Can't decide what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Can't decide what to do
3
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 4:04pm
Hi,

I've been a work at home mom for 3 1/2 years now. I have cut back pretty significantly on my jobs but still do about 10 hours a week. I'm due with #2 in a few weeks and though I've been super busy with summer activities, yard work, a 3 year old, etc...I still feel really lonely and bored. My DH is very supportive of my being a stay at home mom (which still includes some of my accounting work). So that's no problem. I do wish I could help with the money more but it's not a serious issue. I guess I just feel like washing dishes and cleaning bathrooms and changing diapers doesn't seem like much of a contribution. I do go out with friends and my SIL is due with #1 in a few months so there's lots in common there. My to do list of projects around the house is endless due to this house we own...it's a renovation project from the 1900's, not a disaster but basically everything needs to be done.

Anyway, I guess I really don't know how to deal with my loneliness and boredom. I was considering finishing my degree by correspondance course. I also thought of taking on more outside work (still working from home). I'm 24 but sometimes feel so much older then that due to circumstances and what-not.

I love my son and am eager for my new baby in a few weeks and wouldn't trade my responsiblities to them for anything...but I feel like I should do more, could do more...something...

Anyone know what I mean?

Thanks,

Jenfa

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 4:26pm
I think we all go through that phase of feeling every now and then. I know I do, especially when money is tight. But at least for us, the cost of childcare, even for the two who would need it (4 are in school), it still wouldn't be beneficial for me to work. I understand your feeling of not feeling as though washing the dishes and doing the laundry, etc, is much of a contribution, but you have to picture it another way. Since you seem to be in the area of accounting (from your post), calc. the amount it would cost for you/anyone to hire a cleaning company/housecleaner to come in to take care of those things you do now. In addition, add on the cost of the childcare, either through out of home or nanny. You will find that the things you consider to be menial, and not contributing, actually do cost a bit if you were to "outsource" them. Also, if you take care of the finances (i.e. paying bills, maintaining your checking/savings/retirement accounts), you would also pay upwards of $100 give or take, per hour, if you were to hire someone to do those tasks. When you think about it in those terms, the menial part of your "job" is actually saving you money in the long run. Most importantly, the love and attention you are able to give your child, cannot compare to what any childcare provider would offer. Your DC is SO much better off with you at home! His/her sense of well-being and security is worth so much more than a simple dollar amount. Believe me, we all go through what you are feeling right now. It seems tedious and lonely, at times unappreciated. But chin up! You're doing a great job, something no-one else can do within your own special family, and I'm sure your DH and even your DC appreciates everything you do.

Carson - SAHM to six

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 4:36pm
Welcome! I was in the same boat you were until I went back to work 4-8 hours a week. It was sooo needed. I was getting depressed and feeling like my all my work at home was not very important. My husband and I were overwhelmed with our list of things to do. So we threw it out! We know in the back of our minds what needs to be done. I spent more time making lists than actually getting anything done! I get out of the house a lot, go to the library, coffee shop, grocery store, anything! Even though there is plenty to do at home, what I was missing when I first started staying home, was fun in my life! I rediscovered hobbies for myself and make sure I do something for ME each day, like reading or going somewhere alone. Finishing your degree sounds like a great idea for doing something for you! I still occasionally complain that I am 26 and drive a mini-van (I can totally appreciate how you feel about feeling older), but I just remind myself that we are blessed to have a nice, working vehicle. Going back to work saved my sanity and focused my mind on adult issues for awhile. Don't feel bad about sharing chores with your husband, taking care of the house is a 2 person job (for us anyway!)I do take care of some odd and ends for him, which he greatly appreciates and makes me feel like I've accomplished more than just picking up the house. Just try different things and see what works...for me it has been very worth staying home despite some of the struggles. Good luck!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 7:04pm
I wanted to say, that from your post it sure sounds like you are doing alot to contribute to me! If you are feeling a little down, it could be pg hormones. You can always some here and post and there are lots of moms chat rooms around. I would say to volunteer somewhere but with baby on the way that is probably not an option. Good luck and let us know how you are doing!

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