40 with older kids and babies - where to find others

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2013
40 with older kids and babies - where to find others
Fri, 04-19-2013 - 6:55pm

I am 41 years old and have a 14 year old, 9 year old, 2 year old and 8 month old.  We only planned to have two kids.  The last two were unexpected gifts.  However, our lives have changed in many ways with their arrival.  I am very limited in what I can provide in terms of time to my two older kids, so they feel abandoned a lot.  I had to quit work because of the extra kids and not many affordable and reliable options for childcare.  My husband works like crazy to try and make ends meet and is studying full time to try and improve his income so he can be home more.  Because he is largely unavailable due to working and studying, I'm alone with the kids a lot.  I feel stuck because I have very little adult contact any more and I no longer feel like I know how to seek out new friends.  The people who have been our friends have just the older kids now and aren't limited in their social activities by babies, so we don't get to do things with them much any more.  When I look around at people who have babies, I start feeling pretty sure I'm old enough to be their parents (or at the very least a much older sibling). 

 I would love to find people who have this similar situation of having had kids that are now junior high/high school age, but also had at least one late-in-life "oopsie".  I don't seem to know how to look for that.  When I type things in to the web browser about playgroups for moms over 40 with babies, I just get a bunch of news articles about crimes parents over 40 have committted against their children (?@#&?). 

Anybody have any suggestions for how I can locate anybody that had a big life turn like we did that we could relate to?? Thanks!

Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003

Im 28 (29 in July) and I just had my first baby, so I will be an older mom myself by the time I'm finished. Anyway, message boards are a great way to connect with people from a similar situation. As far as getting out there and meeting other moms you could always go to the library to their reading program they offer and strike up a converstion with moms, go to functions of your older children and talk with their parents, walks in the park or mall and you will find other moms walking around, too.

That is the hardest thing about being a SAHM is the lack of adult interaction. I hear so many people so it goes quickly, so enjoy it. They also say how they wish they had the opportunity to stay home with their little ones, so I feel fortunate enough to have that option and a flexible work schedule for my husband. We live in a two family house with the in laws and DH is an only child, so they really are attached to our son. My parents live within a few block and all of our family is close by. We hang out with DH cousins every weekend and have since we all got married four years ago. Of course, the dynamic of our relationship is shifting as we are all having babies. I feel blessed that even if I didn't have any friends, we are close knit with DH family particularly.

You could always join a YMCA or local moms club, too. I wish you the best of luck in finding mom friends in your area. Making friends is not as easy as when you're in school that's for sure.  

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Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007

Hi and welcome to iVillage Smile

I read your post and continued to nod, yes, that is me as well.

I am "still 39" and terrified to turn 40 years old this coming November!!

I am married and we have a 8 yr. old son and a 4 yr. old daughter and I am also a SAHM.  So, I can relate and know what your talking about!!  I feel so old at 39 (smile).

I will not be too pushy and ask what state you live in, but happy to share I am in TN Smile

Feel free to post anytime and you may also private message me on here if you would like!

Nice to meet you and you are definetly not alone!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2000

Hi Everyone, I wish I had an answer for you, I a work at home mom with a 11 year old, 24 year old, 28 year old and 31 year old.  The older ones are on their own, so its just the 11 year old at home.

Hang in there something will work out.