & secondly, I'm the mom of the groom.

Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 2:39pm

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 11:26am
You may surprise yourself. I always felt that I won't have too many comments on my DD's wedding as I was always frustrated that my Mom used my as a social event for herself & her new boyfriend. I did find myself getting upset about decisions when I swore I didn't care. But it seems that I didn't like it when his family was getting everything they wanted & I wasn't even being asked because I had been saying, it's not my wedding do what you want. Some of the inlaws demands were wrong, so I started getting engaged.

Dee
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 12:53pm

The only thing that my dd has ever said about what she would like for a wedding is to have it in our backyard; and she wants magnolia blossoms in her bouquet. Since our backyard is not huge it will have to be a small wedding! And the magnolia blossoms sounds like a tough order to fill. Who knows if she will still want that when/if she eventually marries.

My "wedding"

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 1:02pm

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