Cant seem to pull it together

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Cant seem to pull it together
7
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:31pm
I just cant seem to do all the mountains of work that need to be done at home. I feel so tired and frazzled. Noelle takes up most of my time and I feel like I should have the home running like a well oiled machine by now. I became a sahm in November and Noelle just turned 1 and we have Danielle who is 7. It just seems like mornings are crazy to get 2 kids ready then walk dd to school with baby in tow, then come home and make her a nice breakfast, no time to clean up really since she is all over the place, then her nap, then time to make lunch, get dd from school soon after that with baby in stroller, then homework, snacks, cuddles, dinner, bath, husband, etc.... How does anyone do it??? I look around and feel like I didnt accomplish anything all day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:52pm
It is not glamourous or exciting and very hard work. But you are def. accomplishing raising two kids, at an age were most people don't raise their own kids. I think of the benefits of my daughter having a mother who is devoted to her, and feel it is my biggest accomplishment. I got this book yesterday from this basically, #1 scholar in Greece right now, and was a scholar in Oxford. O.K. so he wrote a great scholarly book that is worldly and popular right now in the circles, of the educated elite here. However, i feel that the biggest accomplishments are much more people centered, and not everyone can devote themselved to others, not even their own children. So, consider this a great accomplishment. Also, when they have gone and flown out of the nest these are probably the moments you will treasure in your life. It is hard work though, and you feel like you are divided in many areas, and giving to everyone, and sometimes not enough, maybe to dh, cause the kids take up so much, but, well, this is the reality i think of small children. I think most husbands don't like being second fiddle, but, i feel personally that the child especially the one year old, is the priority in the family, in my case at least, this is so. My Dh, had to adjust to this, and i don't think he enjoyed being second fiddle, but, it is in my oppion part of marriage, to understand that the wife is a mother. Anyway, it is not easy and love requires giving of yourself, entirelly.
take care and remember you are not alone, it is hard work.
arie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:55pm

Stop beating yourself up girlie!


First of all, you JUST started this whole JOB and as with any job it takes some time to get things figure out and you will!!! It's hard work being a SAHM, but you don't REALLY get that until you do it!


Second of all, even though you feel like you didn't do anything, you sure described a very busy day to me! Don't be so hard on yourself, not only do you have a ONE YEAR OLD, but you also have 2 walks a day to go on and an older child to parent as well with completely different needs.


Sounds like you're doing everything that needs to be done...remember, you became a SAHM to be just that...a MOMMY! =)


There's some really great tips in the thread a few down from here with home organization and time management tips...for days when you find time for

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 5:59pm

Very well said Nichole, ITA!


I think we all know too well the feeling that we didn't accomplish anything all day. We stop noticing all that WAS accomplished just by being there. Just today for example, I was able to accomplish sitting with my son, who is apparently getting sick (ARGH, why does his big sister have to share that!) and comforting him as much as he needed me. I couldn't have accomplished that if I wasn't here with him. Lol, I was also able to accomplish not ripping my hair out in frustration over why he was crying until I figured it out after his morning nap and he woke up overly warm. There are a lot of mini-victories through out the day that don't get noticed because they don't bring along it any flashy showey recognition. What's that saying "some days you're the hammer, so days you're the nail"?? Some days the house will be neat and tidy (sure, it'll be after the kiddo's highschool graduation but so what) some days it'll look like a disaster swept through. But would you rather have a clean tidy house, or happy engaged children?


Give yourself a break. This mommy stuff isn't a race. Nobody is handing out tropheys come the kiddo's 18th birthday saying congratulations. It's a never ending journey

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:03pm

I really can relate to that feeling of not accomplishing anything. For me it was realizing that, while I wasn't not accomplishing things monetarily I was accomplishing a lot just by being there for my son. Sure, having the house messy absolutely drives me nuts, I have to keep telling myself that it can be cleaned tomorrow. Where am I going, anyway? LOL


I agree that having a routine or a schedule works best for me. Eliminating one stress from your life would help, such as planning dinner. (I have a list on the fridge every two weeks for what we're going to be eating that way I can pull out from the freezer if I need to, or know that I already have everything I need for that meal.)


Just remember that your daughter won't be that age forever. She'll remember more that you spent time with her rather than that you kept a clean home. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:24pm
NO TROPHYS? screw it, I quit!!
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Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:00pm

I want to second what the other posters said.. don't beat yourself up!


My best suggestion is to pick one day a week to do the major cleaning. For lots of moms Saturdays is what works since dh is home to help. I'm talking like the sweeping and mopping, vaccuuming, the major scrub of the counters, etc.


Every day, do the dishes and wipe down the counters with a wet sponge. Pick up toys at the end of the day. If your kids are as messy of eaters as mine you probably will have to sweep at least around the table each day. You'd be amazed how just those little things keep your house looking clean. Of course I have a smallish house, just over 1100 sq. ft. and the bedrooms aren't the cleanest, but the main living area is clean and that's what I feel is important. So, that's my other tip, make yourself feel better by cleaning the areas you can't shut the door on. Which means kitchen, living room, and the bathroom a guest would use if there. The bedrooms will come together with time.


I went through a spell where my house was a disaster 24/7, then I made my dh help me get back on top of it and now each day I do the small things I talked about above and once a week I do a major cleaning and my house looks like I put a ton of work into it every day. And I don't.




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Registered: 11-17-2006
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 10:37am
First I just want you to know you're not alone. I'm a fairly new sahmom since last May and just now getting get advice from other sahmom's that I'd like to pass on to you. Everyone's situation at home is different and how you manange your time is a big priority in itself. We have a 3 year old son, a 9 year old daughter and my husband is out of the house more than 10 hours a day. Here are a few suggestions that have been working for me. The night before I lay out their clothes, make their lunches, and have an idea as to what has to get done the next day. Instead of waking up when its time to get the kids up (7:30am) my husband makes sure I'm awake before he leaves at 5:30 am. That allows me to get the things done I can't get done when my son is awake. For breakfast, I rarely ever cook except on the weekends. I go for quick and simple like hot oatmeal or cold cereal, yogurt, fruit or cereal bars. They're healthy and they love them. Your mentioned your daughter is 7, does she have any chores yet? It's hard to delegate chores knowing you can do them they way they need to be done. But, every little bit helps. Have you tried making up a schedule and keeping to it? I've posted ours in our kitchen and leaves very little guessing what we need to. My dh doesn't do a thing around our home and leaves his messes for me to clean up, which is why I posted a message as well. Having a 1 year old, giving your daughter the attention she needs, giving your dh what he needs, AND being a sahmom is a huge job. You're not super woman and no one should ever expect you are. If they do, leave them with this, "Don't point a finger, lend a hand." Good luck and keep me posted!