allowance from hubby?

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Registered: 06-28-2006
allowance from hubby?
32
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 10:46am

Hi there!

I am a brand new stay at home mom, I am on maternity leave now.....

I was wondering, for all you stay at homes, aside from household necessities, do you get an allowance from your husband? If so, approximately how much?

We've been talking about it... and my hubby was asking me how much... I didn't want to give an amount too high or too low! :)

Thanks,
T

Firsttymmommy to Iz and 2nd time to... baby#2... baby
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Registered: 03-17-2005
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:17pm

I do not believe that a SAHM requires an allowance.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:25pm

OK, this is JMHO, but marriage is a partnership amongst 2 equals. I don't think there should be any "allocating" of money from one to the other. You both should have equal access to all accounts: checking, savings, mutual funds, money markets, savings bonds, etc. Both names should be on EVERYTHING worth anything: cars, houses, etc. I feel really strongly about this.

My husband has been the sole income earner for 8 years. He earns a very good salary. He pays the bills on line from his office at work, or the computer at home, just because I have no interest in doing it and he's better at math ;) However, the only financial arrangement we have between the 2 of us is that any purchase over $500 (with the exception of gifts for each other) must be mutually agreed upon.

I spend whatever I want whenever I want. I don't even tell him what I spend unless it's over $500.

I also work as hard as he does raising 4 kids and keeping up the house. He helps, but that is *my* full time job, and it is as important as *his* full time job.

Before I quit work and stayed home, we agreed that all money he earns belongs to both of us equally. That is just what marriage is all about. If I ever go back to work, whatever I'm paid will be dumped into joint accounts. Both of our names are on everything. There is no financial separation, and I don't think there should be.

There was a time when my DH was in medical school where *I* was the only income earner. He had student loans, which helped us make ends meet and paid his tuition and books. But I earned the money and supported him. All the money I earned went into a joint checking account. He spent as he saw fit, as did I. Now our income is much higher, but the same system holds true. I would be highly insulted and we'd have a huge fight if he ever tried to allocate a certain set amount of money to me. It is not his money to allocate to me. It belongs to both of us.

Don't forget, you are his equal. And you will be working just as hard as he is, if you aren't already.

This is just my opinion. But it has worked beautifully for us.

BTW, welcome to the board!! Hope to see you posting more often. Good luck with this, and congratulations on your new baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:35pm

Thanks Sofia for taking time to write a thorough post. I appreciate it.

I have to get around the idea of everything being equal inspite of only him working.

I'm glad I saw this board! I usually just post on my February expecting club..

Take care,
Theresa

Firsttymmommy to Iz and 2nd time to... baby#2... baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 6:40pm

Whoa! I think everyone is taking this "allowance" thing a little too literally. As I see it, this "allowance" that she is given is certain money that she can take to spend on her weekly/bi-weekly or whatever. I don't think her husband is going to hand over a twenty and say no more for two weeks. It sounds like they are trying to budget what can be spent on personal shopping or whatever you want. If he takes care of the money then he is the one who deals with the finances. There is nothing wrong with that.


I do agree that marriage is a partnership and there was nothing in her post to indicate that her marriage is a dictatorship. She is just looking for our opinions on what we spend usually to see what she should budget as her "me money". Depending on everyone's budgets and income, this amount can vary.

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Avatar for pooh136
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 11:53pm

Hi, I'm just a lurker here but wanted to say that I

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Registered: 01-31-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 10:01am

I think the members of this board are encouraging her to see herself as an equal partner, not ridculing her. And it's not surprising that the expectation that we might all have an allowance would insult some of the people reading it, eventhough I'm certain that was a response the origional poster wasn't expecting.

I've seen many instances where the working dad goes on weekly golf outings, get's starbucks every morning, eats out at nice restaurants for lunch every day, and then expects his sahwife to have an "allowance". Budgeting is a very personal thing and different things work for different families. What's is important is that she feel like an equal, and the term "alowance" does not generate visions of equality, which may be why the ladies here nearly stroked out, lol. If you are going to budget a set amount of money for personal use every month, though, it should be fair and equal.

Erin

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Registered: 01-16-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:30pm

Allowance? Well what does the "allowance" have to cover? Is this money for you to go have fun? Or is the allowance for groceries, cleaning supplies, diapers, ect.? I personally do not have a set amount of money that my husband gives me, I do a side biz for extra money to spend on myself and if I want more money and it's for something that I need or really want within reason I get it from him. As long as it is in our budget. I like to have my own money for independence reasons. I also like to be home for my children. I have a bank account in my own name and then we also have a joint checking and savings account. That way I have things in my own name and I still feel like a person and not just Mommy! If I were to be givin an allowance it would be hard for me to state how much was fair. You could look at your budget and after putting your monies were they are needed you could do a an equal amount of allowance between you and your husband, not including gas for him. It pretty much is only fair to do it like that so that you can be a person also! Hope this helps.

Staci

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Registered: 10-06-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:55pm

Personally, I think a budget is reasonable, but not an allowance. I have a spending problem and so I told my DH that I should only be given a certain amount because of this. It helps because if I had a bad day, I would go to Michael's Craft Store and spend a bunch to feel better. Never worked, just made us more in debt. Not good.


I can uderstand a budget, but an allowance seems archaic. Maybe a budget would be better if that is what you desire?

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Registered: 01-18-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:55pm
I've been a SAHM for 3 yrs., I have a 2yr old and one due in May, and when I stopped working I was still pregnant, and my husband & I talked about my "spending money" I don't have an allowance, he just tells me that I can get/do whatever I want/need, as long as there is enough money to cover all the bills & expenses for the week. We have a weekly budget book, & as long as all the bills are covered, I'm in the clear to spend if need be. It is a pain to keep up with the budget book, especially when your a SAHM with little ones, but so far it has worked for us and we haven't come up short yet.

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Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:17pm

I think you have to find what works best for you and your situation. It seems like of all my friends and myself we each have a different situation. I have a friend who puts aside $50 a week in an envelope for lunch and activities once that money is gone she is done for the week. Another is given $500 a month for stuff for herself and her kids. She uses it mainly for toys/clothes, haircuts, spa stuff but ends up saving a lot of it. She has over $1000 and not sure yet what she is going to do with that.

I envied her a little for having an allowance but my husband and I decided that since we have a joint account it didn't make sense to give me any money b/c I could just use what I needed when I needed it. I just ask that I always have $20 in my wallet. That can last a long time though b/c I usually use my credit card for most purchases.

These are just a few idea's for you.