Who enjoys blended families at the holidays?

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Who enjoys blended families at the holidays?
8
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 10:12pm

So for those of you that have kids with SOs, do you do blended holiday events?

I'm wondering if I'm being selfish but I really want my family to myself at some point over the holidays. My DD's MIL has invited us to join them for their Xmas Eve dinner which includes their other son's fiancee & all her family too. DD wants us to go.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 12:54am

Our family is not yet "officially" blended with another. My ds has been with his gf for something like 7 years and they have lived together for much of that time, but there has never been a "meeting of the parents". I have met both of her parents--the dad I met once, for less than 5 minutes, while waiting for a group bike ride to start (he and ds were going in a faster group than I could ride with) and since we were in cycling attire I wouldn't recognize him without a helmet LOL. Her mom I have met twice: the first time was about 5 years ago when the mom picked up gf at our house. I was working in the yard when she arrived and we chatted out there for a couple of minutes then they left. The other time was a few weeks ago, I saw her in the store where she works and introduced myself and we again chatted for just a couple of minutes. I'm not sure if Enrique has met either of them. We've met gf's younger siblings a few times when she had them in tow. The kids have never suggested any formal introduction of the families so I'll wait until they want that to happen. A few months ago I found out that the parents have been separated for a couple of years and I get the idea they don't much like to be together, so it probably would have to be a very special occasion to bring all of us together. Dd doesn't have a steady bf these days; she has been in a couple of serious relationships but we never met the bf's parents.

Typically dd's gf comes to our house for dessert, her family does their dinner earlier in the day. Sometimes ds stops by her extended family's gathering for a while before our dinner.

Dee, will your dd be inviting all of the same people from Xmas Eve to her Christmas dinner? Will your other kids go to either or both dinners?

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Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 8:22am

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 9:26am
Only, her Mil/FIL and her BIL/Fiancee are invited for Xmas day dinner along with our family including grandparents. My youngest & his fiancee can't join us for dinner as it's her parent's turn. My other DS will be with us for Xmas dinner but not sure if either of the boys would go to Xmas Eve.

Part of this request from DD is because she just hosted my youngest 25th & it was a joint family event as an opportunity for us all to get together to meet each other. My youngest has been engaged a yr & it was the 2nd time the parents had all met. The kids hosted a dinner out about 5 mths before so the parents could formally meet. The birthday party was an opportunity for all the siblings to meet. We have "known" DD's ILs for over 8 yrs and saw a lot of them due to the wedding which included hosting them for 2 weekends during the summer.

We seem to have more personally in common with DS's future ILs. We all grew up in the same part of the city, DH & I went to the same high school as future MIL's sisters but in different yrs. I went out to dinner with future MIL & fiancee a few mths ago & we had a great evening. DD's ILs are older, grew up in the furthest part of the city from us possible & they are party people who love to drink a lot. Nice people but we just haven't clicked on a personal level. Oh yes, then there is the competition involving Noah. He has to love Grammy best and that's fine with me as we all have our relationship with him. I am the least popular of the 4 grandparents because I discipline him when he needs it and the other 3 just play, play & play with him even when he is rude & demanding. Although, DH is getting better at saying no when Noah gets out of control. However, if Noah gets scared or upset when we are all together then it's me he comes running too. That works for me. I'm happy being the one he can depend on.

Dee
Avatar for shirley_v
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2000
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 1:20pm

Dee, I probably shouldn't be answering this since I don't yet have that problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 11:10am
Our family is sort of blended. My parents are divorced, and only my mom has remarried. Her husband's family (other children, siblings, and his mother) are about 4 hours south of us. For Christmas, we do a Christmas Eve dinner at my sister's house and then they travel south to be with his family for a few days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 9:20am

So far it's worked out for us that our kids that have SOs spend Thanksgiving with SOs parents. We have dinner with my side of the family and any of our left over kids. We have a big Xmas Eve thing at our house with both sides of mine and DHs family. The SOs families are invited to that and most come. We have very good relationships with the SOs families. I don't know how we've gotten away with this one for as long as we have but all of our kids, SOs, and grandkids spend the night at our house Xmas Eve and Santa comes to our house. After presents are opened, we have a big breakfast, then the kids go to their SOs families. I expect that will eventually change. Someday one of these kids or SOs will decide they want Xmas morning in their own home or they don't want to crash on the floor anymore. I'm milking it for as long as I can get away with it. DH and I and left over kids have Xmas dinner with DHs family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 1:22pm

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 1:28pm

Hi and welcome to the board. How fun that everybody stays over on Xmas Eve, even sleeping on the floor--like a big slumber party!

I have to ask about your screen name: sandywithnine. Does that mean 9 kids, or 9 in the family, or something else?

I'm glad that you found us, I hope you'll look around the board and jump in on some other conversations.