Startingover...Are you here?
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|Wed, 05-01-2013 - 2:24pm|
Startingover, I know we've given you a pile of advice about your situation with your daughters. But I came across an advice column in my local newspaper that has a question from a person who has a similar sounding situation as what you are going through. I thought it might be worth it once last time to include it here, as advice from a professional (at least she seems savvy and gives pretty good sounding advice to those who write her).
This person who wrote has three children who are adults, but are financially dependent on their father - which is not the case with your children, but neverthless, these children seem to be quite angry with their mother (who wrote to this columnist) and who don't want to see this woman/mother. So here is what the columnist wrote as advice: (I will leave out the part that does not relate to your own circumstance, though).
"They are spoiled, immature...." Let each one know you love and miss them, but you understand their position. Say you hope they will become independent adults who'll decide things for themselves. Say you're always available if they care to reach you. Meanwhile, stick with your therapy and send messages monthly to each, saying you hope their school or work is going well - just enough to show interest in them, rather than seeking contact for your own sake."
Maybe most of this is not new to you, but if not, I thought it worth including here. It seems that this woman who wrote mentions that her children's father manipulates and spoils their children and are particularly angry at their mother, now that this woman is legally separated from her husband/their father, who was always emotionally abusive and controlling toward her. Maybe some of this rings true for you, but not sure if all of it does...just thought I'd mention it for comparision.
Anyway, just thought I'd add this advice columnist's advice to the mix if it would be of any more help.