Am I being selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Am I being selfish?
4
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 5:58am

Hi

I got such good advice from you ALL that I have another question.

My husband is a voluteer fireman for a nearby small town. I think it's great that he has had all this training, he's an EMT, he has training like every other Tuesday, his friends w/ all the guys on the fire department. Some months he would have 15 calls (were he has to leave and go to the fire station) and some months he has 3 calls. It just depends. It's not like he has a call every day and night - it's not like that.

Well, after we had our baby a couple of months ago I told him to turn off the pager at night b/c the baby would be waking us up and it would be awful to also have the pager waking us up too. He agreed. He goes to fire calls during the day - has the pager on from 7am to 930pm. At his job he is allowed to leave work to go to these fire calls which is great.

Well, he asked if he could turn the pager back on tonite since baby has been sleeping thru the night - it went off an hour ago - now I am wide awake -- ugh!!
should I ask him to quit this? I cant take it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 9:04am
Is there any way to put it on vibrate? That way it only wakes him and not you?
He can have it under the pillow or on his pjs that way it only vibrates on him.
Is there a reason he has it on at night if he does not go at night?





Lilypie Baby Birthday

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 1:16pm

He has had the pager off at nite until last nite - he did go when the call came - and didn't get home for an hour.

He could get a vibrating pager, problem is that I am a LIGHT sleeper and him opening up the garage to pull his car out wakes me up too.

And then I can't go back to sleep b/c I'm worried. Most of the calls aren't fires, he has to go if someone has a seizure or if someone smells gas, whenever someone calls the fire dept in, but I still worry every time he goes.

I want him to quit, but I haven't told him that b/c he loves it, he even won an award for his service last year. And when I meet him I was attracted to the fact that he wants to help others, etc. but now we have a child together - and if he gets hurt or dies, what are we going to do? and now that we have the baby - sleep is very important to me -- and I just want him to quit..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 3:41pm
Why don't you talk to him about how you are feeling?
My husband once wanted to be a vol. firefighter and I told him no! We also had a baby and there was no way I was letting him go out and maybe get hurt or die and leave me alone with a baby.
BUT, I wish I had talked to him about it first and not just tell him he couldn't.
Like you said, he loves it, he only gets calls that are not very serious.
I think the best thing to do is talk to him about how you are feeling.





Lilypie Baby Birthday

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 8:15pm

I think that's great that your husband is willing to volunteer his time to such a great cause, but I can also see why you're upset. I'm not sure what the right answer is since he really seems to enjoy doing it and I'm sure they need all the people they can get. Would he be willing to continue as he was, not being on call for the night shift? I think that would be a good compromise...he wouldn't have to quit something he likes being a part of and you won't be missing out on that much needed mommy sleep.

I don't think you're being selfish at all. I felt the same way when I asked my husband to stop volunteering for so many things. I felt bad because they were all great things he helped out with, but it got to the point where he hardly ever spent any time with the kids. You just need to do what's right for your family and not feel guilty about it (moms already have way to much guilt : )

I'm sure you've already told him how you feel so hopefully you'll be able to come to an agreement that will work for both of you.

Good luck!
Wendy