anyone with an 'average' kid (rant!)

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Registered: 10-12-2003
anyone with an 'average' kid (rant!)
21
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 9:11pm
do you ever get the feeling (either online or irl) that you are the only one with an 'average' kid? you know, one of those boring children who DIDN'T know all of their abc's by 2 1/2 or read novels in kindergarten or paint masterpeices in preschool or run for senate in 1st grade? do you ever feel like your child is the only one who does those annoying age appropriate things like pick their nose or eat soap just to see what it tastes like or wiggle when you're trying to magically turn them into a genius? do you ever feel like running out and dropping their college fund on some ever-so-exclusive private kindergarten just so you can brag that "my child is a future einstien too!?"

excuse me for a moment while i blow my top, lol.

but seriously, i have an 'average' kid. she's not reading on an 8th grade level, she's not doing college algebra, she's not currently working on the human genome project, and the only sign of genius i spotted this week was she used the word 'obsessed' in a gramatically correct sentence, ie, "daddy, you are OBSESSED with chickens!" lol. and i love her average little self to death, but sometimes i get worried when it seems like everyone elses kid is doing something exceptional while mine is just busy being normal. i know it's stupid and unfair to compare one kid to another, but it seems to play on all my mommy insecurities somehow.

so does anyone else have average kids? or is it just me? lol

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Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 2:06pm
well of course it's not fair, but i think most of us have been guilty of it at one time or another :) i wasn't saying that it's not great to be excited about your child's accomplishments, i was just wondering if anyone else ever struggled with feeling like they were the only one with an average child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 2:16pm
well thank god SOMEONE got what i was trying to say, lol.

roflol about the calls to poison control, btdt!! mine was when i found ds hiding in his bedroom hunched over behind the bed. i went to turn him around and he gave this huge possessed "HISSSS" as his mouth poured foam around one of those blue toilet cakes!! he fought like a madman as i tried to pry that thing away from him and call 911, lol. sensory genius my aching a....roflol.

>>>>So I just try to have some faith that they will turn out well in the long run. Slow and steady wins the race. ...

i'll try to have faith with ya :)


Of course, you should ask me again next year when dd starts kindergarten and all the fun really begins for me!! Who knows what I'm in for? LOL!

yessssss just wait till kindergarten, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 4:26pm
Hey! YOU too?!! Wow.

When it happened, I made my husband read the label because I thought I would collapse if I saw some awful "In case of ingestion, run for the ER and kiss your insides goodbye" warning on it. All it says, as I'm sure you know, is Keep out of reach of children. Duh.

DS just walked up to me and handed the opened, gnawed stick to me as if to complain, "This candy s----!" Boy was he surprised at my reaction. I think he expected me to say, "Aw, honey, you don't like that blue candy? Here, let me make you some ice cream ...." The shock on his face when I flipped ... priceless in retrospect. I ran upstairs, located the scene of the crime by location of the discarded cap ... frantically examined the teeth marks in the stick to see if perhaps he had just merely bashed it into the dresser ... examined the dresser, no residue ... combed the carpet hoping to find the (small) missing chunks -- nothing. Cleanest spot of carpet in the whole house. Then dd's Godfather said he smelled it on DS's breath. I almost fainted. DH confirmed that he thought he saw some on his teeth. And then I proceeded to that hellish place called, The Men Think I'm Over-Reacting, And I Think I'm Over-Reacting, But My Momma Conscience Says That I Need To Call The Doctor (And Piss Him Off On A Sunday Afternoon). What's that Poison Control? You need my address? It was all I could do not unleash a defensive scream WHY?! Why do you want to know where I live? I'M A GOOD MOM!! MY HOME IS SAFE!! HE'S NEVER UNSUPERVISED!! I SWEAR!!

I think it's that electric blue color. It's too candy-looking. Other moms take note: all those cool-looking personal care products (not to mention cleaning solutions) are really attractive to some kids. You think, "Hide the Comet. Lock up the bleach." And then you set your bath gel on the counter and forget about it. Cabinet locks and high places ... save yourself the grey hairs. I thank God that it was only diluted Windex that he (barely) sprayed himself with. Think of all of the other nasty cleaning things in spray bottles. ((((SHUDDERING))))

When the Old Spice thing happened, before I talked to poison control, I was really concerned at first because I thought of another mom who went to a house party for a line of "Green" cleaning products (that cost a fortune but are supposedly non-toxic). And she told me that they freaked her out with stories of kids poisoning themselves fatally with dish soap. (?) Maybe they were just trying to sell her an $180 case of non-Toxic laundry detergent. But ever since then I've looked twice at all the products that I would have otherwise thought were pretty inert.

