anyone with an 'average' kid (rant!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
anyone with an 'average' kid (rant!)
21
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 9:11pm
do you ever get the feeling (either online or irl) that you are the only one with an 'average' kid? you know, one of those boring children who DIDN'T know all of their abc's by 2 1/2 or read novels in kindergarten or paint masterpeices in preschool or run for senate in 1st grade? do you ever feel like your child is the only one who does those annoying age appropriate things like pick their nose or eat soap just to see what it tastes like or wiggle when you're trying to magically turn them into a genius? do you ever feel like running out and dropping their college fund on some ever-so-exclusive private kindergarten just so you can brag that "my child is a future einstien too!?"

excuse me for a moment while i blow my top, lol.

but seriously, i have an 'average' kid. she's not reading on an 8th grade level, she's not doing college algebra, she's not currently working on the human genome project, and the only sign of genius i spotted this week was she used the word 'obsessed' in a gramatically correct sentence, ie, "daddy, you are OBSESSED with chickens!" lol. and i love her average little self to death, but sometimes i get worried when it seems like everyone elses kid is doing something exceptional while mine is just busy being normal. i know it's stupid and unfair to compare one kid to another, but it seems to play on all my mommy insecurities somehow.

so does anyone else have average kids? or is it just me? lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 9:36pm
Yup-well O.K. sometimes on behavior she's below average LOL. My DD is in kindergarten and knows her letter, can write them but certainly doesn't read yet. I actually kind of stopped posting on the playgroup board as DD was growing up because it always seemed like everyone else's kid was crawling early, walking at like 8 months, talking in complete sentences early, etc.

I look at my little bundle of energy who is just as likely to pick her brother's board books for bedtime reading as her own and think Wow-we have a friend who was reading her son Harry Potter when he was 4. There is no way she would sit/lie still long enough for a chapter of that (not to mention the nightmares brought on by her imagination).

A funny pet peeve of mine is that my DD has always been average on the growth charts-little miss 50/50. So, why is it that most clothes don't fit her huh? I can understand now because she's actually slipping down into the short zone (at 5 ft. 1 1/4 inches-I'm there permanently LOL) but it's always been that way.

Taleyna

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 10:21pm
LOL!

<>

Did you know that Old Spice Solid Deodorant is non-toxic?

Ask me how I know.

I know because I had to call poison control last August when my ds (27 mo now) toddled up to me with an open stick that looked as though it had been gnawed. We had just returned from a trip and we were in the process of unpacking. Needless to say, we take child-proofing pretty seriously with this one. My husband and my dd's godfather were like, Oh he'll probably be FIIIIIne, D. We'll just keep an eye on him. And even though I know they're probably right, I also know 'probably' isn't good enough. So I made the humiliating, scary call to the 1-800# (thank God for them).

This is the same kid who squirted himself in eyes with Windex while I was carving pumpkins at the kitchen table two weeks ago. I had the Windex out for the mess and to remove the marker lines after cutting. DS climbed up to the table and I didn't think anything of it because he was six inches away from me. I was carving away and the next thing I know, I hear SSSSSSSSSSSquirrrt. "AHHH!" and DS is clutching his face. We rinsed his eyes immediately and he was fine. I don't think he actually got hit with very much. But there's never a dull moment and I have the grey hair to prove it. My mother was there saying, "Call poison control! It's his EEEEYEEES!!" And all I can think is, They're going to send a social worker. Hi Mrs. D, may we come inside?

Anyway, I think this reflects more on his level of curiosity. If you think it means he's average or below ... just humor me and don't say anything! LOL.

I know what you mean about all the other geniuses. All of my DD's preschool classmates are exceptionally intelligent ... their moms tell me so all the time. My dh's nephew has an 'enegineer's mind' (he was like, two or three when his mother told me so). On our last playdate, the mom told me in all seriousness that her 3.5 yo is "very academically oriented." DD's favorite playmate from 3 yo preschool last year had a list of accomplishments as long as her former-teacher mom's arm.

I think it reflects more on the parent's insecurities than on the kid's abilities at these tender ages. And I remind myself that it just means the parents really love their kids. I have my own moments of projecting greatness on mine from time to time. But mostly I refuse to get all panicky and push my kids ahead of their peers by making them memorize stuff they don't understand ... or whatever else these parents are into. I want them to LIKE school, if that's possible. And I know if I'm all uptight about it, we're sunk before we even get out of the gate. Who knows? I guess some of these kids *are* brilliant. Cool. It's just as important to me that mine be well-rounded and confident. So I just try to have some faith that they will turn out well in the long run. Slow and steady wins the race. ... Of course, you should ask me again next year when dd starts kindergarten and all the fun really begins for me!! Who knows what I'm in for? LOL!

There's a quote from Jung that says that nothing has more impact on the life of a child than the un-lived life of the parent. I think of that when I hear about these brillant kids sometimes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 11:34pm

I am sometimes guilty of using my older sons accomplishments to prove that there is nothing "wrong" with my younger.


