Am I overreacting? School charity

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Am I overreacting? School charity
12
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 9:58am

Our elementary school has a very active PTO, which is great. They've come up with some wonderful imaginative ways to fund-raise for school events without us having to 'pimp' our kids with door to door sales. These women donate a HUGE amount of time to the kids, which I appreciate, but they've really gone too far now.

Along with raising money for school functions, we also raise money for charities. For instance, there was a little girl in the community who needed a heart transplant, got one, and then was overloaded with costs and expenses, so we had 'hat day'. The kids brought in a dollar or more (I sent in more as I knew the girl personally) and were allowed to wear a hat that day. It's a fun way to fundraise. We did the same thing for Hurricane Katrina.

Unfortunately, a few of the teachers and even a couple of children have been diagnosed with cancer this year. Even my daughter's teacher battled ovarian cancer last year, only coming back in the beginning of February. Nikki had a long term sub from October until her return. This caught the PTO's attention, as it should, and this year decided to more heavily participate in fundraising THROUGH THE KIDS for the American Cancer Society. We have an event in the community call Relay for Life which is held to honor and remember cancer victims and raise money and the pto decided to use that as the springboard. Listen to all we were asked to participate in:

Backwards day: for $1 you can wear your clothes backwards
Pajama day: for $1 you can wear your PJs
Hat day: for $1 you can wear your hat
Slippers day: for $1 you can wear your slippers
Sunglasses day: you get the picture
Team shirt day: another dollar!
Purple day: another dollar!

They were also handed out small sun banners to write names of people they were related to who died or survived cancer, sending them back to be hung costs (you guessed it) $1 each.

The kids were also given small containers that look like film canisters to collect quarters in. They do chores or favors and we're supposed to give them quarters for it which will then be brought in for the ACS and the class that brings in the most gets a pizza party.

So I thought this was a bit much, but I went along with it. Instead of sending in a dollar everyday, I just sent in a check for the total (which was a suggested alternative) and we have also sent in several quarters. Monday Nik came home and said 'Wendnesday is bacwards chair day, for a dollar we can turn our chair around backwards in class. Only our class is doing it'. I told her I'd already donated all that was nessicary and she should still be able to turn her chair around. She comes home on Tuesday and says 'the teacher says this wasn't included in the $12 we donated'. Grrrrr!! I told her I didn't care, I had donated what I wanted to donate and I wasn't going to send in more. I mean, you have to say enough's enough at some point. So she then says 'fine, I'll take my own money'. Her TOOTH MONEY!!!???

So our issue is this: Our children shouldn't be USED for fundraising for charity. We feel that the every now and then bring a dollar get a privalige routine is fine, but they've really gone too far this time. I think charity events at schools should be used to teach children about charities and encourage them to really think about why they should give to to those they need it, not teach them that if they give money they get something in return. The pto was clear in the flyer that came home that the children could still participate in the events if they didn't bring a dollar, but these are elementary school kids! They see their friends bringing in money for privaliges and they aren't, how do they think that makes them feel?! And this year I only have 1 child in school, what happens next year when I have 3?! We appreciate the ACS and all the PTO does for our kids, but isn't this too much? We did talk to Nikki about all this and she didn't take in her tooth money, LOL.

Dh sent a very well writen non-accusatory E-mail to the PTO head with his concerns. Just as we expected, they didn't understand our problem with this. They just assumed either we didn't appreciate the chosen charity or the donation was a 'financial burden' and reitterated the fact that the kids didn't have to donate to participate. Are we wrong here? Would this bother you?

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 10:21am

Erin I don't think you are over reacting at all. I was PTO president of my boys school when they were in elementary school, I wouldn't allow that type of fundraiser and here is why:


The less fortunate kids are basically being punished and not getting to participate because their parents can not afford to send money all the time. And there are always families in that position in the schools.


Also I feel it is better to teach children to give with out reward, paying for a reward teaches them you need to get something in return for a good dead and I personally do not agree with that, giving is about GIVING not GETTING.


I think if the PTO wants to help families in need it is great but a better way to do it is to set up a charity fund and put a large container somewhere in the school where all the kids can drop coins< just because,> and the less fortunate kids do not have to feel left out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 4:26pm

Oh good grief! I don't think you're over-reacting at all, and I completly agree. All these kids are learning is to be selfish... giving so you can get back... WTH kind of character building lesson is THAT?


Personally, I think it's ridiculous, and I like Rose's idea about having a central location for the kids to drop off their coins if they want to. Doing it the way they are only

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 6:04pm

No, I don't think you're overreacting. While I *totally* support giving to charity & helping those in need (DH & I give a great deal every month to charity), I agree that for the kids it shouldn't be about getting something in return. And also, that the less fortunate kids can't give as much and are thus penalized.

