DH says, "ok" to SAHM, & now I'm scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
DH says, "ok" to SAHM, & now I'm scared!
11
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 9:23pm

Hi ladies...
I'm new here. I am popping in from the December 2006 EC club. I recently had a baby girl, Ava, on December 13th and she has completely changed me!!! I posted this on the other message board, and thought I would post it here too and see what you all have to say...Sorry this is long...

Ok, so yesterday we had friends of our stop over with their 3 kids!! (That's another post)...And we're talking to them about the fact that I am really upset about going back to work and how badly I want to stay home. I go on to say that I'm not sure how we would do it financially, etc. The wife, Kesha, says to us that it's hard, but we can make it work. She says that she stayed home with her two daughters, not her son. She said it would all work out somehow. Everyone is scared to lose one income, but it will be ok. I think DH needed to hear that because now he is saying that he will go over all of our bills and see if we can actually make it work. He wants to refinance the house and we can possibly take our tax money to help with the bills. I think we get a good amount back this year because of Ava???

Now, here is my concern. For the past few weeks, I have really been upset about going back to work. DH would have agreed to it, but he wasn't really "encouraging" me to stay home. So, I was upset about that. I think he wanted me to go back because of the money. BUT, now that he seems to agree to have me stay home (after all that Kesha said), now I'm scared too stay home. Does that make sense? The main reason I'm scared now is because I would be giving up my full time job/position and if I ever go back to the County, then I would start off on the bottom again. I currently work for children services. I am the School Liaison there, so I no longer do the investigations like I used too. I simply train people in the community about child abuse. Also, there is a supervisor position coming up in the future and I really think I would have a good chance at getting it. If I give that up, who knows when that would be available again.

BUT, like I said, I have been crying for the past few weeks because I want to stay home with Ava SOO badly...I don't want to take her to daycare. I guess because I miscarried, it really put the "miracle of life" into perspective for me and I just want to be the one to care for her. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about going back to work. I don't ever want to regret that I didn't stay home with her. I have a feeling that later on down the road, I would have regrets for going back to work. That being said, I am so scared to give up my job. I am trying to look at both sides. If I go back to work, we won't have the money issue and I would probably get the supervisor position. If I don't, the money will be tight and who knows what job I will get in a year or so...Before yesterday, DH was saying, "look at the big picture...she won't be little forever and by you going back to work, you're preparing for her future (financially).", So, am I missing the big picture? I 'm so confused, can you tell? :)

If you read this far, thanks for listening...
Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Hi, and congratulations on your new baby. Please think long and hard before giving up your career and hard-earned seniority completely. Contrary to what people have said on this board (notably without any examples), it is not true that "you can always go back to your position." I have 3 friends who thought the same thing until they actually tried to (one had to) go back to work, and then they were in for a shock. You are right to be concerned that you'd lose the seniority and pay rate you have now. While it's not realistic to work only 1 day a week, inquire into a 3-day workweek. You might find that after a long weekend with the baby, it's fun and challenging to have somewhere to dress up and go to for a few days during the week. At the least, you could save a bit of money for 6-9 months before SAH full-time as it sounds as if things are understandably tight right now. Also, please don't feel as if you're cheating your baby if you decide to work part-time or even full-time. As long as you see her as much as you can when you're not working, she will always have an irreplaceable bond with you; you are her mother! It's not as if you are not leaving her for 4 years to go on foreign assignment or something. Ultimately, you must choose what's right for you, but if money is a concern, don't be too quick to leave a job where you've worked hard and established yourself.

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