Advice on being tactful...
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| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 1:30am |
I am like a mother tiger when I feel like someone is mean to my kids..there is probably nothing that makes me more angry.
My oldest dh is in theatre and he is working on a play right now with a very large cast. He is very experienced..and well he is just a different kind of child.
He is very sensitive to any adult that he feels is speaking harshly to him. He has a very peaceful homelife, and dh and I hardly ever raise our voices at our children. My ds is the kind of kid that has favorite shows like Mr Ed and Green Acres. He is very spiritual and takes everything my dh and I say very literally.
To get to the problem...One night Dh got off work late and our 2 yr old acts like a typical two year old wherever he goes. He will not be quiet in the theatre and since I was feeling sick We decided to sit in front of our van, the theatre door where my son waits to go on between scenes is directly in front so we thought that would be best. I gave my ds his gameboy and a book he was reading and told him to sit quietly and watch the tv monitor for when it was time to go on.
I have no doubt in my mind that, that is exactly what he did. My ds did come out a few times to get a drink of a coke I had bought him since he can not take it in to the theatre. Well an hour later here comes my ds crying his eyes out, he got into the van and hid behind the backseat. Before I could find out what was wrong this lady comes up and says "oh good, I was worried because he ran out of the building" she then goes on to say that my ds was running around backstage and that he was getting into props and bothering the other children ect, ect. She then makes it known that she is a middle school teacher and that she is also usually a director of the theatre during most children shows(this was our first time at this paticular theatre). She also says she asked him if he had a book or something to read , and that is when he ran out and she thought maybe she had touched on a sore spot or something, implying maybe he could not read very well, to which I wanted to brag about him reading since he was four!
She had a guilty look on her face and she rambled on and on for about 10 min before she said she had to go inside.
As soon as she left my ds jumped up from the backseat still crying and said Mommy that lady told you a big lie! He said that him and another boy were sitting in a corner talking about his gameboy, he said he got up to get a drink of water and she said something like, Mister get over here! and told him he was running around to much. That is when he bolted out the door because she had scared him.
Tonight I went in and sure enough this lady is bossing all the kids around getting on to them for tiny infractions, and my ds said that while waiting to go onstage some grownups in the back laughed at something on stage and my ds laughed along with them but covered his mouth and she got onto him. My ds said I guess kids and grownups have different rules when we are backstage.
Now normally I would have already gone off on this lady! I absolutely believe my ds was telling the truth! But...she made it VERY clear that she has some sort of clout at the theatre and I don't want to ruin any of ds's chances later. So, should I just keep quiet or tell someone or what?
I am a preschool teacher at home and formally taught at a private school. I love kids and try very hard to speak to them respectfully, but I am no pushover either. How could I tactfully let her know that she needs to tone it down a bit?
Thanks(sorry for ramble, but it is 12:00 here and i'm sleepy....lol
Traci

Hi,, you didn't say how old your son was? Is he is Jr. high?,,, 1st I want to say wow,, I wish I could never raise my voice it is the one thing I regret everyday,, I yell,, I always say I am not going to and then I do,, I have 3 girls who are very busy and I always end up yelling,,,
Now I am so the type to say things to teachers or whom ever that I feel should be teaching kids and they are just mean,,, so what I would do is go in and say to her,,, ''hey do you got a minute to speak?'',, if she says no then tell her that it is important and you would like to know when is a good time,,,,, you have to keep your cool cause you are about to tell her that you don't like her raising her voice to your child so you must remain in the same demeaner,,, ya know?,,
then just ask her or explain to her that your child may be a little more senstive then other's and that you don't beleive he was really running around,, and you wondered if she could try to be a little more senstive to his feelings,, that if he is acting up could she please let you know and you will handle it,,, GL,, let us know,,
Tell her that you know she has rules and that you have discussed with your DS his need to respect them. But then ask her to be aware that he's having ongoing trauma as a result of these minor encounters and ask if she'd keep it in mind during future interactions with your DS and that you'd appreciate her sensitivity. I realize, this doesn't address her misrepresenting your DS's actions to you. But if you start civilly, you can see if it gets you anywhere.
My DS is only in kindergarten, but he got reprimanded one day for refusing to sing a song during circle time. As it turned out, the song he refused to sing was the one about the alligator snapping the five little monkeys out of the tree. I contacted the teacher and told her that DS had actually cried on several occasions just trying to describe that song. He said that he visualized alligators with giant jaws ripping cute little monkeys to shreds and blood everywhere. She gave me the party line about it being a make believe story so it wasn't real, but she them promptly removed the song from the curriculum and they NEVER once sang it again. I think people do try to appreciate how sensitive kids can be, once they are made aware of it.
Congrats on not saying anything nasty to this teacher already. I'd have been tempted to light into her - Suzanne
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