Am I being selfish? Or do I need help?
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Am I being selfish? Or do I need help?
| Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:50am |
Hi everyone! I just have a few questions. Here's my situation: I haven't worked full-time since last November, I stay at home with DS who is 3 1/2 and I am 36 weeks pregnant. DH works Mon-Thurs 3pm-11pm and Fridays 10:30am-6:30pm. DS goes to preschool Mon & Wed at 9:15am for two hours and has Hip-hop class on Saturdays at 9:45am for 30 minutes. DH absolutely refuses to bring DS to any of the classes because it's too early for him to get up. But he sleeps in everyday (usually until 10:30am), gets up, watches TV or plays video games until he goes to work, oh he'll unload the dishwasher if it has to be done that day! He uses working until 11pm as an excuse, well maybe he shouldn't go to bed at 2am everyday! I'd like to sleep in too. Afterall I am pregnant, take care of the house and DS from the time he gets up until he goes to bed (which isn't until 11pm most nights, ugh!). I'm just so annoyed that he won't give me a break because sleeping is too important to him. If I didn't take DS to his classes he wouldn't get to do anything!
Thanks for listening :-)

I really dont have a clue what you should do about it though. Other then to talk to your husband about how this makes you feel.
I hope that he gives you a few days to rest up before your next child comes.
Good luck.
I once asked him what he would do if he was working a 9-5 type job. He a college debate coach and teaches classes in the afternoon/evening instead of the morning. He said he would never, ever work a job that made him get up that early.
I try to think about it rationally that he works the same number of hours I do in a day because when he's up late he generally is working but there is just something about looking at him sleeping peacefully in his bed while I'm chasing the 5 year old around with a hairbrush, discovering that she needs something special for school, contemplating whether a shower is on my agenda and grabbing my DS (10 mo.) hands out of the toilet for the umpteenth time since 6 a.m. that sends me into fury overdrive. I also hate that I'm a light enough sleeper that his coming to bed wakes me up so in a typical night I might be up at midnight when he comes in (it always wakes DS so I get him back down), up once with DD who tends to have nightmares and up once when DH comes to bed. One of my SAHM fantasies is going away to a motel for a weekend and just sleeping whenver I want to!
O.K. here I was trying to be supportive and tell you that you're not alone with this problem and instead it wound up a rant about my sleepy DH!
Taleyna
My DH has had to work late nights a lot over the last 3 years, and one thing that you need to remember is that it's hard for some men to wind down after dealing with the stress from work.
First of all he needs to realize that being pregnant is a hard job in itself. A baby will call on your normal resources 3x more than you yourself would if you were not pg. I had this same problem years ago with my DH. And I absolutely unloaded. I honestly would leave him if he had not changed. He helped bring them into this world as much as I did and he will help me raise them as much as I do. Regardless if he works 8 hours a day or not. Staying at home (I think people forget) is A FULL TIME JOB! It does have the best rewards of "I love you mommy" but never the less I want someone to say its not stressful. I do school for hours at night and homework to no end, but even before that I needed help. My Mexican FIL hates this..he is of the same thoughts of "women should cook, clean, be barefoot and pg, and keep their mouths shut". I am exactly the opposite..hehe Basically if you keep letting it go, it doesn't get better it gets worse. And in my opinion, that's just no kind of happiness.
And as for sleep...I don't sleep anymore hardly...I go to bed anywhere from 1 to 3 in the morning and still get up to deal with everyday life. I know that makes me better suited for a 3rd shift job when the time comes, but it actually fits into my schedule with myself wanting to be a L&D nurse..it means I will work 3 12 hour shifts on weekends and be free for my kids during the week when they are in school (and DH cannot be home to take care of them).
As for a solution, I suggest telling him its time to alternate...let him take a shift every other time. Its only fair. Raising kids is a 2 person job. Its not just your responsiblity to make sure he gets to just go to work and worry about nothing else. Its his adult responsiblity as well. I am sure you worry about the bills, the house, the car, the appts., getting ready for the next baby, the child you have, his needs, etc. etc. So why should he get to do just one step ?? Good luck in this situation. It won't change over night..but I definetly would let him know how you feel. It took me several times before I got thru to my DH that I refused to live like this. But I did...And our marriage is much better for it...He now realizes staying at home is not something easy..and I think he wouldn't trade me on it any day....
Angelia
Mother of 2 boys