son and DIL in deep trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
son and DIL in deep trouble
11
Mon, 07-22-2013 - 8:16pm

Hi.  I've been on here before talking about my son.  I'm afraid that he's headed for a divorce, they've been married less than a year.  The money problems and other issues that they have, I'm not sure they can work through.  They had a baby a few months ago and I'm elated to be a grandmother, but I'm so sad and really angry, with my DIL.  My son is not perfect but she isn't either.  He has accepted her for who she is, but she can't accept him, evidently.  She has this paranoia that because some of their friends are getting divorces that they will too.  Well, her fear is real, but not for the right reasons.  First off, one of the couples the husband is bi-polar.  Well, like I said my son is not perfect, he has a bit of a temper (he has my husband to thank for that!)  but he is definitely not bi-polar!  She takes advice from all the wrong people and makes up more problems that aren't even there.  Their biggest issue is about money and she can't seem to understand it.  They got in a fight last night and she took the baby and ran off to her mommy.  UGGGHHH!!!   Like I said, I am so happy to be a grandmother, but not like this!  I don't know if they'll stay married and if they don't I'll never see my granddaughter because she will go live with mommy and daddy (they are moving) and will be really far away!   I wish I could say that my son will get custody because he is the only one contributing financially to this family, but I know that isn't how it works!  So, please don't judge me, I just need someone to talk to. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Fri, 07-26-2013 - 10:30am

Hello, Dee, and thank you for your response.  Your story gives me hope.  Yes, they have been under a lot of stress.  I told my son not to make any rash decisions.  She may be experiencing some post-partum depression.  I'm hoping he makes the appointment today for counseling.  I told him not to count on her to do it, since she thinks he's the only one that needs counseling.  I asked him too about him losing his temper.   When talking to my husband he expressed concern about this if it would come to a custody battle.  Well, it seems again she is making a mountain out of a mole-hill.  He loses his cool maybe once a month, tops.  He admits he has said some things that weren't nice, and I told him he cannot do that anymore.  (This has only started happening in the last few months when they've started getting under stress with money.)  I understand how frustrating she is for him, but she will use every little thing to make him look bad to whomever she talks to.  This is so very frustrating because she's not all bad.  She has a good heart, and she can be really nice. She loves animals and she loves kids.  Lately though it's been harder and harder to remember the nice things.  I  don't know how long it's going to take, I just hope they can be patient and put some effort into it.  I have a friend who I've confided in.  She went through a divorce and I know what she went through.  She clearly told me in an e-mail how much it sucks to get divorced, both for the couple and for the child.  She also said they need to grow up, which I totally agree.  I do truly think that if they were apart they would both be miserable. 

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