Deciding to be a stay at home mom - HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Deciding to be a stay at home mom - HELP
16
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 11:39am
First I must say that I feel so very fortunate just to have the opportunity to stay at home with my daughter Samantha (9 months). Therefore, I feel like a real whiner as I try and rack my brain about what to do. I wondered if I could consult some of you experts for advice. I'm so scared to make the wrong decision. Here is a little background.

Samantha has been sick ever since she started daycare. She seems to really like the interactivity with other kids though. Even though I'm only working 20 hours a week right now, it seems like I can't keep up with everything there is to do. I seem to get burned out easily. I'm also scared that I may get burned out hanging with my daughter if I was a full time mom too though! We live in the foothills of Colorado. I have always worked in the past and I tend to be a bit shy. I'm scared of so much, loosing my identity, friends, respect, money, control of money, sense of accomplishment, etc. I've never been without a paycheck and contributing.

I don't know where to start or what to ask really. It feels like such a huge decision, but shouldn't I just jump at the chance to quit work. AHHH. I would like to think I have time to make up my mind, but my husband wants us to figure this out this weekend while we are planning around benefits for next year. We've talked back and forth about it. Now we need to decide. AHHH Panic . . help help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 8:02am

Everyone is different but personally for me the decision was easy once I worked in a daycare.


I used to teach pre-k, then my first came along and I taught pre-k's to read out of my home. When my second was two I put my older son in the first grade(I had been homeschooling him...different story though).


My older sons teacher was the owner of this private school/daycare. She asked me to substitute and I agreed since I could bring my little one with me and he could go to whatever class I taught.


I can't tell you how sad it was to watch the two year olds there. It was like watching little zombies. It did

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 3:03pm
i really think everyone's posts are really helpful.

i think the adjustment is not really about being a SAHM or not.

it's about how you schedule your time, set up your life.

that's something you'd have to do if you made any adjustment- even if it wasn't related to becoming a mom.

like if you moved to another state or changed career paths, etc..

good luck!

just have hope & also you can always revise as you go.

Jordan

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 9:24pm
WOW! Everyone has been so insightful! I'm leaning towards staying home, in fact, I would say 80/20. I have all of you to thank. I'm interested in how Tinaj2004 is doing. I think of saying my good-byes at work, ouch. From the postings, it sounds like this is a new career. That is how I would have to treat it. Plus, I have endless second chances. I won't know unless I try.

I like my job. But I'm feeling that I can't give fully to any one area (home, work, Samantha). So, I'm taking a leap of faith. I'll either land on my feet . . . or learn how to fly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 10:53pm
Hi - Thought I'd update my post -- since you asked! This is the beginning of my first full-week of being a SAHM, and it hit me today that I am going to need to be careful to not try to do everything at once, and try not to be super mom. You know all those projects that you never seem to get to? I think I'm trying to get them all accomplished so that I can prove to myself and my husband that I am actually "doing something" all day. I walked around the house and made up an enormous "to do" list -- clean out the cabinet under the bathroom sink kind of stuff -- and realized this afternoon that (1) I need to pace myself; and (2) I need to be careful not to spend all my time trying to prove that I'm contributing and not actually being a mommy - the whole reason I quit work! (Just trying to be honest here . . .)

As for missing work -- I still need to go back and clean out my office. That should tell you something about how much I miss it -- actually, I think I'm partly procrastinating b/c I don't want to cut the final strings, but also b/c I just dread seeing everyone. (I got a little bit of attitude from a few of the working moms about my decision, and I sort of don't want to deal with it again.)

All in all though, I do not regret my decision one bit. My husband has been very supportive, and now that I've made the decision and (pretty much) moved on, I feel such a sense of relief. When I wake up and see that little face smiling up from the crib, I could just cry knowing that I don't have to leave her, and that I get to spend my day just being with her. Hope that helps! Feel free to post any specific questions and I'll try and help if I can.

Tina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 11:21pm
Oprah has said that you can have it all, being a mommy and working, but you just can't have it all at the same time. Boy, how true she is.
Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 12:09am
I know exactly how you feel. I have yet to put in my resignation. I don't know how I am going to handle being a SAHM. I can imagine finding myself watching out for the same land mines. It is great that you have picked up on your over-compensation. It is a different kind of career that you are entering.

I'm still going back and forth. I may take some time off to "pretend" and see how I do.

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