Dh doesn't want me to SAH

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Dh doesn't want me to SAH
3
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:10pm
Hi everyone-

I'm in the situation that I've always wanted to SAH once I'm a Mom. I'm now 10w4d along, and DH and I have had to really start talking about it. DH insists that there is no way that we can make it work. Without doing any checking, he seems to have his mind made up. I understand that yes, I might have to work, but at least I'm open to possibilities.

DH's mom was a single parent (with no $ help from his dad), so of course she had no choice in having to work. I've mentioned this to him, but he swears up and down that has nothing to do with it. Somehow I think he feels that if he went to daycare and turned out fine, it's fine for out child. Of course, people that go to daycare are fine-I've never said they aren't. I just don't want to have a baby and promptly hand it off to someone else to raise.

Anyhow, I guess I'm just wondering if any of you are/were in this same situation. How did you convince dh? It seems like most of the time it's the dh that wants mom to SAH. All of our friends/family are SAH if that makes any difference. At this point, I'm just praying that once our little one is born he'll change his mine.

Sorry so long... any ideas/stories are welcome!

Theresa

P.S. We've been together 9 years, and I've known of this difference of opinion nearly the entire time. I've just avoided really pushing the conversation now. Of course, it should have been talked about long ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:17pm

Theresa,


Welcome to the board. Sorry I did not answer earlier. I am feeling the blah's today. Usually this is a subject I jump right in on. Hopefully you'll get lots of replies! At the bottom in the general discussion area where you posted this is a more> sign. If you click on that you will see recent conversations we had on this subject. It comes up quite often so you should see lots of them. If not I am sure others will post when they get the time.


(((Hugs))))))))))) to you I hope it turns out the way you want!!!!

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2000
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 1:36pm
The only way to convince a bottom-line kind of person is with numbers. Sit down and create a realistic and detailed budget with line items for everything possible. Start by comparing it to your monthly net income on DH's salary alone. If you have a shortfall that's only a few hundred dollars a month, create a proposal showing how you could fund the shortfall from savings for one year. Then suggest that you be a SAHM for 12 mo.

In all liklihood, your DH will end up with a raise in another year that might put you in a position to stay home for longer.

DH and I did budgeting such as this when we were expecting. We actually created two budgets - one with me working versus one with me staying at home. We factored in the costs of formula and childcare and more take-out meals and dry-cleaning for my business suits compared to nursing, SAH, and wearing jeans. When you look at both in black & white, it makes the decision easier. Good luck and congrats - Suzanne







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 9:03pm
I was curious if you ever thought about starting a home based business of some kind to help out with money for the family?

Stefani