can't attend church because of toddler!

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Registered: 03-26-2003
can't attend church because of toddler!
6
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 6:42pm

Hi. I haven't had the time to post much here but I wanted to ask this, how many of you belong to a church but can't really go that often, because your little one doesn't do well in the nursery? Every time we've left Jacob he ends up crying the whole time we're gone. A few times we'll leave when he is fine, he likes to play and be around other kids, but then I guess he realizes we're not there 'cause we'll come back and he's been bawling. Once we left him and he started crying right then. I felt so bad that I went back and pretty much stayed w/him in the nursery the whole time. I'd like to get more involved w/my church and attend regularly but I feel too bad about leaving him now. Anyone else have this problem?

Jenny & Jacob(7/28/04)

 baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 8:34pm
I dont go to church for the simple reason of Dalton being so young.
It is not that he cries, but I just can't do it yet

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:03pm

Can you not have Jacob sit with you during church? I am Catholic and the children participate in the service with us for the most part. AND if we need to we can go to the cry room which is in the back of the church. I go to a very large Parish and we attend the largest service at 10:15. When I have had to take my ds to the cry room there has only been 2 or 3 others in there. I had a dear friend tell me to sit towards the front so that the kids could see what is going on and this has worked wonders! If you have to leave him you might think of leaving him with a special picture book that includes pictures of him and his family. He can look at that book with his caregiver.

My personal opinion is...church is important and I am sure your church members want you to be there and to be involved!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:08pm

This is just my opinion, to start off with... If your toddler knows you will come when he cries, he will cry to get you to come and get him. Just something I learned through a psychologist's advice in the paper to another parent. Secondly, I have a toddler too and she is too "itchy" to be in church so my husband stays home with her for now. She is 14 mos. When my son was that age we took him to church sometimes, but often ended up walking out to the foyer (or whatever it's called) or the crying room until he settled down then brought him back into church. We did that quite a bit, but they have to learn what church is about and how to behave, even if it does mean missing what's going on during it sometimes. We don't have a nursery and it is always too noisy in the crying room so it was either bring them into church or keep at home. We've also brought books and other quiet toys, such as crayons and paper to keep him busy. We have not tried that just yet with our daughter since I don't think she is quite ready. She is just starting to settle down a bit to where she will look at books on her own or play a bit with one thing for a little while. Besides that, she is still taking a morning nap that usually overlaps with the service. This is just my experience and my opinions. I hope it helps and I wish you patience and luck. I understand how frustrating it can be.

Andrea SAHM almost 4 years (ds almost 4, dd 14 mos.)
married 7 1/2 years

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 6:37am

The more you take them to church, the better they understand the behavior that is expected of them. I have ALWAYS taken my girls to church (occasionally, we would hit the cry room, due to a tantrum or other such thing). Someone told me that they will not know how to behave, unless you keep taking them. Now, my dd's (1st and 3rd grade) come with, and participate in the service. One thing you could bring along, a Beginner's Bible. You can get them at a book store. My girls brought them with to church all the time. You can have them look at the pictures, and perhaps read the stories to them at night. Then they will be connecting everything together. Snacks, books, crayons, stuffed animals, etc are all handy to have along. I always felt as though I were dragging along the entire house, but it has paid off. So, don't give up. Keep him in the service with you. Try to go to the service that has more kids in it. That way, most people will understand. I am Lutheran, and my Pastor encourages all children to be in church. She loves them to be there and learning. However, we do have a nursery for those who feel that it makes more sense for the kiddos to be watched over. Anyhow, my opinion is, take him with you.

Hugs,
Wendy

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Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 1:02pm

We belong to a large Catholic church, and when I had dd, I thought it would be a nightmare taking her. I was afraid of every little peep she would make. I found it helped to sit near the front so she could see what was going on. I also take a book or a quiet toy that she loves, but only gets at church. I also take a quiet snack for her as well. She actually does really well. Shes quite shy, so shes not one to get up and run around a bunch of strangers. If she did ever get really upset, we would sit in the crying room, and still be able to participate. I dont really give her making noise much thought anymore after an elderly lady at church pointed out to me that God wont mind her crying in church, he's just happy that she's there !!! That made me feel better!

Good luck to you!

Lesley

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 4:01pm
My church doesn't have a crying room, that would be so awesome if we did! I know alot of churches that have those now, but for some reason we don't. I will try some of these tips, thanks alot for the advice!

 baby