School, children and scared new dad,HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
School, children and scared new dad,HELP
7
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 12:51pm

Hello All,

I'm new here and hope you will have some good advice for me. I am married to a wonderful man, have a 7 year old son and am expecting my second (husbands first) child in Feb. Oh, did I also mention I am in my second year at College to become a teacher. Well, my problem is, since this is my husbands first chld he is absolutely frightened at the thought of being left alone with a newborn while I go to some night classes. I don't know what to tell him to make him feel better or to waylay my fears of him not being able to cope. HELP!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 7:36pm

Hi and welcome! Congrats on expecting #2! Do you have any friends that have infants that DH could watch as a trial run? If not, I would suggest after the baby is born to leave him with the baby for small increments of time to build his confidence. And even when you are home in the beginning let him be "in charge" of the baby during the time that you will be at school so he and the baby get their own routine going before he's left alone with him/her.

Good luck!
Kathy

Kathy Kate-9, Emmy-8, Kevin-5 Early m/c 5wks 7/02 Missed m/c 7w2d; D&C 3/10 Missed m/c 8wks; D&C 9/10
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 8:21pm
Thanks for the advice. However I will be starting my semester before I have the baby, so the routine will already be in place, and we don't know of anyone who has an infant. I am trying not to be overly concerned, however, I know his temperment and he gets flustered with children easily. I am hopeing that when he has to deal with one of his own he will feel differently. I don't know. UGH!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 9:23pm

Well, first of all I want to say WELCOME and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!


I am JenB, mom 2 my 4 kids (see siggie), I have been married for 8 years, and I am currently attending a community college for nursing. I will be graduating in May of 2008.


I asked my husband what advice he would give a new dad, and the joker that he is said "Bottle up top, Flap down bottom"


But seriously, you just have to reassure him that he will do a good job, if I were you, I would feed the baby right before you leave, and are you only taking one class a night??? I would also write complete instructions for him on what he needs to do for every situation that you can think of.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:58pm

Welcome to the board!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 11:54pm
well, my experience is slightly different. I'm 21 with a two year old, and in my second year of college to become a nuclear engineer. When I started school last year I was terrified that my husband wouldn't be able to handle our little girl. He had never actually spent a lot of time with her. For the first year he was clueless and not much help, but when I started school and there was no turning back, he blossemed as a dad and my partner. He was kinda forced into it, god took over and it's been great ever since. Makes me wish I wouldn't have been such a worrywart from the begining and pushed a little more responsibility on him. What I chalk it up as... I didn't fall in love with a bad guy, and god never gives you more than you can handle. Another huge enlightenment that I had was that with children all you can do is love them, and then love them some more because there's not a book out there that can tell you how to parent and gaurentee that you'll get it right.You'd be surprised how far love gets you with your children and parenting skills. These might help a new parent, I know that I'm a perfectionist and these hit me like bricks when my daughter was three months old and at a year. If you have any tips for a first time mom going through the terrible 2's I would love to hear it, because right now I'm lost and tired, while my daughter is set on GO!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:17am
Thanks for the advice! As far as the terrible two's go. I don't really know what to tell you, I raised a boy and as you know all children are different. I don't know anything about raising a girl, and my son is one of the most easygoing children I have ever seen. The only thing I can tell you is stay your ground. Idle threats never helped anyone, I know it is hard to deprive your child of something they may want in order to discipline them. Believe me it hurts you more than it hurts them and after a big show (for your benefit only) they will know you mean business. Thankfully if you choose you battles you will only have to do it once and they will respect you so much more. Good luck! Oh, and terrible two's is a misnomer, it really starts around 18 months!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 7:19pm

Just like a previous poster said, make sure you feed the baby, change it's diaper and make sure everything is ready for dad before heading to class. Maybe he'll get lucky and the baby will sleep most of the time you are gone. Newborns tend to sleep a lot in the beginning so dad may get a few weeks to adjust to his new role. I say if dad keeps the baby dry, fed, warm & loved, he should do just fine! I would definetely get him to read a good baby/parenting book and you can usually borrow baby care videos from your local library. You can also look into taking a basic newborn care class together. Also if there is a relative/friend who can assist him for the first few days, that might help him too. It is nerve-wracking at first (especially for a man) but he will get the hang of it and figure out his baby real quick! I would just keep reassuring him in the meantime!

As far as Terrible 2's go, I can tell you that it doesn't last forever!!! Like the PP said, Terrible 2's really do start at 18 months! With my ds, that was the case anyhow....1 WHOLE year later, I am happy to say that his temper is really under control....for the most part! Now that he can express himself a lot more, he is behaving much better. My ds is REAL strong-willed and independent so we have dealt with our fair share of terrible 2's but what I found that made his behavior worse was when he was tired, hungry or bored so if I made sure to avoid him from reaching that point, we didn't have as many tantrums and everything else that comes with the Terrible 2 behavior. I took a parenting class for toddlers through a local non-profit organization where I live and they provided me with a lot of great ideas on how to control their behavior, Terrible 2's and such. You should see if anything like that is offered in your area. Feel free to contact me directly if you have any specific behavior you are trying to work on (tantrums, sharing, etc) and maybe I can provide you with some ideas! Good luck but hang in there...it does get better!

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