Anybody ever have a tubal reversal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Anybody ever have a tubal reversal?
8
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:40am
After the pregnancy with my twin sons (they'll be 4 in 2 weeks), my OB convinced me to get my tubes tied. I had used fertility treatments to get pregnant with both them and our first son, and it was, or course, pretty hard on me. Physically it took me about 2 years to recover from each one of the pregnancies/treatments. Soooo.....I know it was stupid of me, but the very last thought I had before they knocked me out for the tubal was "I don't want this, I'm going to regret it." I should have jumped off the table then, but here I am 4 years later and I was right---I seriously regret the decision. I guess the suggestion came at a bad time--I was recovering from a brutal c-section with a spinal that didn't go exactly well, and both the twins were just out of NICU (and their three year old brother was NOT dealing with the new additions well LOL), and emotionally I was so torn to pieces that I just didn't think it through. Now, I feel like all I can think about is that I want another baby. Now. My husband is scared that if we get the tubal reversed a)it would be even harder on me if we couldn't get pregnant again and I would just beat myself up over it or b)there's an increased risk of tubal pregnancy after reversal, so I could be in physical danger. I think he honestly would be ok with our three boys, too, but is just willing to do this for me because it's really important to me--which makes me wonder if we should even proceed unless he is more excited too. Anybody every deal with this??? Was the procedure horrible, and did it work? How did your family react (ours will be a little surprised to say the least)? I feel like such a goof for doing something soooo important without thinking about it more clearly, but I'm a little miffed at my doctor for not recognizing that I was in post partume and shouldn't have been making the decision then too....

Angela
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:10am
This is my opinion and take it as you will:

Why on earth would you want to take the chances that if you do become pregnant that something will happen to you or your baby? Doctors RARELY suggest a tubal. Generally, they don't like to do them because a woman may change her mind if she is of childbearing age. This was done because you are not physically able to go through another pregnancy well. 2 years to recover from a pregnancy is a long time. Plus, your last children were in NICU. Wow. How would you feel if you did become pregnant and something did happen?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:18pm
That's a tough desicion. I have never had one (I am only 29) My aunt had a reversal years ago. She had 5 girls, and MANY miscarriages in her life. She wanted a boy desperatly, and finally was pregnant with a boy. Unfortunatly, she lost him at 7.5 months. She was devestated when she woke up in recovery (she had to be put under) and was still groggy, and her husband suggested that they had dealt with enough, and she should be tied, she agreed, and had the operation done. Sure enough, she regretted the desicion, and actually didn't remember making it. A few years went by, and she had the reversal, it took a long time to conceive, and she did have a few more miscarriages, and eventually had 2 more girls. Now she has 7 girls, and it menopausal, so that's the end of her baby making. She is looking into adoption now!!! She's a nut!!! The family wasn't too suprised by her desicion, she loves kids and animals. Her house it like a zoo with 7 girls, and every animal you can imagine. Her drs advised against it because of her age. At the time when had the reversal, I think see was in her early - mid 30s. I don't remember, I was too young. Good luck to you.

Lesley

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:31pm
I have never dealt with your issue, although I know the longing for another child! I think if you are really serious about this, you need to seek an expert dealing with reversals. Someone needs to thoroughly reveiw your medical records and give you the up front facts. You also need to think of the others in your life-is your family ready for an emotional roller coaster? Because that's what it sounds like it would be with the appointments, procedures, $$ for treatments, etc. I don't force religion on people, but do you have a pastor or counselor you could talk to? They may help put things in perspective. Just my 2 cents, good luck with your decision!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 8:25am
Most doctors don't try to convince their patients to get their tubes tied, incase they decide to have another. Most in fact make the patient wait a while to make sure that is what she really wants. Did your OB give you a reason? Do you have a health problem that would harm your health if you got pregnant again? Most twins go to the ICU, so that is not uncommon.

I would seek the help of a specialist if this is what you decide to do. Talk to your husband and the specialist to decide what is right for you.

Good luck.

Tanya

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:44pm
The reason that my OB was in favor of a tubal was 1)we had went to the limit of Clomid that I could take conceiving the twins, and I'm not a good candidate for Repronex or Pergonal (next generation of fertility meds) due to the HIGH incidence of multiples in my family and 2)she knew from the beginning that the twins pregnancy began as triplets, which meant that with higher level meds, I would definitely be likely to multiple ovulate again. (Most people don't ovulate more than one ovum with clomid--only those with a propensity for multiple births to begin with...) The other reason was that at 5'1" tall, carrying two 6lb + twins was NOT easy on me. I went all the way to 35 weeks, but they were both breech and I am a VERY fast laborer, so my OB was afraid to let me go any farther once I started dilating on my own. Plus, there was a foot trying to "escape" still in the sac at my last check. I was, quite frankly, huge. I'm not a big person, and they were big babies, so we had a "crowding issue"... Them going to NICU was expected, with a planned section of twins at 35 weeks.

