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|Fri, 04-04-2014 - 7:41pm|
This is not my problem but rather a problem with a friend of mine who has an only daughter who is I think now 27 years old. This daughter is continuing a university education in drama - getting a university degree that is, after already having a college degree in drama but she wanted a university degree, hence her somewhat advanced age attending university in a city north of ours. The problem consists of this young woman (we'll call her Angela) having had her first serious relationship with a young man in the same study at the same university (though he is a year ahead of her...he is graduating, she has one more year). After a year of their going out, he recently (as of February of this year) broke off their relationship. Angela is devastated - never saw this coming and can't come to grips with it. He seems now to have gone on to reunite with an old girlfriend from this same university.
My friend, (we'll call her Brenda), has been since inundated with phone calls from her daughter (they don't live in the same city) - who cannot seem to get beyond feeling crushed by this breakup. This upsets Brenda who has tried to offer advice but to no avail, or it hasn't been accepted by said daughter. Mostly, it seems that now all Brenda can do is listen but is herself continually upset by her daughter's unhappy state. Angela has seen a university psych counsellor maybe twice but doesn't seemt to think or feel this has been helpful to her. Often Angela will drink to drown her sorrows, it seems and then phones her mother to cry over the phone to her! So this has been two months of this behaviour. Whether this is not unusual or is extreme....well?
I've not had a lot of experience with my own children and their relationship breakups. Not to say none of them have not had breakups but they seem to have dealt with it in their own way and only have I on occasion had to listen to one of them be upset but it didn't last long. I suspect that Angela is going through some deep seated issues of her own brought on by this relationship breakup. She doesn't seem to be particularly agreeable to continuing counselling, unless perhaps she'd prefer another counsellor than the one she saw, but it may not be a case of personality - maybe just a resistance to seeking help.
So what do you tell a daughter who is going through the throes of rejection and breakup for two months or so, after you feel you've exhausted all you could think of what to say and which has not always gone over big with her daughter? Just listen, or continue to urge her daughter to get professional help? Has anyone been through something similar with one of their childfren who went through a breakup and was it anything like this? How can my friend get beyond feeling helpless and upset herself, time after time?
Just wondering if this is a problem anyone has encountered before and how it may have been resolved.