Am I the only one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Am I the only one?
11
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 7:57pm
Ok, since I don't really know any of you I will just be completely honest (you can talk behind my back and I won't ever know). I read all these messages about SAHMs and loving it...and maybe it's just my sons age (8 months) but is there any one else out there who doesn't love it...or maybe at least didn't love it at one time, but now does since their children are older???

Don't get me wrong...I love my son more than I could ever have imagined...I just don't love staying at home full time. I don't regret the decision and I won't go back to work because it would personally break my heart to put him in day care when he is this young, but all that being said...I do it because I think it is best for him, but I still don't love it. Is there ANYONE else out there that feels the same???

Most days I feel like I am just getting through the day...trying to keep from going insane from boredom and loneliness. I am a member of two Moms groups so that does help one day a week, but the other days I feel like I'm going to go crazy. I don't do a lot of errands because my son is a stickler to his nap schedule and also doesn't like the car seat at all...so here I am. I sometimes leave the tv on in the background most of the day so that I have some adult conversation, but then I feel guilty that I have the tv on too much for my son (by the way...he isn't in front of it...it's on in the other room).

Ok...thanks for letting me vent. I hope this is just a stage and that as he gets older I will enjoy it more; however, I was just hoping that maybe somebody else felt the same way I did.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 11:03pm
Hey, I don't feel the way you do but one of my best friends does. She enjoys working. The same with my sister. It is just as much a part of them as me always wanting to be a stay at home mom. I don't think anything is wrong with that nor does it make you a bad person, we are all just different. My friend recently went back to work part time because she needed it for her. She has a first grader, pre-schooler and 7 month old. Going back to work part time for her has been the best thing for her. It has made her happy and thus even though it is an adjustment on the children she can be a better mom to them when she is with them. A friend in our neighborhood watches her kids.

Laura from Utah and mom to:

Deven 11

Amber 10

Bryen 9

Jered 8

Mikel 6

Ceaira 4

Taryn 2

Taylynne 1.5

Zane 0.5

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 11:18pm
No, youre not the only one. I appreciate it when I see posts like yours, spoken with true honesty. I love my kids more than anything else. When I worked, I wanted to stay home. Now I am home and really want to work, especially on those bad days. I know it is better for the entire family if I am at home. When it gets real difficult, I take some time to myself without the kids. If I can't find anyone to go out with, I'll do the shopping or have my husband take the kids. Even 5 minutes alone at the neighbors house can be a blessing. If you really feel that you want to work, perhaps you could work a few hours when dad can watch your son or get a trusted friend or family member to watch him for you. I know its tough, but there are bright days too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:58am
Hello, brandync

I know how you feel as well.I used to work seven days a week and bring home and income triple of what I do now. But, when I was working all I used to think about was being at home. Especially when my daughter talked to a new person or ate a new food and I wasn't there. I kept feeling like I needed to work in order to prove I could do both. But, I was miserable and stayed that way for 1 of my daughters life! I am at home now full time and I take care of my 2.5 year old, and three other toddlers of the same age! It is a nightmere and the worst part is I don't make that much money! I feel like I should be making more. But, the truth is the best part of my day is when my daughter wakes up and tells me : "Mommy I wake up all night long!" it is the coolest thing I have ever done. But, I do have a part-time job that I do on the weekends that I think I do for my sanity! I understand the cabin fever and the frustration. This job is much harder then any other job I have ever had! But, it is a job for life! So there is no two weeks notice or transfering locations! I guess my only advice is do things for yourself too. Other then the mothers group. Your still a mom their and not you. So do things for you! If that is a part-time job or just going to starbucks for a couple of hours do it for you and your sanity! Then you time with your baby will be even better because then you won't feel like that is all you do anymore.

smiles =) Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 8:23am
It doesn't sound like you want to go back to work, necessarily, just that staying at home is hard and boring and lonely sometimes. I totally agree. My daughter is 10 months old with a strict napping schedule and a severe dislike of the carseat. Everyday we head to the gym and I work out for an hour while she plays with the other kids (I am also 4 months pregnant with a second). Then the rest of the day is spent trying to keep her entertained and get some things done around the house. Yawn!!! God, it's lame and boring! Believe me, watching her grow has been amazing. And I can't imagine leaving and going back to work and letting someone else look after her all day. BUT... the main problem is that I can't DO anything else during the day! Is that what you are feeling? It's not like I can do some sort of craft project or work on my writing because she is constantly underfoot and needing entertainment (and having to eat and get a new diaper, ha ha).

My mom says that she'll be able to entertain herself soon, like after a year old. We'll see.