With me having polycystic ovary syndrome, the older I am, the much more difficult that it will likely be to get pregnant. The possibility that clomid won't be enough next time is very real. The chance that I will be carrying more than one baby is also very real. If we're lucky, it will be two. Or, we could end up with the triplets or more that I started with before--I'm not saying that to suggest that I wouldn't be thrilled with ANY babies I was carrying, but to acknowledge that Yes, there are some factors that are a little scary. All I know is that the desire to carry another baby, and to have another child is an ache that never leaves my heart. It has become like the the big white elephant in the room-- both me and my husband know it's there, but don't say anything about it because we're not really sure what to think or do. I love my sons, and honestly don't care if we had another boy or a girl. I wake up sometimes at night and can smell that new baby smell from my memory. It makes me cry.

My OB admits that the only dangers of me trying to become pregnant again are that 1)I could end up pregnant with more than one, which would make for a pregnancy just as hard as the last, or 2)I could go to the trouble and expense of trying after reversing the tubal, and still not be able to conceive. I know that the obvious solution is to consider adoption. I even have to acknowledge that the reason I haven't done that is rather selfish--I really do want to be pregnant again in my lifetime. As hard as it was to carry the twins, I loved every second of being pregnant. It was the most beautiful experience of my life, and the thought that I may never be able to feel that again just breaks my heart.

I guess that part of me knows that even if I do get a reversal, with the chance of not being able to get pregnant, I need to reconcile myself to that thought now. If I could reconcile it, though, the reversal would be a moot point... I just wish I knew how to do that.

:( Angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 9:13am
I don't mean to be a downer, but if you had so much trouble conceiving in the first place with all the medication then it would seem almost impossible that you would get pregnant naturaly. Therefore, you wouldn't have even needed the tubal to prevent pregnancy. Just my opinion.

Tanya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 10:22am
There is a saying that deciding to have a baby is selfish, but raising a baby is selfless.

You need to realize that you have a wonderful family already. You have 3 kids and a husband who need you. I feel it would be extremely selfish and shortsighted of you to go through all of this in the small chance that you would become a parent again. What would happen to the family that you already have if you were to become sick or incapacitated (even for a short time) because of your need to become pregnant again.

Having another child will NOT fill the hole you have in your heart. I would suggest that you find someone that you can talk to, either clergy or a professional. Then after you truly examine your feelings and the reasoning behind them, you can make a decision.

I do want to say that it strikes me that you want to be pregnant. If it was to enlarge your family, I would suggest adoption, but this seems like a need of yours which you know cannot (should not) be filled.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 2:53pm
I appreciate all of you being honest with me about this. I think that part of the problem is that I felt sort of jumped on about the decision to have the tubal to begin with. I was in the middle of a bout of post partum, and feeling very vunerable, and not in the best position to think about the decision very clearly. I love my OB to death--if it weren't for her we wouldn't have the children that we do. But...she is very very very much an advocate of smaller families. The concept of small family is sort or foreign to me--most of my aunts, cousins, etc. have had 4 kids and up--several have 6 or more. To her way of thinking, three kids was a HUGE family, so there was no reason for us to even THINK about having more, even if it would have been easier for us to do so. If I had come to the decision on my own, with more time to adjust to the thought, it may have been a little easier, I think. We were running out of time in the year, though, and we had totally met our out of pocket for our insurance, so if we did it then, it was covered 100% as opposed to waiting and having to pay a big chunk up front--it seemed to make sense at the time. I just really feel like my OB should have talked it through with me more--it was pretty unlikely that I was going to get pregnant unexpectedly anyway, so unless I consciously decided to try again, there wasn't a lot of risk to waiting--and if she would have had to put me back on the meds, so she could have raised any issued she had before that. My husband has said that one of his fears, which he talked to me about while I was recovering from the twins, was that if we tried again, it could become a "quest"--a lot of people who have fertility problems fall victim to that. It's almost as if by becoming pregnant, you're beating your traitorous body that has been working against you. All your energy and direction gets tied up in fighting the infertility, to the point that you lose sight of the reasons why you started trying to begin with. I was SO angry about the PCOS--I felt like I was defective, or broken! When we finally got pregnant, I couldn't stop crying I was so relieved. Even now that we're not trying to get pregnant, I'm still having to deal with the effects of it--and will for the rest of my life, so I'm sure on some level that's affecting my thoughts on pregnancy. I know that it's also partly timing that is talking--the twins turn 4 in 10 days, and I'm realizing that they're all SO big!

I love my three boys more than anything--and they're a beautiful family. With a family that has made having babies a professional activity, I'm just getting used to the idea that three sons can be complete, and that I'm not cheating myself and my husband and them by not having more children. I'm trying to focus now on the things that are good about NOT having a half a dozen children running around... We definitely have more one on one time with them than a lot of kids in our extended family will ever get from their parents, not for lack of love or effort, but just lack of hours in the day. And financially, the advantages are obvious.

I guess the biggest factor is the risk, though. I'm probably the most protective mom I know--my kids have more padding and head gear than the average sky diver. My husband has to pry my fingers off of them sometimes so they can go out of my eyesight... I don't know who would protect them like that if I were gone. My husband is wonderful, and loves them more than the sun and the moon---but he's a daddy, and thinks that little boys and rope swings are a great combination... If I were not in their lives, who would they whisper to every night before they go to sleep?

Well, anyway, thanks for being there for me to use as a sounding board. Talking through it in my head only goes so far--having someone say the things that I was thinking anyway out loud helps more than I can say.

Angela