Ugh

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Ugh
4
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 4:35pm

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
In reply to: emptynester2009
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 5:07pm

I think telling her to wait was a good idea--especially because she was going to spend the money herself.

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to: emptynester2009
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 7:20pm
I would also agree that you should deliver the message not to buy anything until after her birthday. We have told our kids that at times. My DD's birthday is next Fri & she wants nothing. That is my UGH as she was clear that included gift cards. Said she needs nothing & so no one should buy her anything. So frustrating, maybe I will look for something to donate in her name.

Dee
Avatar for nora_mcl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
In reply to: emptynester2009
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 7:38pm

We reached that point with our kids too, Dee. They felt that what they wanted, they could buy themselves. And that even the magazine subscriptions they said they wanted for a few years, they either tired of or decided they'd get for themselves. And to be perfectly honest-that's okay. All 3 of them have good jobs, lovely homes & need very little. I buy Christmas gifts for everyone-I save Birthday gifts for the grandchildren. And that seems to be okay with everyone.

I usually find a special card, & make the phonecall to the birthday person (don't sing though-that would make it an obscene phonecall!)& done. They all buy for their little brother, & I do believe they still buy for their neices & nephews. It works well for Mike & I-not only do they live far enough away that we can't always see what they have or need-but he is retired & bigger gifts are expensive.

Nora

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to: emptynester2009
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 8:24am
Thanks, Nora. We are trying to ease into this next stage of parenting & changing responsibilities. Nobody would tell me what they wanted for Xmas & so for the first time, I gave them money. I didn't like it & I'm not sure how they all really felt. There seemed to be a bit of a disappointment as if they were missing something. Now Sandy has said for years she didn't need anything but normally gives some ideas even it it's only clues for me to figure out. My kids are younger & struggling to get established in careers, finish education, buy homes, etc.. This will likely be the last year we can "do birthdays" in the same way as we have in the past as I'm seriously considering retiring next year. When I retire, our income will drop dramatically. While I love my kids, I'm not going to impoverish myself to keep giving to them. Since they are the ones pushing me to retire, I don't think they expect it either.

The kids decided not to exchange gifts between themselves for Xmas last year & only buy for Noah. Well, that was a flop. Poor James believed them, so didn't buy anything for his sibs. Sandy brought her brothers & Syd gift but labeled them from Noah. Andrew & Syd gave gifts. This year is supposed to be a no sib gift year for anything as they were going to try to save for a trip together in Dec. Not sure where that stands now with the wedding next year.

Dee