Any advise?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Any advise?
12
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 1:06am

RANT RANT RANT

I just wanted to get this out so that I can sleep.
I know that most of you don't know me but I have been reading most of the posts for a few weeks now and I have an issues that I am working out.

I am married but my idiot ex left me while I was 3 months pregnant with my daughter, Hope. Ever since she was born he has been with her a handful of time and she is almost 2. He left me 2 weeks to the day after our 2 year anniversary in a ratty hotel on the wrong side of town. I tried for a while to keep him involved but gave up because he doesn't seem to care. He calls every once in a while but usually I think it is because someone has reminded him that he has a daughter.

Anyway, recently his grandmother called me and asked if she could take Hope for an afternoon to see Lisa, my former mother in law, who hasn't seen Hope in a while. I had no problems with this, even knowing my ex would be there. Maureen (grandmother) called me tonight to tell me that Lisa had some pictures of Hope to give me that were taken on that weekend. This was fine, even great. I knew that they had taken professional pictures because they wanted a four generation picture. Again, that was fine. What upset me was when Maureen told me that my idiot ex had a picture of him and Hope by themselves taken. This is what upset me. He thinks that he can play Daddy. He isn't there most of the time, doesn't call, doesn't give money to help support her . My fiance' Phil has been there since Hope was about 6 months old. He saw her walk, her first tooth, her first word was "Daddy" and she was looking at Phil. Phil has been supporting her, he is her Daddy. What does my ex think he is playing? I have made it very clear how I feel about him and he knows it but he thinks he can play daddy when I am not around. I don't want my daughter confused on who is Daddy. Don't get me wrong. I have no issues with his family and Maureen didn't know it would upset me. I dont blame them. Am I making something out of nothing? Phil says that he understand why I am upset but it isn't worth the effort. We know who is Hope's Daddy.

Any opinions?

Merri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:09am
I don't have any advise, just offering lots of HUGS!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:19am

(((HUGS)))

A lot of children have 2 dads, a biological and a more involved step, that's not necissarily the end of the world. Perhaps spending time with her and having that picture to look at will help inspire him to want to be there for her and be a better father, which isn't a bad thing. And although he isn't the best father at the moment she may be glad to have the pic when she's older. I'd try to let it go, but I can understand how that could be difficult.

((((hugs)))) again

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:25am

Merri, I have been on the other side of this so please keep that in mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 9:34am

First let me say that I am so sorry that you are going through this.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:24am

((HUGS)) I think idiot ex has to come to terms with what he did and is doing and will "get his" in the long run.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:48am

I have a lot to say about this issue, and I have a lot of expierence with it. However I do not wish to post about it here. Feel free to email me thru my profile if you ever want to talk.

Chrissy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 11:55am
Yes Ma'am! LOL Everyone seems to say the same thing
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:12pm
I completely agree that someone can have 2 fathers. I did. But what I was upset about was that my ex is barely invovled. If he was then I would feel differently.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:14pm

I appreciate that. I know that I cannot change that. I suppose that I still bitter over what he did to us when I was carrying her and that he continues to be a disappointment as a father.

Merri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:17pm
Thanks!

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