During the time that I posted this message, she's tried to turn off the computer 2 times, pulled receipts out of the trash and ate the corner off of one of her books. Wheee!!

The best advice I can give you is try to get out of the house and see your girlfriends once or twice a month. If your husband is nice and helpful (which I know is rare...but mine is great) take a class once a week. Get away from all the "kid" stuff. When I am on the treadmill at the gym I try to look at magazine that is not child or family related. I'll look at the golf magazines if I have to! I don't even play!

Write to me anytime if you are bored. We'll talk about anything other than babies.

Melissa

meldisny@yahoo.com

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 10:23am
Yes...that is exactly how I feel. I don't want to go back to work, but staying at home is so much harder than I ever imagined. There is just never any me time. Thanks for your reply...it helps to know there are others who feel the same
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 10:47am
WOW! Someone else who feels JUST LIKE ME! Whew! What a relief to know I am not alone!

My son is also 8 months old, is a stickler for his nap times (makes outings difficult) and isn't SUPER thrilled with his car seat.... at least not with a winter coat on. My TV is on most of the day too! I leave it on to keep from going insane, and then I worry that it isn't good for him. My house is not real big, so if it is on he is going to see it.. although I try very hard to keep him looking away from it and focus on his toys, or me (not always a winning battle). I worry that I don't know what I am supposed to be teaching him... is he learning the "right" things from me? If he was in daycare, what would he be learning that I don't know about?

I also feel like I am just trying to get thru the day,,, waiting until my DH gets home. I live in Ohio and neither my DH or I have ANY family here, so it's not an option to go see my Mom for an afternoon... everything involves a long distance phone call. I LIVE for when family makes plans to come for a visit, but at the moment none are scheduled. It might be March before I see my Mom and Dad again. UGH! None of my girlfriends are SAHM's, so there is no one to "play" with during the day.

I LOVE being here to watch him grow, change and learn. I know I wouldn't change that for anything.... but i just get so lonely some days. Hopefully I will find someone here and we can email, keep each other's spirits up, become a good support for one another. please feel free to email me! bloemers2@earthlink.net

Thanks for being honest with how you feel, it helps others!

Wendy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 01-31-2004 - 11:20pm
I can completely relate. I am a SAHM with 4 month old twins! I love them to pieces but I just don't get any time to myself. It is amazing seeing them develop and I wouldn't change it for the world nor would I put them in daycare but some days I just feel like I need adult interaction. We too are on a pretty rigid schedule which keeps us tied down and since my babies were preemies, we are also sequestered to the house until April. I have got such cabin fever I am counting the days down until Spring arrives so we can get out of the house. It's awful to say but I am often envious of my husband who works as he gets out of the house, gets to go out to lunch, etc. etc. Of course I know what comes with working and it's no walk in the park either but being a SAHM is a 24/7 job and I didn't realize how tough it would be.

Brooke

Mom to Sophie and Brady

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2003
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 12:26am
That is exactlly what I mean! I would love to write. Or work on my scrapbooking but my two year old has to be the center of attention all the time! I wonder what she is going to do when her brother gets here. He by the way is always moving and kicking and it's everywhere at once! So different from my pregnancy with my daughter. Do you know what you are having this time? We wanted to know and a boy is what we wanted! But, I didn't think we get that lucky! Anyway your little one will soon become more dependent on themselves and you get a little more time. But, then the two year old will be talking and asking a billion questions a minute but it's fun!

=) jessica

Avatar for springolife
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 9:10am
I think all SAHM goes through this at some time. Probably when your baby gets older and can do more things, though, it will be alot more fun. I have one friend that has a 1 1/2 year old that is always going to play groups and the mall and the museums and stuff, and has a blast! I don't have a car, so the only time I get out is when I go to work with my DH and she picks me up and takes me out for the day. So, I'm a pretty bored and loney SAHM.

I'm fixing to have another baby, though, and I will have a one year old and a newborn, so I will be too busy to think about being lonely! Good luck, and I hope things get better for you soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 9:38am

Hi Brandy,


I remember when my daughter was a baby, I was starved for adult conversation. Maybe, you can find a MOPs group in your area(moms of preschoolers). Have you ever considered a home based business? That way you could talk to other adults and work. Some of the business don't take a lot of time away from your family. If you do start looking for a home based business, check out the company you are working with first. There are a lot of scams out there. Good luck!


Jamie


http://www.internetmoms.net/cgi-bin/team.cgi?id=Ja55453&action=show


Praise GOD, for everything you have and don't have.

 

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