Here's to hoping we don't have anymore poison control stories to share!!

Cheers!


Edited 11/11/2004 5:30 pm ET ET by donachiara

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Registered: 07-07-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 6:09pm
<>

OMG Clarity! THE HORROR. I can imagine the 40-story drop your stomach must have done when you saw that!! You have no clue what UNHINGED feels like until something like this happens to your child. It's like a horrible Road Runner cartoon where you open your front door to get the morning paper and suddenly you're hurtling out of an airplane through the upper atmosphere in your bathrobe with no parachute. I LMAO when I read this ... but only because I presume your son is fine. You win the prize for fiercest momma-battle-scar. I'd take you to Iraq with me.

<

yessssss just wait till kindergarten, lol.>>

You just *know* I'll be ranting on here to you all next fall. :)

How is Alleria doing lately?

You know, not to *brag* or anything ... but along the lines this discussion ... DS *is* showing signs of significant talent in one area in particular lately ... cursing. He is using all sorts of words in proper context that demonstrate his total mastery of the concept as well as the vocabulary and pronunciation. DD was good about not repeating those things and so I have to admit that we didn't reform ourselves as completely as we should have. DS was a somewhat late talker after chronic fluid in his middle ears and conversation with him lately is a delightful novelty right now. But this was a big surprise. My dad confessed to slipping up with "Geezus!" a couple weeks ago and that DS promptly repeated the word. Later that night, while relaxing with DS, I asked him if he could say "Jesus" and he did. And then he said, "CHRIST!" I was so shocked that I laughed. Big mistake. DS was really proud of himself and he repeated the word a few times. Then a few days later I was in the car with DS and my mom going to pick up dd from preschool. We were caught in the usual traffic and there was a terrible driver in front of me. At one point I blurted, "S---!" (Rhymes with spit) DS repeated the word gleefully. And after a pause, he added, "C---!" (Rhymes with map). Wow. Then this morning he was toddling around me in the bathroom with the early morning sparks of toddler energy flying off of him. (He loves animals and dinosaurs and bugs) "Tiger says, GGRRRRRR! Snake goes SSSssssSSSSSS! SHARK!! (Exaggerated fear gesture with both hands) ... Dammit!"

Average? I dunno. But he sure keeps us on our toes, one way or another. :)


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Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 7:16pm
omg, i'm laughing so hard dh is giving me that "you insane internet junkie" look!! yes, ds lived through it with no lasting effects, unless you can count his personality (that of napoleon and attila the hun mixed in with a little hitler) as side effect, lol. it WAS one of those "omg, cps is on it's way and the dirty dishes are overflowing onto the counter!!" moments. i belive i used quite a bit of your precocious ds's vocabulary on that call, roflol.

i can totally relate to having one nice compliant kid who hears "that's a grownup word" and never repeats it again and THEN having a normal child; that leaves you completely defenseless for the 2nd little terror who hears 'grown up word' as "a really fun exciting taboo word that i should use in as many embarrassing situations as possible!!" alleria was one of group a, and i have no doubt whatsoever that trist is going to be of the group b variety. alleria knows all those wonderfully expressive little words, but she's rarely inclined to use them unless she's completely at the end of her rope. i do remember one rather enlightening conversation we had when she was about 3 when we had taken advantage of her patience for waayyy too long on a marathon shopping trip. we had promised her macdonalds at every stop for probably 3 hours and as we were finally going the car broke down. we were trying to console her and promised macdonalds for the 50th time when she replied "that's f-ing b---sh-- mom and you know it, just take me home d--- it!!" that and repeating daddy's assertion that grandma was FOS were the highlights of the 3yo stage, roflol.

the toilet bowl cleaner is actually not my best (or worst, however you want to see it!) mommy war story, lol, my best is first time tristan held his breath till he passed out. he was about a year old and throwing a fit about one dumb thing or another, and i was holding him so he wouldn't bash his head. well the little snot bit the crap out of my arm and i DROPPED him!! not far thank god, but i dropped him right on his butt on the hard kitchen floor. it was totally unintentional, just a knee jerk reaction, but as soon as he hit the floor he started screaming even harder and almost immediately passed out!! so here i am rushing my one year old into the dr going "i swear i didn't MEAN to drop him, it was an accident!! does he have brain damage!?!?!" i felt like complete crap as they ran all these tests to see if he had a concussion while i vainly asserted that no, he doesn't have shaken baby syndrome, no, i didn't THROW him down, and no, i'm really not a baby killer! they finally ascertained that he's just a little monster and he made himself pass out, but the humor in that one was a long time coming. i'm still not sure if i've gotten my eligibility for 'mother of the year' back :P

