Crying fits when Daddy leaves - HELP
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| Tue, 09-19-2006 - 10:57am |
Hi everyone. I am new on this board - but not new to ivillage. I need some advice, badly. My daughter just turned 4 on Sunday. I am home with her everyday - so clearly Daddy - who works 5 days a week, is a novelty. But things are progressing out of control. She (and now my son who is 2 1/2 has started too) wants Daddy for everything. When he is home, he can not catch a break, and I am stuck feeling sort of crappy and out in the cold.
Then want him for everything, and when he leaves in the morning my daughter especially cries and cries. Now - we have concerns with her in other ways... (we have worried she may have a touch of Aspergers Syndrome which I am in touch with the school district to have an evaluation done for - my nephew has it... so I know what to look for, and IF she does, it is very mild.. but enough to concern me a bit.) Anyway - that was off topic. Basically... she has a predisposition to being totally obsessive - beyond any reason. And her current obsession - is Daddy.
Have any of you dealt with anything like this at all before? She has other behavior issues - she has no idea between the difference of things *I* say (NO, Don't talk to me that way, etc) she will just repeat back... but my main concern is getting my poor husband some breathing room.
Do any of you have any ideas for me?
Thanks...
Lisa, & Jillian 9/17/2002 & Aidan 11/24/2003


WELCOME Lisa!! I can *SO* relate! I have identical twin girls, Tessa and Jenna, who are exactly 1 year younger than your DD (they just turned 3). They are *totally* in love with their dad!! They are all over my DH constantly, especially Jenna, but Tessa does it too. They want Daddy for everything (unless they're hurt or tired, and then they want me). Daddy is just a huge, huge hit. Besides me, they are his #1 Fan Club for sure! They also sometimes cry for him when he leaves for work, especially at night. He works overnights a few nights a week, and they will cry in their beds for him. They get mad at me when I try and comfort them, and just yell louder for Daddy. When he comes home, they jump into his arms and are on top of him, and I have to wait to even greet him properly because they are all over him for the first few minutes. If he sits down, they climb on his lap. When we go out to eat, they both want to sit next to him. They want him to bathe them and play with them and are constantly trying to interact with him. This has been going on for about 6 months or so.
I am not so concerned about giving my DH a break. He's a big boy and can handle it, LOL! Plus, they're his Little Princesses, and I think part of him really loves it, because my 2 sons have always been more "into" me, which might have hurt him on some level. But I do relate to what you say about feeling left out in the cold. It does feel that way, and I admit to getting my feelings hurt on occasion. Here I am with them all day, and while they interact with me and are affectionate, the minute Daddy walks in, they are soooo thrilled, and I am all but forgotten as they are glued to him like magnets the rest of the night. They even wait outside the bathroom door for him, LOL! It's like I need to wait until they're in bed to sit down and cuddle with him myself. And they are never that thrilled with me when I've been gone a few hours and come home. So part of me feels a little hurt at times, I admit it.
On the flip side, my husband *adores* them, and I think it's good for him to have such a cute little fan club. I'm happy about their closeness, and how much they love each other. I remember being a Daddy's Girl, too, and I still adore my dad. It is my relationship with my dad that gave me a solid base to make a good marriage. So I hope the same for my girls, because he's a wonderful father to them.
I also know that at 2-4 years old or so, this is developmentally normal. Freud even had a name for it: The Electra Complex. I'm sure you could Google it (I took a ton of psych in college, LOL!). As they get older, I'm expecting that they will become more bonded to me, as we share womanly things like shopping, hair and nails, and hormonal fluxes ;)
Good luck, and know that you're not alone AT ALL!
Sofia
Mom to Matthew (8), Justin (5) and Tessa & Jenna (3)
Wife to Michael