Coping with Child Comparisons

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Coping with Child Comparisons
6
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 4:49pm
I have a 2 1/2 year old son. As his mom, of course I'll say he's a loving, smart boy with the occasional tantrum and "not quite" potty-trained. I spend time friends that have children similar in age and I view my son's development as "normal".
I do, however, have friends whose son's behavior is extraordinary. The last time we saw our friends' son, he was a quiet boy that listened without hesitation. He is turning 2 and already potty-trained.
We are going to see them this weekend at a large gathering. I would love advice on how to cope with anyone that might compare the boys'. I am a stay-at-home mom and want to avoid feeling like I have to make excuses. I can tell myself NOW that I shouldn't worry about explaining anything but I know that it might be difficult when I'm IN the situation....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 03-02-2005 - 5:22pm

It is hard not to make comparisons! They are both boys and close in age, but here's the way I look at it... It's like comparing apples and oranges! Your son is an individual with his own unique style and personality. No two kids are the same, even twins usually have very different personalities! I have a friend that wanted to compare our kids and it was annoying at times. You just have to realize that is what makes this world so interesting! Plus just bc he's well behaved now doesn't mean that kid won't grow up to be an inmate and your son a judge, lol! Just relax and try not to let the differences get to you, but embrace them instead!

Amber

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 12:01pm

Boy, this sounds familiar!


My daughter is a very, very spirited, superhigh-energy child. And invariably, my brother's girlfriend will remark on how her stepsister (same age) is very calm and relaxed and docile. At first, I was so sensitive about it. I wanted to say, "HEY, you callin' my kid HYPER???" But then I realized that, well, my daughter is spirited, that other girl is calm. That's just how it is. So now when there are comparisons, I just say, "It's interesting how different children can be, isn't it?" or something like "Good thing we're not all the same. That'd make for one boring world."


I also have my children compared a lot. Essie is spirited, like I said, and my boy is so very sweet-tempered and easy-going. People always say stuff about that, too. I mean, it's obvious when my boy is quietly playing cars and blowing me kisses from across the room, and my daughter is running around the house with a play stroller, screaming a song, clomping along in her dad's shoes. So I just say, "We all have different gifts, thank God."


And, hey, my boy is a couple days shy of 3 years old, and just this week he is potty trained. It took him a while, but so what, right? No one hands out medals for Early Potty Training, and it's not like he was going to be 18 years old and wearing them. LOL


Hope that helps.


              Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 2:16pm
Thank you Amber & Maria! I smiled reading your responses. I do love my son's outgoing personality. I really needed the direction to take me from defending it to celebrating it. I have never liked comparing children because they are all different but sometimes even innocent comments can put me on the defensive. I have and will share a smile & the attitude that childrens' differences make them unique & fun. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 2:10am

Glad to have helped!


I have to remind myself of that sometimes, too. Just this Monday, we were at the store, and Essie was just hopping while

              Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Fri, 03-04-2005 - 8:26am

I'm pretty straight forward and blunt, I would just say, children like adults are individuals and I do not compare my child to other children!

I have a friend who's daughter is 6 months older than my son, she did this all the time with our kids. I got so mad one morning on the phone when she was saying how my son wasn't potty trained and her daughter was, and why was he taking so long. I finally said, well he is 2 and when he is ready he will. She told me he was late and should already be trained, that both her boys were trained by that time. I finally blew up and said well, at least he drinks from a cup and isn't still on a baby bottle. (I know, childish response, but she stopped buggin me about it.)
My old pediatrician told me that kids should not be pressured into potty training, every kid is different. The new ped. we have (we moved) said the same thing. I had even read in some of the baby magazines that alot of kids are not even starting potty training now until they are 3. My daughter was not fully potty trained until she was 3 1/2. Believe me it was her time table NOT mine! I wish she had been sooner, but that is something only the child has control of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 12:02am
I am going through that right now...unfortunately it is with my sister. She just doesn't get that all children are different and there really is no comparing them.


created by lindaandcammommy from the signature showcase board



Image hosting by Photobucket