the back to school talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
the back to school talk
2
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:03pm
as most of ya'll know alleria just started kindergarten. right now things are going great and she is LOVING it, thank god. but yesterday i realized with horror that i hadn't gone over any of the things i had intended to go over with her before school started. i was in the hospital for a couple of days when school started and we still haven't really gotten back to 'normal' yet, but i completely forgot to have the school talk with her!

so last night we sat down and had a really good talk with lots of role playing and figuring out solutions to problems that she may face. we talked about gun and weapon safety, appropriate touching, what to do if someone is hurting you or someone else, when to tell the teacher and when to deal with it yourself, what to do if someone calls names, uses bad language, pushes, hits, steals, etc etc. we talked about whether it's ok to hug and kiss your friends and when it's appropriate and when it's not, like: "it's ok to give your friends a hug if they want it, but not ok if they ask you not to. it's ok to kiss on the cheek if you want to, but kisses on the mouth are off limits. it's ok to hold hands but never to touch someone or allow someone to touch you in certain ways." we've had most of these conversations before but they always ended in "if this ever happens you come tell mommy right away," so i needed to go over it again and say "tell your teacher and THEN tell mommy." we talked about what she would do if someone ever brought a weapon to school and what she would do if she witnessed or was involved in a fight.

i just wanted to post to remind anyone who may have been as spacy as me and fogotten. i think that alot of the problems and situations that come up in the early grades are the result of the kids simply not being told what is ok and what isn't, like the kid last year who got suspended from first grade for kissing a little girl. he really may not have had any idea that was not ok! and if god forbid something awful happens like guns or drugs i want my kid to know what to do about it.

but the coolest thing was that sometimes alleria's solutions were better than mine! i started the discussion by asking questions, like "what would you do if you saw some big kids teasing or hurting a little kid?" and "what would you do if you were on the playground and someone was being mean to you and the teacher didn't notice?" i've noticed that most kids listen and remember better if they came up with the answer themselves, so i wanted her to get a chance to suggest things before i told her the 'right' way to do it. but her answers were so great! to the bullying question she answered "i'd tell the teacher and then i'd give the little kid a hug and stay with him, 'cause the big kids won't be mean to him if he has a friend!" isn't that SMART?! she's so right, it's usually the loner who gets picked on, if he has friends to back him up he'd be safer! then to the playground one she said: "first i'd tell them to stop being mean, that i didn't like it and they were hurting my feelings." so i asked her what she would do if they didn't listen, and she said "then i'd go away from them and play somewheres else, and if they still kept being mean i'd go tell the teacher." i was so proud of that because her first instinct was to try and deal with it on her own, THEN go get help. i would have told her to go get the teacher first thing, but her way was actually better and very well might work without involving tattling. the touching was another matter all together, as alleria's a huggy little kid and she never turns down physical affection, lol. i told her that no one is to touch her unless she wants them too, and even then they should never do more than give her a hug or kiss on the cheek or hold hands, and she goes "but what if i'm lonely at naptime and Jared wants to snuggle with me?" me being mom, i'm going 'who the heck is jared and why is he snuggling with you?!?' apparently they're mat buddies and rest next to each other at naptime, and sometimes they scoot their mats close together and whisper and she was thinking some snuggling might be fun!! eeek!! lol. so we discussed why personal space is important and how you only snuggle with your family or very close friends, and while she wasn't terribly happy with it she said she understood.

but i was so glad that we talked over everything and role played enough that i feel confident that she can handle anything she's going to run into this year. i wish that the school sent home a note at the begining of the year with suggested topics of converstation like bullying, guns and drugs, teasing, appropriate touching, what to do if there's trouble, etc etc, i think it would help parents and kids avoid many of the problems that pop up. they discuss bullying in alleria's school in first grade, and while i'm glad they do it at some point i don't understand why they wait a year. bullying begins as soon as children start school, and if kids had the info and the tools to deal with it i think we could avoid disasters like the school shootings and child suicides you hear so much about.

anyway, just wanted to remind you all....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:19pm
Thank you for all the ideas on what should be discussed.
I have talked to Andrew on some of them, but he seems to care less, but I hope he understands and the things we talk about stick with him.
He can be such a stubbron boy sometimes.
Thanks again Clarity.......


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:07pm
Clarity! That is a great idea! Maybe you could tell the school to do this for future generations? That is really smart parenting!


I Love Jesus and He Loves Me!




Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's