Dh Rant - Advice Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Dh Rant - Advice Please
10
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 12:22pm

Hi I am new here, a friend of mine just sent me the link. I usually post on the April 08 EC. I just had my son 6 weeks ago today. He was 6 weeks early. After spending a month traveling back and forth from the hospital my son James finally came home. The last 2 weeks have been Hell and I am ready to shoot my husband in the knee LOL. During the hospital stay my dh was great I always knew I could lean on him on those really hard days and he would celebrate with me for really small milestones like the first bottle or bath. Getting to hold him for the first time was amazing for both of us. He supported me when I had issues with the nurses and backed me up when I fought with the drs. Here is the problem now that James is home he is lazy, he sleeps until 12p on the weekends refuses to help when he is home and just lays around. He complains when dinner is burnt or just a frozen pizza and just lets his alarm go off in the morning until it wakes the baby up. When I say something to him he always says hey I work what do you do all day. I try to explain that bfing takes up alot of time and then add in diapers and a colicky baby and what else do I have time for. All I want is for him to do the 1 bottle my son has to have so I can take a shower and maybe do dishes or laundry. And I can almost promise that if he doesn't start putting his dirty clothes in the laundry basket I will just burn them all and he can go around naked. I am at my wits end and don't know how to talk to him about it with out yelling and sounding judgemental. I truly appreciate everything he does for us so that I can SAH but lord if this is how it will be than I will just go back to work


Thank you for listening


Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 1:18pm
First off, let me give you some (((Hugs))) Amy.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 1:19pm
I just wanted to add that you have a beautiful baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 3:25pm

Amy {{{{{HUGS}}}}}


First of all, James is adorable... love the cheeks :-)))


I don't think you should go bak to work just cuz your DH is not being cooperative.. You agreed that you will SAH right...


Most men don't have a clue what we do all day, with a baby as well.... lets see,, bottles, diapers, baths, sleeping, burping, then the house, tidying up, picking up stuff, cleaning, bathrooms, living room, bedrooms, kitchen.... etc... plus laundry, washing , etc.. any SAHM knows the list is endless!!! LOL


Me and DH agreed that when Selim was born I would SAH... within 2 months I couldn't stand it any more.. he was so uncooperative, condescending, always complaining, he basically thought I just stay at home and play all day, and all of a sudden he wanted the house spotless.. with a newborn!! LOL


I went back to work, but my health just couldn't do it... he did nothing nothing nothing at home, I worked from 8 to 4, came home and went right back to work again at home doing everythig alone..


I lasted 3 months at work then I quit.. things got much "nicer" then cuz at least I had some energy left to sped the evenings with him...


I think you should continue SAH... hopefully he'll adjust.. men freak out at the idea of a baby, the respnsibility, the expenses etc etc etc....


Hang in there dear and keep us posted!


~K.I.S.S.  Keep It Simple & Serene~

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Registered: 03-17-2005
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 5:52pm

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Registered: 12-23-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 9:00pm
BIG (((HUGS))) Amy. I'm Jess, mom to Meghan (2 1/2). I understand were you are coming from. My DH did some of the same stuff. I finally had enough, and kind of blew up at him. Before it gets to that point, I would defiantly sit down with him and MAKE him have a serious talk. Don't let him joke around about anything. Tell him what you want. Congrats on your beautiful baby boy. Hope to see you posting.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 10:14pm

First of all, your son is beautiful!


Second, my husband is the same way. Even after almost 10 years of us having kids. I have left him alone with the kids all day and it does no good. He still doesn;t get what I do all day because when he had the kids, they went out to eat and did nothing but play video games and watch tv all day. The house was a disaster when I got home.


We have a rule in our house, if the laundry is not in the hamper, it does not get washed. I have no problem doing the laundry but I will not go from room to room picking it up off the floor.


My husband works nights so he hardly ever sees the kids except on weekends and then he usually just wants to sleep or lay around all day.


I pretty much run the house and take care of the kids by myself. Whcih is why I am going back to school so I can have my own career.


Sorry I don't have any advice for you. But I am giving you lots of (((hugs))) and hope things start to look up for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2006
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 1:20pm

First of all (((HUGS))), it will get better.


I went through the same thing with my DH when we had DD (DS is adopted and didnt get him until he was 16 months). MY DH didnt even spend the first night after DD was born with me in the hospital. I dont blame him for not wanting to because we were there since the


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Registered: 02-01-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:10pm
Oh, I so understand!

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2008 - 7:34am

If he can't realize how difficult it can be to care for a newborn while also taking care of the house and your dh himself, then you have to tell him. Tell him what you expect when he's home. You adorable son doesn't have jut one parent, he has two, and your dh needs to be a true partner in parenting when your home.


If he still doesn't get it, maybe you need to leave him with the

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Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 8:08am
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