Cry it out

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Cry it out
6
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 11:06am
I've tried letting my DD cry herself to sleep more than once and every time the same thing happens I would go in every 5 minutes to reassure her and I wouldn't pick her up but as soon as she would see me she would go into hysterics. So I would wait until it was just regular crying and then leave again Her cries would eventually soften enough so she could catch her breath and then she would scream and scream the longest I've tried it was for an hour going in every 5 minutes unless she had calmed a bit (I had the hope that this time when she calmed down she would go to sleep wishful thinking!) Anyways my mom step mom mother in law and step mother in law all did this with their kids and swear by it but I don't know if I can do it another night is it normal for her to cry hysterically for like 45 minutes straight? Not once has she fallen asleep I end up picking her up after a while because she gets so worked up that she can't really catch her breath. Help me please!!!
Avatar for sherrieann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: emilys_mumma
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 11:19am

I gotta say that I am not a fan of crying it out. My first it didn't work for. My second was such a good boy that he could be put in his crib at 8:30 awake or not and he'd eventually go on to sleep. My third he'll go on to bed with whoever invites him to sleep if he doesn't fall asleep on his own which is the norm.

Now with that said....some children just aren't the cry it out type. Like my first - my only girl! Find what works best for you and the child of course and work with that. It may not be crying it out. It could just be you in the room with her. Try putting the rocker next to her bed and you rocking while she's in the bed. It may take you rocking her in the rocker next to her bed a few nights and then try transitioning her into the bed with just a little rocking and then her in the bed and you in the rocker. Then just work it until she's only in the bed with you in the rocker and then start moving the rocker further and further away from the bed and eventually she'll settle into it.

Some children are just snuggle bugs though - they need that security of you next to them to fall asleep...as was the case with my daughter.

Good luck and hope that you find something that works soon!

Sherrie
Mama to
Kaelyn (5-13-97)
Kyle (12-13-99)
Jacob (11-30-02)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: emilys_mumma
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 12:17pm

I know it's torture, but I promise, she'll be ok--you're checking her once in a while to make sure she isn't actually hurt or anything, and though it's distressing, crying isn't going to physically harm her. It's like slightly older kids who hold their breath when they're mad--it's more physically damaging to Mom, whose blood pressure shoots through the roof, than it is to them, because eventually, they'll either take a breath, or get dizzy enough that they half way pass out, and THEN take a breath. The longest that ours screamed was 3 and 1/2 hours straight, no breaks, no stops. . . And it was ugly. Really, really ugly. Our pediatrician, who saw me in the office in sweat pants, unshowered, and sitting on a kid sized chair crying MY eyes out LOL, told me that even at 8 or 9 months, the baby was actually pushing the parameters, and trying to establish who was in charge of the situation, and caving in would only reinforce that HE was in charge--he suggested starting at 5 minute intervals, then going to 10 minutes, then 15, then 20 to make sure he was actually ok, and to reassure him--he also suggested that we take turns going in, so it wasn't always the same parent. If going in caused a new bout of crying after that, then close the door, go to the other end of the house, and wait it out. Eventually exhaustion would take over. It was awful, but he was right. Three nights of brutal screaming, and he laid down the fourth night, rolled over, and went to sleep. And I, being the nervous mess that I was after several days of little to no sleep, almost woke him up because I was convinced there was something horribly wrong LOL!

I'm sorry you're having to go through this--it's horrible while it's going on, and it seems to last forever, but I PROMISE that one day soon you'll look back, and this will only be a tiny little blip on the radar. You'll eventually even be able to laugh about it, but that will be a while. OK, a long while :) We were all there at one point, and it's difficult, but it does get better. Really.

Angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
In reply to: emilys_mumma
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 1:05pm
Try every 15 mins. Every 5 mins isnt long enough in between. I did this with mine and currently getting ready to do it with #3. Each time make your visits longer in between. Does she have night light? Music? Maybe you could tape yourself telling stories or singing and play it for her. They have remote mobiles, but I dont know how old your dd is. Good Luck! Its hard but you'll be ok. Eileen
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
In reply to: emilys_mumma
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 2:11pm
She has a nightlight that has a teddybear going in circles inside it also makes nature sounds sings lullabies has a sound sensor so that if it turns off and she cries it turns back on it even projects an light mobile on the ceiling!!! It should be bedtime heaven in there!! LOL I'll try 15 minutes instead Thx..
Amanda
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
In reply to: emilys_mumma
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 6:46pm

I practiced attatchment parenting with both of my children so, my children did not cry it out. They both slept in my bedroom. We allowed our childrens beds to be in our room until they were three. We just recently moved our youngest into his bedroom with his seven year old brother. They both sleep very well now and I have never had any problems at bedtime. I think you should go with what your heart says. There are very few cultures who have their children sleep away from them.


Just another way to look at it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: emilys_mumma
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 6:55pm
My son is almost 6 months and recently (after going through what you are going through) we figured out that he was just extra hungry. I have been strickly nursing but had to relent and start giving him a bottle of formula (mixed with breastmilk) at night. It is working like a charm. He is going to bed completly satisfied. I hope this helps.