as for alleria, school continued to be one disaster after another until i finally followed my heart and pulled her out. we're homeschooling now and having a complete ball, she loves it and so do i. my only problem with it is that i'm suddenly very insecure, as evidenced by this thread. it seems like all the homeschooled kids are light years ahead of where the public schooled kids are/were, which means that they're quite a few years ahead of where alleria (who by ps standards is actually considered somewhat 'gifted') is, and since i'm the only one teaching her that scares me. i've never been a competitive parent before, but now i feel like i have the entire weight of her education on my shoulders and i think i may be developing a bit of an inferiority complex, lol. i guess now i feel like if alleria is 'average' then that's a reflection of my crappy teaching ability or something. she's reading ok, but only at a late k, early 1st grade level, and doing basic math just fine, but she doesn't know all the state capitals (vbg at mombeetx here) or understand geometry or anything, and it seems like everyone elses kid is doing something phenomenal like that and i keep fighting this nagging feeling that i suck, lol.

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Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 8:53pm

Forgive me...I am nosy and read the rest of this thread and realized that you had asked me for links. Made me feel even guiltier after being nosy and reading your last one. First I wanted to tell you remember most homeschoolers are only ahead because they get a one on one teacher and most homeschool year round. I know the first year of homeschooling can be a terrifying experience! Something that helped me is finding an assessment to make sure Matt was "on track". This first link is to a teacher I love( God bless Mrs Perkins!..lol)

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

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Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 6:23pm
<>

LOL! Sometimes you don't appreciate just how easy you have it. Kids are never apples to apples. Apples to coconuts ...

<> DD is the same. Lately she might sneak one in context of telling me when her brother has used one ...

<> Priceless story. I really enjoyed that one. I'm waiting for mine to bust me in front of the in-laws. .... I dunno Clarity, something tells me you don't have to worry about Alleria being average ... just a hunch.

Your other <> story was priceless too. !!! DH should have sent you to a mountain spa retreat to calm yourself after that one. <> Don't doubt it. I always tease my mother that I'm getting my pay back for whatever I did to her ... she seems to get a kick at the thought. I keep waiting for her to say, oh you weren't that bad, but she just smiles and doesn't say anything. Hmmm.

<> Ah, now I remember that you were asking about that. Your stories about that teacher were insane. I feel sorry for the kids who are *still in* her class.

My neighbor (a former teacher before she stayed home) homeschools her kids and they're terrific. It seems like homeschooling has become very popular among SAHMs. Didn't know what to make of it at first, but after seeing it in (good) practice, I think it's great.

<> Now I see where you were coming from. I kind of took it a little differently at first. I do that a lot ... put my own spin on these threads. Mirror, Mirror ...

<> All moms who homeschool must feel that. When mommybeetx/Traci mentioned that the first year of homeschooling is hard, I thought of friends and family who are teachers and how they have all told me how that first year of teaching in a school is *really* challenging ... so I don't doubt that there is a big learning curve and a lot to adjust to in homeschooling. My neighbor seems to have a good support system of other homeschool moms in place. I think they Co-op with eachother for certain things. That's gotta help. But I imagine it takes a while to find/form a good group. And just like any other group of moms ... it's probably a diverse bunch and you have to find your "tribe." You know, the ones you relate to ... The ones who don't think you (not talking about *you* personally -- thinking more of myself) have four heads.

<> Gosh, *I* got a little nervous reading that. DD is 4.5 and ... she's never been measured academically. She has been doing preschool programs in a neighboring district since she was 2ish (first in a brief class with me, then a brief class by herself, then 3 yo preschool two days/wk last year. And now 4 yo preschool since she missed the cutoff for K ... 3 days/wk). My big worry is that I have been too unconcerned about "academics," even though that was a deliberate attitude on my part. My main goal has been for dd to have a happy early experience in the classroom ... because that's where she will be for the next 21 years (at least). And I didn't want her to start off thinking of learning as a chore. But what do I know? I could really regret not being more specifically proactive. DD can count and do the ABC's ... the days of the week ... they are starting to introduce writing at school. We do preschool workbook stuff at home for fun -- but I don't push it. We do it as a way of spending time together because she likes it. I guess I'd better pick the teacher's brain at conference time in the spring for more specific feedback and suggestions. Last year, the teacher -- who was well educated and experienced and has four kids of her own -- was very adament that the 3 yo class was NOT academic. Play WAS their work at that stage, she said. So far, the only thing all the teachers have told me is how sweet-tempered dd is. Which doesn't automatically mean she will have success when they start grading her and expecting more next year. It will be interesting to see what this teacher says when I pick her brain because you never know what you are opening youself up for when you ask for input. This woman seems like she has a bit of an edge, but I can't tell if it's good edge -- or just edge! -- yet. Could go either way. (Advice and suggestions welcome!)