I hate it that my mothers compare's the both of them. So what if Matt knew all his state capitols at three..So

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 9:04am
I don't think it's fair to compare kids. Each child is special and unique. Parents are very proud of what their child can do. My DD does amazing things sometimes that I had no idea she could do and I tell people about it. It's not bragging, it's not comparing, it's just being a proud parent. I think my daughter is brilliant...as all kids are. The comment from the other poster about those parents being "unlived" is completely false and offensive. No matter what his developmental level is, he's a kid, he's exploring is world and learning about it. And think of the funny stories you'll have when he gets older!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 9:14am
I am happy to have a average kid.
I am glad he not smarter then a 50 year old and that he can have fun and play, and not worry about things that little kids shouldnt worry about in the first place.
I feel sorry for those kids who are 10 and in college, what kind of life is that? No fun.
I would not worry that your kid is normal, and at her age level. Be happy :)


Lilypie Baby Days



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 12:23pm
I think you misunderstood me. I did not mean to offend anyone. The quote about parents living through their children was not directed at *you* personally. It wasn't really *directed* at anyone. I said that when I meet parents who project all kinds of outsized qualities on their children because of insecurities from their own childhood (parents who seem competitive -- not ones who are just genuinely excited to share info about their child like yourself), I think of that remark. I *don't* judge these parents (judging other parents is bad juju), though they may annoy me for the bad feelings they sometimes inspire. I think Jung meant his remark as a cautionary thought for ALL parents ... that we should examine our unconscious desires and needs and beware how these things can affect our children through our words and actions and cause unintended consequences. I think of the all the ways that my own parents' upbringing influenced the way that they raised me -- for better and for worse. I find it useful personally to consider the idea and I just wanted to share. Take it or leave it. It may have offended you (and I do apologize), but it is not "false."

I thought the thread was about insecurites ... our own ... other peoples'. And I think that that quote speaks very well to insecurities and parenting.

Clarity started this thread by talking about about the impression that we all get reading these boards and IRL that everyone else's kids are geniuses ... and I was just trying to say (clumsily) that I think *part* of that impression comes from *some* people who are frantic for their children to be exceptional and are constantly, nervously broadcasting the evidence. Again, I do not judge these parents; I totally relate. I said in my post that these people obviously love their children (madly) and that some of the kids probably *are* genuinely brilliant. I responed honestly -- and very much off the top of my head -- and that I try not to react when people talk this way by comparing my kids' milestones to theirs and getting myself all bent about it. I try to be confident that my kids are just the way they are meant to be. And that's it's too early for me to be overemphasizing academics and the limited few other kinds of intelligence (and there are many) and personal qualities that people in general tend to respect and value.

<> I'm 100% sure when you do these things you are not 'bragging'. I was not putting anyone down for being proud of their child(ren). I *am* proud of my children (I'm not the least bit ambivalent about the goofy things they sometimes do) and I'm *not* worried about whether they are "average" or "exceptional" or any other external label ... though I am completely aware that there *are* parents who size my kids up and measure their own against mine reflexively, constantly. We all know people who engage in "competitive" parenting. And there *is* an element of competition in *some* (SOME) folks who broadcast their children's accomplishments. But I think that ideally, parenting should be more about accepting our kids without condition rather than making sure they are always "on top." That's all that I was trying to get at.

<> THAT WAS MY POINT EXACTLY. OF COURSE. I started the post with LOL! (Tone gets lost in emails and on boards sometimes) I was inspired by Clarity's post to share a few funny anecdotes (without trying to spin it into 'evidence' of his superior dexeterity or intelligence or apologize for it) because I thought other moms would get it and have a laugh with me. Not because I thought it was evidence of my son being lacking in any way. Kids scare the hell out of you one minute and later that becomes a great story -- because it ended well, thank God. I thought it would be a relief to talk about the things my kids do that *won't* be on their college aps or resumes one day -- I think parenting is difficult but it's a blast if you keep your humor! It tickles my black sense of humor every day. And so did Clarity's post.

Mommybeetx -- I laughed like you-know-what when I read the part of you post about feeding the lizard the dead fly!! He's a scientist!! TOOO funny. LOL.




Edited 11/10/2004 1:52 pm ET ET by donachiara

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 1:04am
Well I took a good long look at my kids and had to decide what was average. My oldest, although 13, cannot remember to brush his teeth and has a hard time with multi task events, but reads any and every book he can. My 10 year old is struggling in school, but can play four insruments. My 7 yr old, gets perfect scores in school, but cannot remember how to settle his little butt down at appropriate times, like the dinner table. And my 3yr old spends almost 2 hours a day washing his hands and cleaning things, but will sit and poop in his pants.

It's all a matter of prespective. My children are all considered normal but they are all special to me. Mainly because no one knows thems as well as me. Don't worry or fret, we all have normal children, some of us just want are kids to be above normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 12:21pm
LMAO at this post I too have had to make that humiliating call to poison control because of Old Spice deodorant that my 2yr. old decided to taste. I've also had to call them because he decided to taste test some hair gel. I really thought that Scott was the only one who did things like that, i'm glad he's not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 1:42pm
I have encountered this problem also on the play group I belong to here. I used to feel bad because other babies seemed to be doing more than mine. But then I realized that every baby is different. Just because one walks at 7 months does not mean he/she is a genious or is better than another baby. I know that my daughter will walk/talk/whatever when she is ready to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 2:03pm
'sensory genius,' ROFLMAO!! i love you girl, you always crack me up :D

i'm just as bad as you, i keep trying to use the older childs 'normalcy' to prove that there IS something wrong with ds and what's more, that it's not my fault, lol. as in, "no dr, it is NOT my parenting, i raised one perfectly normal well behaved child who's NOT destroying my house, pets, herself or her sibling, it's just HIM!!" lol.

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