DH issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
DH issue
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 10:37am

Hi All. I'm new to this board, so let me introduce myself.

My name is Wendy and I'm a stay-at-home mother to two wonderful children. My DH is a terrific husband, amazing father, and a good provider. He works very hard at several different jobs in order to support us, though we continue to struggle financially (adjunct professor work doesn't pay all that well, and doesn't include benefits).

I've been home full time for about a year now, and I'm also homeschooling our children for a variety of reasons (bad school system, gangs, etc.). It wasn't orignally in our plan for me to stay home, but decisions were made that made it be what we need to do for now.

Anyway, I was distressed to learn that my wonderful DH truly believes that women who stay at home while their children are in school aren't really working! He thinks that if a woman is home while her husband is at work and her children are at school has no business asking for help with the housework, since "all she's responsible for is keeping the house".

He really doesn't get it. At all.

He thinks that the women in the 50's had it easy, and "didn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 12:20pm
Welcome Wendy! Maybe I'm stuck in the 50s mentality too (and it might be I still have kids at home) but I would think if all the kids are in school, it is the SAHMs responsibility to keep the house clean. Right now my job is caring for the kids who are home and housework is secondary but if I am home all day and no one is here getting toys out or getting crumbs on the floor every 10 min it shouldn't be that hard to keep things picked up and clean. But I'm not living that yet so my view may change. I do not consider that "not working". Keeping a home clean and all of the other things that come with shutting kids around (even ones in school) is not "not working". My littlest is going to be 3 this summer and he's my helper so we do get a lot of cleaning done but even what we do still takes up a good part of the day. As for help with the housework, my older 2 (will be 10 and 8) are going to be learning to clean the bathrooms this summer along with some other household chores. With 4 of them running around demanding my time and making messes I have no intention of doing it all myself and it is a valuable life skill. My mom was a SAHM and never let us do anything around the house because we didn't do it to her standards. DH will do house work only if I ask and most of the time it is easier if he takes the kids somewhere out of my way to help out rather than actually cleaning himself. I do agree you should not need to tell him everyday what you did for him to understand you are busy. I don't double check that DH was really doing things at work. Good luck with this issues and great job homeschooling. That is one area where I would really struggle, but there I times I wonder at the state of our public education and wonder if homeschooling really would be best for my kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 2:59pm

Hi Wendy!