Why don't they do something where the kids work and are sponsored? Like a walk-a-thon or cleaning up trash in the local park. That would seem to me to teach the idea better, and be more reasonable.

I'm amazed by the fundraising packets that come home over here, too, and none of it is to support worthy causes! It's for school supplies and the like, and we live in such a high tax bracket, that I wonder where our taxes are going if the schools need supplies. When I visit, it doesn't appear that the school needs anything, as it is so cushy and state-of-the-art, you wouldn't believe. Kind of makes you wonder. . .

Your DH sounds like mine, sending a well-written & diplomatic email. That made me LOL. Go DH!!

Sofia




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Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 6:19pm

The pto was careful to make it clear to the parents that the kids ARE allowed to participate even if they do not donate, but I think this is hard for elementary kids to understand. They still see others bringing in money while they are not. I've had to explain to Nikki a couple of times that she has already paid all that was asked for (one lump sum via check) because she sees others bringing in ones every day and she is not. I worry what some of the kids, the ones not contributing, are thinking to themselves about it all, KWIM? It wouldn't be a stretch to think that somewhere in there brains they're worried about what their peers and, worse, teacher, thinks of them. Ooooo, I'm getting aggrevated just thinking about it!

So tomorrow is pajama day, and I actually went out and bought some cute pj's for her to wear. We're kind of in between seasons here, and the ones she's been wearing are flannel, not really good for wearing to school when it's 70 out. She needed new ones anyway, so I didn't mind. Anyway, I bought some cute Carter's pj's, they come with a spaghetti strapped cami top and capri bottoms and shorts. So Nik comes home and tells me they can't wear spaghetti straps tomorrow. I have no written evidence of this, it only says on the form to wear sensible pj's, which they ARE. But I think, ok, I see where they're coming from, I guess. So while I'm at wally world today I buy a white tank top to go under it. I wanted a t-shirt, but they didn't have it in her size. So the tank-tops cute with the cami, very in style, actually, and she'll be a little more covered. (She was ALREADY covered, BTW, it was CARTER'S, for pete's sake!) So Nik comes home today and says she doesn't think they can wear tank tops either. GRRRRRRRRR. BS!! If they can wear tank tops and spaghetti straps any other day of the week, they can wear them tomorrow. I told her THATS WHAT SHE'S WEARING AND IF ANYONE GIVES HER CRAP ABOUT IT TELL THEM TO GIVE ME A CALL SO I CAN RIP THEM ANOTHER BUTT-HOLE!!!!! She, needless to say, thought this was hilarious, being 7 and having never heard this expression before, and was rolling on the floor laughing. I think she's hoping someone says something so she can see what someone looks like who's been ripped another one, LOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 7:23pm
LOL Erin I hope someone says something too,I would love to hear about that one!! LMBO

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 7:24pm

LOL at your last post...I won't go into my opinion since it will only be an echo of what everyone else wrote.


this reminds me of the time my nephew asked me to buy some candles from him for a fundraiser at school. He told me that if he sold so many of them he got to go to a party at the school...GRRRRRR In other words the kids that were to poor and did not have relatives that could buy from them did NOT get to go to the party. Even though I did not have a kid at this school I called and told them how horrible they were!


Traci

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Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 8:53am

I went to the bus stop with Nikki this morning, something I do almost every day. Our bus stop is up around a corner where I can't see. We live in a very young suburb and there are a lot of elementary school kids in the community. In my subdivision there's 3 bus stops with about 15 kids per stop. It's like that in most subdivisions - busses fill up in about 5 stops! It's a side effect of having outstanding schools. Anyway, a lot of the time I'm the only adult there, which bugs me. Some people even send their kindergarteners with no supervision. I think it's a good idea for there to be an adult present for safety purposes, so I've unofficially volunteered to be that person. In warmer weather the kids tend to get to the stop 10-15 minutes early, just enough time to get into trouble, if you kwim. I take the twins with me, which they love.

So today was pajama day. I let the twins go to the stop in their pj's, which they thought was too fun. Most of the kids were proudly wearing their pj's, except for a couple of boys who thought that would make them uncool. One girl, my daughter's best friend, even wore her robe instead of a jacket, LOL! She was wearing a tank top too, btw. It's also 'rainforest week' and today is 'welcome to the jungle day'. All the kids brought their favorite jungle stuffed animal. There were snakes, monkeys, parots and a myrad of other animals at the stop. Should be a fun day at school. Hopefully no one calls me...

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 6:51pm
Not at all. Seems like a bit muvh to me.
I hope they are able to tone it down not just for the parents but for the kids as well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 12:23am

Hi! I'm usually a lurker but I thought i'd chime in LOL!


I agree with all of the PP's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 12:27am
"Just Lurker"s with pretty babies and good advice need to come out of LURKDOM and post more often - I am just saying..............
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