can i handle it? is it as bad as i read?
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can i handle it? is it as bad as i read?
| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 12:25am |
hi, i'm new. i'm katrina.
i'd like to become a mom but i'm on my own in deciding. my family just seems afraid of me doing it b/c they say it's just so much sacrifice, etc. &
everything i read seems so NEGATIVE about child rearing.
i go to Barnes & Noble & read the baby parenting section books & it's all so much suffering by the moms. Geeeez! i'm scared out of trying to conceive now!!:(
i don't have close or many friends in our new area & i don't expect to have close personal friends w/ me when i go through this. dh works long hrs. (we can hire housecleaning help but i think it'll still be me as the mom doing it all every step of the way). is it really as bad as i read & hear?? 2 books i read today said everything i hear that's positive is a 'myth.'
i seem perfect for motherhood but what can i do to keep the suffering (postpartum depression, anxiety, stressing out, isolation, boredom?) to a minimum?
i have no one to guide me so you all are invaluable to me.
Thank you hugely! Kat
i'd like to become a mom but i'm on my own in deciding. my family just seems afraid of me doing it b/c they say it's just so much sacrifice, etc. &
everything i read seems so NEGATIVE about child rearing.
i go to Barnes & Noble & read the baby parenting section books & it's all so much suffering by the moms. Geeeez! i'm scared out of trying to conceive now!!:(
i don't have close or many friends in our new area & i don't expect to have close personal friends w/ me when i go through this. dh works long hrs. (we can hire housecleaning help but i think it'll still be me as the mom doing it all every step of the way). is it really as bad as i read & hear?? 2 books i read today said everything i hear that's positive is a 'myth.'
i seem perfect for motherhood but what can i do to keep the suffering (postpartum depression, anxiety, stressing out, isolation, boredom?) to a minimum?
i have no one to guide me so you all are invaluable to me.
Thank you hugely! Kat

Katrina
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I do think they should give even time to all the positive things though!
spring06sig2
My seven month old son is very sick with a nasty cold. He's coughing, sneezing, and can't breathe through his nose. As a result, he's not eating. You can tell he feels just awful. He's been fussing most of the day, and I have really needed a break. When DH got home (he works and goes to school, so he's gone from sun up to sun down), I handed the baby to him. But he wanted me, and only me. When he finally calmed down enough to go to bed, he would not go to sleep and I was sooo frustrated. I really needed my me time. But now that he's asleep, I feel guilty for being frustrated and wish I could wake him up to be with me and make sure he's okay. Anyone who says it is roses and sunshine all the time must be high!!!
Adrienne, SAHM to Aidan
This is the question I asked myself when the Baby Urge touched me. I had seen so many mothers have children for reasons that seemed strange to me --- like to have a playmate, to have a pawn, to have leverage against their husband, etc. --- that I wanted to make sure we had children for the right reasons. For Preston and I, we decided to have children for many reasons, one of the main ones being to have one more loving and generous person in the world. We want to raise loving, kind children who will help the state of the world, make a difference in it (not monetarily or with fame, but in easing the suffering of others, contributing to the welfare of those in hardship, to bring more laughter and joy into their corner of the world).
I have to remind myself of those reasons sometimes. Especially when Essie is lying on the floor crying because she wants another glass of chocolate milk and Miguel is hiding underneath the coffee table because he just peed and pooped all over the rocking chair. And dinner is burning in the oven. And I have not showered and feel tired from having to keep my night-owl Miguel from sleepwalking all over the place.
It's such a personal decision, but, yes, it is difficult. It is so difficult that you will find yourself pulled and pushed and stretched out, and if you don't fight against the differences that come into your life, you will be amazed, later on, to look back at yourself and see that all the pushing and pulling has been to make your heart larger for more love. Because of children, I feel like I love more. I am not so quick anymore to judge people who may look a little sloppy or tired or say the wrong things because I am often one of those people. Because of children, I can narrow down what matters --- Does it matter that Essie is wearing pink and yellow striped leggings with a red ballerina shirt and her brother's sandals and blue socks? No, what matters is the victory of a child who has dressed herself and is happy at her independence. All the difficulties are to make us stronger, to help us more deeply realize what it means to be a mother, not just a half-baked version of one.
I've lost a great deal as a mother --- my personal time shrank, I don't watch t.v. news as I used to, goodbye to spontaneous dates with Preston, arrivederci to spending fun money on myself and the countless CDs lining my shelves, my dreams have shifted. I am more tired and much, much slower than I ever thought I could be. I used to be able to pounce from activity to activity, and now, I realize that it might very darn well take one hour to get two children to put shoes on and get to the grocery store. That's all right.
I've gained a lot --- a sense of purpose, the joy of seeing children grow and become kind, the perspective on how people work, a greater love for my parents, a bond with Preston, and I feel that I have become a better person for having children.
I wanted children to help bring more love into the world. I did not realize that I would also grow in love and have more to give myself. It's been a beautiful surprise and blessing.
Isolation? Yes, I feel isolated ... Friendships do not come easy to me, but I am making an effort to do more and get out more and talk to the other moms in Essie's classes. And I'm feeling less isolated!
Bored? No, never. Who has time? And downtime is so precious!
Difficult? Yes.
I'm a mother who is powered by prayer. It is prayer that keeps me going, that gives me strength to deal with seemingly impossible days. And a support group of my parents, Preston, a handful of friends and this board really make a difference, too.
I'll keep you in my prayers!
Best to you,
Maria,
mum to Essie, 4; Miguel, 2.5; and Rafael in heaven
LOL! Yeah that would have to be it! But that was my mom, she grew up in the 50's with the typical "June Cleaver" type mom, and she was that way too. Her life seemed to be all about putting up a good front and always acting like everything was perfect...perfect mom, perfect family, etc. Never once asking for help, never admitting that there were down moments in motherhood. For awhile I felt bad I couldn't live up to that! Now after meeting other moms I know that I'm not the only who doesn't think its wonderful ALL the time!
spring06sig2
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