anyone have kids 3 years apart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
anyone have kids 3 years apart?
7
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 4:33pm
Hi!

I visited the OBGYN today and he said I was ovulating, and I would have a great chance of getting pregnant tonight! I have been thinking about another baby for a few months now, and can't come to a decision. I'm nervous and excited, but my husband and I know for usre we want at least one more child, if not 2 more.

I think we're going to try tonight just once and see what happens.

If I got pregnant this month, the baby would be born just a month before my son is 3. I've heard that 3 years apart is perfect, any opinions or feelings? thanks!

katie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 6:47pm
I think it depends mostly on you and your circumstances. I know people that have been happy with all kinds of age gaps and it's a totally personal thing.

That said, *for me* three years is a GREAT gap. My dd was five months shy of her 3rd birthday when ds came along and she gets along well with ds. REALLY well. People always remark on it. I think the temperments involved have a lot to do with that ... but I think it also helps that they are almost three years apart. If I have another child, he/she will be at least three years younger than ds.

I considered a few things when deciding ... I started later -- first pregnancy at 32. So if I wanted two or three kids I didn't have the luxury of a big gaps. DD was colicky and the first year was pretty harsh from delivery (c-scetion) to breastfeeding (I am fair skinned and the trouble I had with start up they don't teach you about in classes. My OB said she'd never seen anything like it -- black blisters after 24hrs. And neither of the two lactation people at the hospital could help me. Finally my OB's nurse, who had had similar problems, was able to rescue us) to surviving on no sleep with a colicky and then catnapping (until she was about a year old) baby and a husband who travelled a lot for work and no family or support alone in a new town. I needed time to recover after that! It took me a long time (about a year) to get pregnant the first time. So I thought it would take a while with number 2. I was shooting for that 3 year gap and we were shocked to find I was pregnant after the 2nd month of ttc! (I highly recommend charting) And finally, I also consider the advice of my favorite early child expert. He swears up an down that three years is *the* minimum gap you should have between kids. Of course, I'm no expert-groupie and I know lots of people that have closely spaced kids and did it deliberately and love it (though it does get hairy sometimes) so I'm not preaching this to anyone. And if I had wanted to space them sooner, this info wouldn't have stopped me. I'm just saying that for me, what I read seemed convincing and I factored it into my plans. And his persective seems to have been true for us -- based on my VERY LIMITED experience. You take the things you hear from other parents with big grains of salt because every family is so different amd what's true for me may or may nt come true for you. I learn that over and over in parenting.

Good luck to you. Having another is a blast. #2 was a lot easier for us, in almost every way.

PS In case you are interested the expert I mentioned is Burton White and the book that I like is called "How To Raise A Happy, Unspoiled Child." I have recommended him on these boards a few times before. Take him or leave him.

Cheers.


Edited 11/11/2004 6:57 pm ET ET by donachiara

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 7:00pm
My first 2 children are 3years and 3 weeks apart. It worked out prefectly for me! My daughter wasn't in diapers anymore, could feed herself, and even help out a little bit! From the beginning they got along great, and love eachother very much. My oldest teaches her little brother how to do things, plays with him, gives him lots of hugs and kisses, etc. I am pg with #3, and s/he will be 2 years 5 months younger. If I were in your shoes I would do it! Good luck! -chrissy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 7:22pm
mine are 3 and 1/2 years apart, and i really do think that is a great distance to have between them. it was awsome because at 3 my older child was out of diapers, sleeping through the night, eating and dressing on her own, and could be trusted not to hurt the little one and yet they were still close enough to play together. now they are 5 and 2, and my dd is my right hand girl. she's such a huge help to me, you can't even imagine. she's old enough to understand what i need her to do with her brother and to actually do it, and since ds has some neurological issues that is almost esential to my sanity :)

good luck, and stick around to let us know what you decide!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 7:50pm
My children are 3 1/2 years apart as well. It was perfect for us. My little one had horrible colic and I was breastfeeding. My older ds was a very mature 3 and helped out a lot! He was great at getting pampers from the bedroom and would happily watch a video when I was exhuasted. He is the kind of child who police's himself so it worked out wonderfully!








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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 9:07pm
Hi!

Whoa, thanks to everyone with all the responses! It helps SOO much to hear other people's opinions. :) I haven't decided for sure yet, I'll let ya know when I do!

Katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 10:44am
Hi,

Yes my kids are 3 years apart. I think it is a wonderful spacing. I hope that our next spacing can be 3 (maybe 4) years again...it's just really nice to have enjoyed so much of the younger years without being totally overwhelmed the two children with so many needs (under age 3 I mean). I think 3 years is perfect.

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-1999
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 8:44pm
Hi, I have 4 dd's ages 15, 13, 10, and 5 as you can see I have them 3yrs apart and almost 5yrs apart. and as close as 2 1/2yr apart. to be honest I don't see a difference in them with the exception that my youngest the 5yr old seems much more like an only child than the other girls because she spent more time alone with me than the other girls did. Good Luck..

Rita

Rita