Best of luck to you! Rant here anytime. Have a great weekend everyone.

Cheers.

D.

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Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 7:44pm
see now, i've passed the bug on to you!! lol. see how easy it is to start feeling like maybe you're not teaching them whatever they're supposed to know? d, alleria was doing EXACTLY what your dd is doing at that age, and loving every minute of it. she had the world's best preschool where they put much more emphasis on social and play skills than 'book learning', and it was one of the best experiences in her little life. she loved the class, loved the teachers, and loved learning. she went into k knowing everything she needed to know and what's more, she was excited and prepared for it. i don't regret not putting her in one of those prep school pre-k's in the least, i think you're doing exactly the right thing :)

alleria picked up reading over the summer because i was home and we had nothing better to do, lol, but when i say 'reading' you should realize that i mean she can read 3 and 4 letter words with great effort and concentration, not that she's reading war and peace or anything! it's not easy for her and she is not fluent by any stretch of the imagination, she's merely learning. she does a little better every day but she's still nowhere near picking up a novel and zipping through it, lol. plus, if she reads the same book more than twice she tends to memorize it, and i get all excited thinking she finally 'got it' and then she'll skip a page or something and i'll realize she's just reciting it, lol. she can do addition and subtraction of anything under 20, but she can't count past 39 without going "30-10?" roflol...i think a LOT of that is age. you can teach a 6 year old a concept in 5 minutes that would take 5 HOURS to teach to a 5 yo, so i'm trying to take a chill pill and realize that it all comes in time. somhow i don't see her in 4th grade going "30-10?" :D

o god, about the teacher from heck! the final straw for me (and there were many many straws, more even than i shared here!) was when i went in to volunteer one day and this little boy was in time out for the entire time i was in there, about 45 minutes or so. he sat with his desk facing the wall and absolutely no one spoke to him for almost an hour while the rest of the class had a party and made a craft. no one gave him any of the snacks, no one allowed him to do the craft, he just sat there staring at the wall. i asked the teacher why he couldn't do anything and her reply was "he'll just ruin it." well i took alleria home with me that day and never sent her back. when i told the principal the next day his response was "well, that boy has some behavioral problems and the teacher is doing the best she can." sorry buddy, she's gonna have to do better than that before i want my kid in her class. i have a son who's most likely going to have some 'behavioral issues' in k, and if a teacher EVER did that to my kid we'd have some SERIOUS problems. i feel very sorry for the kids still in her class as well, i wish there was more i could do but i've already complained to the principal and the superintendent and it was made very clear to me that no one cared or was willing to do anything about it. when alleria goes back to school next year she will not be going back to that school or that district.

i really do need to get on with the finding other homeschoolers thing, but i'm not really sure how to go about it. i tend to be a bit of a recluse (except online where i know EVERYONE!) so it's gonna be a struggle, but it has to be done. if i still haven't done it in a week or two bug me will you? :)

as for alleria and your ds's talent for the correct conjugation and syntax of swear words, yes, perhaps it's a sign of genius but i don't know how well it would go over on the advanced preschoolers board, lol. what good is genius if you can't brag about it with a straight face?

have a great weekend yourself!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 11:38pm
Really, I wish I understood where you're coming from. I would love an average kid. Odd has a variety of special needs and ydd has speech delays and is so hyper, I swear she has special needs too. Every year we get free circus tickets, referals for free christmas gifts, "special" this, "special" that, extra donuts or candy from the convenience store, free stuff from the thrift store, it goes on and on and on. In fact, ydd is pretty much guranteed a spot in Head Start next year, and we can't even apply until March when she turns 3. Just once, I'd like to hear "I'm sorry, you don't qualify, your kids are too average".

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Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 7:43am
hey girl, thanks for bringing me back to earth. on second thought, average is freaking awsome. i would give every cent to my name to hear that ds is average, so you're totally right. hugs to you and yours, oh, and headstart is WONDERFUL and i bet it will help alot.