Aahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Aahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 6:48pm
My 17 month old daughter just threw her first fall out, scream at the top of her lungs tantrum. I am sooooooo stressed right now. She was just crying because she could not get her way. I made her sit in her time out chair for her routine 10 minutes but she didn't give up. She just kept screaming! I thought I was going to rip my hair out! The 10 minutes came and went. So, I fed her dinner, which I thought would calm her down a bit, but she got even more upset when all her food was gone. Okay, at my wits end by this point. I stuck to my word though and put her to bed. I feel bad putting her to bed at like 6:30 (her bedtime is 8) but I couldn't take it anymore. I am so frazzled right now. This is the first time she has acted like this. So, tell me ladies, what do you do when your child throws a fit like this? I hope I handled it okay. I kept my cool as best I could. Any comments would be appreciated. Okay, thanks for listening. Needed to vent. -Paige, frazzled mom 2 bailey
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 7:58pm

I am a big fan of Dr. Phil and Dr. Karp..hope this can help!


How to Stop a Temper Tantrum in Seconds

Dr. Harvey Karp is a board-certified pediatrician, associate professor of pediatrics at UCLA School of Medicine and the author of the book and DVD The Happiest Toddler on the Block, in bookstores now. He offers advice on understanding your toddler and how to stop your child's temper tantrum in seconds:

It helps to think of your toddler as sort of a caveman. With all their grunting and grabbing, toddlers often seem quite primitive. To communicate with them, you have to speak in a primitive and almost prehistoric type of language — Toddler-ese — with lots of gestures. It needs to be as energetic and dramatic as the child is being. To speak Toddler-ese, use:


  • Short phrases.

  • Tons of repetition.

  • A passionate tone of voice.

  • Lots of exaggerated facial expressions and body gestures (like big smiles, frowns and vigorous pointing).

    Parents do this already when a child is happy, they're way over the top. But when kids are upset, parents try to be calm and logical. Parents need to be over the top whether the child is happy or upset.

    Follow the Fast-Food Rule. This rule is simple: When your child is upset, you should take a lesson from the order-takers at a burger joint — always repeat back his "order" (what he wants) before you tell him your "price" (what you want). Toddlers who are in the middle of a meltdown are incapable of hearing our message (our reasons, reassurance, distraction or warning) until they're sure we understand and respect their message. So when your tot is upset, before you mention your ideas, take a minute to sincerely describe what he's doing and how you think he feels.

    When using Toddler-ese and the Fast-Food Rule, children are much more reasonable because they feel respected and heard. Otherwise, they don't think we understand them.

    Here's an example. Your bored 15-months-old child toddles over to the front door, bangs on it and screeches to go to the yard. Whether you intend to go out or not, the first thing you should do is reflect his message by energetically and lovingly saying, "Out! Out! Out!! You say, 'Go, Mommy, go, GO!!!'" Once your son calms a little, then you can go out with him or offer some options or a distraction.

    If your child is screaming because you took away the lipstick he was using as a crayon, passionately echo his feelings by saying, "You want! YOU want!!! You want it nowwww!! You want! YOU want!! You want it nowwww!!" Notice the repetition, the short phrasing, and the way the sentence builds up to the final emphasized word. You should be energetic, but never shouting.

    Don't be surprised if it takes four or five repetitions before you even begin to get your little buddy's attention! You'll know you're making progress when he suddenly looks up, as if he's thinking, What? Did you say sumptin'? But don't stop then. When he's really upset, you may need to repeat his feelings another five to 10 times before he realizes that you really "get it" and that you're on his side.

    For more information about Dr. Karp, see his first appearance on the show: "Parenting 101: FAQ's" and his technique for calming a crying baby or go to www.thehappiestbaby.com.
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