Avoiding isolation as a stay at home mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Avoiding isolation as a stay at home mom
10
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 12:26am

I was wondering if anyone had some good advice or could share their experience of how to make close friendships after moving to an area without family or friends?

I go to a toddler group once a week and my husband and I invite other parents over for dinner or out to meet us for lunch but we haven't hit it off with anyone to the point where we could become close friends with other families. I am wondering if we are social inept or something. We feel like it's awkward sometimes in conversation especially when everyone gets silent.

Also, when we have company over or eat out with another family, it's hard to actually converse with the other adults because my two year old acts out for attention either from me or the other kids present by throwing things, pinching, hitting or getting into things he's not suppose to get into.

So how does a transplanted family make close friends with other families? What do we do about the awkward silence during conversation? And how am I to have company over when my two year old demands my attention the whole time and I can't visit with my guest?

Thanks,
Clover

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 3:52pm

I would suggest first finding someone that you are compatible with as friends. Trying to get a family together with your family is kind of hard because you have to make sure that the you and the other wife get along, that your husbands get along and that your kids get along. But if you find someone just for you and then add the rest later it will make it easier. That way you can see if that person is even someone you would want to be close friends with. You might not like the way they parent, the way they think, you might have a lot of differences in opinions that could clash in a friendship.


If you can, I would recommend finding a friend for you first. See if you can get out to a yoga class or some type of adult learning class that will put you around people that share the same interests as you. That will help narrow it down, also.


Take care!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 4:00pm

All that I can say is Hang in There!!! It will take time - time for you to establish some meaningful relationships and also time for your two year old to grow out of the tantrum phase. Just keep trying to get out and meet as many people as possible. Try Mothers of Preschoolers (www.mops.org), The Moms Club (www.momsclub.org), Mothers and More (www.mothersandmore.org) to see if they have chapters near you. I could have written your post 8 years ago when I first started staying at home - I was so lonely. When I finally found a playgroup, I came home after the first meeting and told my husband, "Well, they were nice enough, but I don't think they'll be my best friends or anything like that." Well, now they ARE my best friends, and they still tease me about saying that (I told them later on what I had said). It just took time. Hang in there - you'll be fine. :-)

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:48pm
Yes it does take time. I finally found someone that is a good friend now after 4 years of living in our neighborhood. I think it is best to find someone for you first and then go from there. I tend to be isolated with no family or friends around too. It is nice to have another Mom that you can share things with and have children that get along with each other. Trish :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 10:29pm

I understand how you feel! granted I am not in a new area, but when I have taken CHloe to playgroups around town there is NO ONE! (the other moms) that I connect with at all!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 11:33pm
I feel very isolated at the moment too.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 11:55pm

You all had such encouraging things to say, that I called my husband over to share it with him. He enjoyed your support as well as I. It can be so hard to start over and make new friends in a new area.

I like the idea of first finding someone compatible with me. You all really gave me some new ideas and new hope.

Thanks so much!
clover

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 11:33am

(((((((Brandy)))))))

I know what you mean... we went through that to some extent when we lived in Utah for a while. It was difficult, and eventually ended up moving back home. I wish I had known what I know now, b/c things would have been much different. These ladies had some wonderful advice... I hope you can find some close friends soon. I know how important it can be :o)
Who knows... you may even meet someone here that lives close to you. You might check the regional boards too (can't remember if anyone suggested that yet or not).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:27pm
Move back and I will entertain you!!! LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:39pm

I am going through the same thing! Hugs to you!

(I think I get more excited about Toddler Time at the library then any of the kids there!!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:18pm
LOL! you know... if my family wasn't here, we probably would :o)

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