Son had two beers with dinner then drove home with baby girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Son had two beers with dinner then drove home with baby girl
9
Fri, 04-19-2013 - 2:31pm

O.k., well this maybe sounds worse than it is, because they only live a few blocks from the restaurant where we ate supper.  But, one beer I thought was plenty.  I'm not understanding why he would take any risks when it comes to his new baby girl.  It's been a long time since I've been that age so I just don't know what he's thinking.  I have an e-mail ready to send to him in "drafts" and haven't sent it yet.  I feel this is my business because it is my granddaughter we're talking about here.  Do you think I have the right to say something to him?  I don't want to make him mad, but he's kind of used to me getting into his business.  We have a very close relationship and we've always been able to talk about anything.  I just don't get why he thinks he has a have a beer. (or two!)

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

Was his wife there? Was she also drinking so she couldn't drive? Did she seem to notice or care how much he drank?

I really couldn't say if two beers would impair someone or raise the blood alcohol level too high, because I don't drink beer. I think that my dh can drink two beers with a meal and be fine to drive. Dh is very conscientious and will ask me to drive if he thinks he shouldn't, so I'm guessing that 2 beers might not have made your ds too tipsy to drive, since it was with dinner.

My suggestion is first to wait before firing off that email, and try to get some more information and think it through. I do understand how you are very concerned for the safety of that new grandbaby. The question is more about whether she was actually unsafe. I don't recall how old your ds is, but if he's never had issues with DUI or is known to have a drinking problem then he probably knows his limits. And if he's not typically a reckless person then he probably knows to be safe with his baby.

I am definitely in the "let go" school when it come to my adult kids. I have to trust that I raised them well and I know they are smart, so I have to let them proceed in their lives without me trying to guide them anymore. I may not always agree with some of their choices but I have to accept that they are the choices of another adult. (Obviously I'm not going to let them drive when drunk, I'm talking about an opinion of one beer vs two beers). Even though you've been in your ds' business for years, now that he has a wife and a child your involvement may start to seem more like meddling, especially by his wife. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007

I'm sure he was fine to drive, but I just didn't think it was necessary to have the second beer with his baby in the car.  DIL couldn't drive because she had a c-section.  (Baby was only 5 days old.)  We were going home after that so drove separately.  He obviously thinks that it is O.K., but I just thought maybe he'd change his ways when the baby was born.  What is O.K. before you are parents chanages after that child comes.  I just think that two beers is enough to slow your reflexes and I wish he wouldn't take that kind of a chance.  The reason why I thought I'd send an e-mail is so DIL wouldn't hear our conversation.  She is home on maternity leave so is usually around. 

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sorry but I would say butt out as one grandma to another. From everything I understand about alcohol levels, 2 beers is within the legal limited especially when consumed with food over a period of time. ie. not downing them in 5 mins. This is their child & unless you really see or hear of something that they are doing which will harm the child in some way, then you have to step back & button up. It is so hard... For example, I don't like how my SIL talks to my DGS. He is abrupt & at times too hard on him as he forgets he is a child. I keep my mouth shut however, he went through a stage where he was clipping DGS across the back of the head. I freaked but was afraid to say something to SIL but I called DD & told her what I saw giving her the 3 examples. She didn't believe me & told me to mind my own business but then a few days later she saw it herself. She stepped in & talked to SIL who didn't realize this was wrong as his father used to do this to him. He doesn't do it anymore. Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009

mom_julsie wrote:
<p>I'm sure he was fine to drive, but I just didn't think it was necessary to have the second beer with his baby in the car.  DIL couldn't drive because she had a c-section.  (Baby was only 5 days old.)  We were going home after that so drove separately.  He obviously thinks that it is O.K., but I just thought maybe he'd change his ways when the baby was born.  What is O.K. before you are parents chanages after that child comes.  I just think that two beers is enough to slow your reflexes and I wish he wouldn't take that kind of a chance.  The reason why I thought I'd send an e-mail is so DIL wouldn't hear our conversation.  She is home on maternity leave so is usually around. </p>
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I am not seeing why now being a father and having his child in the car is even part of the issue.

If he was unsafe to drive than he should not have been risking the lives of himself, anyone in his car and anyone sharin the roads with him. 

If he was safe to drive then it was a none issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007

Oh, I would have definitely have had to say something in the case you are talking about, I would have done it the same way as you did. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007

I don't know, I still think that 2 beers in just a little over an hour is too much.  The fact that he ate with it makes it a little better.  I didn't like that he did this before either so I really don't like it now that he's doing it with his baby in the car.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007

Hi, me again,  I should have done this before.  I googled it and found that the amount he drank puts him at .02.  Yes, below the legal limit, but it said "possible impairment."  (this was for 2 beers in 2 hours.) I always remembered that any more than one drink per hour is too much.  We were only there for 1 hour and 15 min., 1 1/2 hours at the very most.  I really think this falls within something that could possibly harm my grandchild and I think I have the right to say something.  Like I said, I never liked it before when he did this, so I really don't like it now.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

It is really beyond the pale for you to start a row over your son's normal, appropriate, and LEGAL alcohol intake with his dinner.  HE is the one responsible for his child, and unless you feel the need to call DCFS, you need to back off.  If you keep this up, don't be surprised if your son shuts the door on you. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007

I have a very strong and close relationship with my son, it would take a lot more than this for him to disown me.