Why do they have to grow up?
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|Mon, 07-11-2011 - 10:22am|
I have been giving this whole parenting gig a lot of thought in the last 24 hrs. There is little positive now in hindsight. If we do a good job and raise happy, healthy & independent adults able to move out & live their own lives, then our reward is that they build lives where we are only visitors. Great work by us but still it hurts to let them go. Trying to remember if I ever thought that it would be wonderful to see them grow up and leave home as my DD so happily told me yesterday. She thinks it will be a very positive experience when DGS is grown up and can head off to his own life. She acknowledges that she will miss him but doesn't see it as a sad time.
Frankly, her timing sucked. my eldest DS finalized his decision over the weekend and he is resigning his job to return to Victoria. He will tell them today that he won't be returning next month from his educational leave of absence. I can't honestly say I'm thrilled for him even though I support his decision. Only seeing him once in 11 mths was hard and it's been so nice having him home these last 2 wks Not that we have seen him a lot but he is around if you know what I mean. I'm sad all over again. It was hard to say goodbye last year but it happened and I just thought about him being back home again. Now, that is unlikely except for maybe Xmas visits in the future. He is planning a life very far from home. He likes the freedom to be himself & the slower paced lifestyle. He is queer which in his life style means he is bi-sexual. He works with kids at home and so isn't "out" because his job would not tolerate it regardless of the diversity laws. However, in Victoria he is himself and does a lot of queer advocate work and mentoring of kids who are dealing with gender issues. He feels passionate about people being allowed to live the lifestyle of their choice & apparently has done some very good work there as he has several job offers. Here, his queer work was always under a stage name. He has made a big difference in providing the queers with disabilities recognition in our local queer community. He produced, directed & performed in a special show featuring queer entertainers with disabilities that has run the last 3 yrs each Aug. As a result of this & other similar activities, he was asked 2 wks ago to be on a radio panel discussing the issues faced still today in the queer lifestyle. I think this is what finalized his decision to return to Victoria because he turned it down. He felt he couldn't take the chance of it being heard by someone at work but he is tired of hiding.
He also has a tendency to be a work alcoholic, I wonder where he gets that says the lady writing this who started work at 5:15 this morning. He finds that with the slower lifestyle he is able to keep a calmer lifestyle. The locals still think he is insane doing too much but as he said, it's a lot less than working full time, going to university full time and doing the private counseling/mentoring he did in between giving yoga classes when he was at home. Now he is doing the same things in Victoria but working full time. He only works part time and now spends his free time hiking or rock climbing which he loves.
So I'm sad these days but need to get over the tears before DS comes back into town tonight. We are the closest as he was always "Mommy's boy" but without the clinging which explains why he left home at 19. He knows I'm sad but the tears will only upset him. I will leave that to his sister. She is more angry right now than sad. She ordered (lol) him to come back home today as she is here with DGS. I know her anger is the way she is expressing her sadness too. She missed him while he was away a lot. They have drifted apart as they reached their 20s as they are very different personalities without the same interests but they are still close. My youngest DS’s response was the return was what he expected. The boys weren't close growing up but still message/talk every few wks. DD is feeling like she is losing both her boys as youngest DS is pulling further away as he & his fiancée plan their lives together. So now to return to my original though, if DD gets upset because her brothers are leaving her then I think she is unrealistic to believe that she will be so proud to see DGS grow up & leave home that there will be no tears.
Hope you all have a great week, Dee