DH work TWO jobs so I can SAH??...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
DH work TWO jobs so I can SAH??...
5
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 12:43am
I am SO torn on this one. DH has been looking for a new job for a couple of years now. Lately he has not worked under 70 hours a week, and it's not looking any better (thank goodness he's paid hourly!!). He HATES his boss, but loves his job. Boss has been skimming his paycheck for years now (he's been there for 4.5 yrs now). Well, the problem finding a new job, is with all of the overtime he gets, we count on the extra money more than anything (his regular hourly wage is crap, so we "need" the overtime in this job). With the overtime, his salary is pretty competitive. We have been cutting corners big time already since I started school, and we still feel the pinch. I want more than anything in the world for him to be happy with his job, and if that means a lower salary, than so be it.

Well, he has looked into another job (he hasn't interviewed or anything yet). It's a state job with cushy hours and nice benifits, but the starting salary is AT LEAST $15,000 less a year than what he currently makes. We were talking about how we can make it work, and I mentioned that if he had a job where he ACTUALLY worked 40 hours a week, then I can get a part time job around it, but quickly the subject of school came up. I'm switching my school to full time next month with a VERY heavy schedule, and I am not so sure I can HANDLE a job with everything else. DH is absolutely against me having a job. He thinks my part time classes are very demanding on me, he doesn't want our family or my grades to suffer if I were to get a job on top of all of that. Well, his solution is to get a part-time job WITH a new job. UGH!!! He justifies it, saying he's already putting in long hours, at least with two jobs it would be a change of senery. He also says that it would just be temperary until he gets a couple decent annual raises under his belt.

The BIG problem? MIL would have a FIT if she knew DH was considering working TWO jobs to "support" me, while I "sat at home". Seriously, the fact that I'm to be going to school full time means NOTHING to her!

If he is to get "away" from this job that seems to suck him in, we will probably have to suffer temporarally. We feel that it will be worth it in the long run, because all though this current job pays decent, it will NEVER be any better. He is at the top of his pay scale, which is EXACTLY 25 cents higher than the starting wage!! At least if he took another job that's lower pay with the promise of raises, he'd have SOMETHING to look forward to!

Would it be horrible of me to not have a job and DH work two jobs?? I do feel bad about it, but I really don't know if I can handle working and going to school, and raising three kids. I know many mothers do it, but I don't want to miss out on my kids as much as possible!

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 8:06am
Have you looked into student loans? They are low interest and you don't have to even start paying them until like 6 months after you graduate.
co-cl of Venting about Family Matters

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlfamilymatt/

Come visit me!

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 11:25am

Hi,


Sounds like quite a dilema!


Your Dh sounds really unhappy at current job, to the point where he would rather work two jobs than to stay there.


I have seen people doing this before and things have turned out well. It really depends on you and Dh's relationship and your Dh if this will work.


Some men like my Dh are just really worker bee's...lol. He is always looking for something to do even after working 12 hour days! It is very hard to get him to relax.


Your relationship needs to be very strong to do this though. You do not want him secretly resenting you because he is working two jobs. You need to have an absolutely honest conversation with him. Ask him also what he expects from you! I am defenitely not a worker like my dh but I do try to help him with things he thinks he HAS to do. I will mow a small section of our property each day, that way I do not get to hot. He always tells me not to do it, but I can see he is sectretly releived!


As for your MIL, Dh is going to just have to tell her that you BOTH have made this decesion and she needs to respect it!


If you just can't see how your Dh is going to be able to do this, then you might possibly want to get maybe a three day a week job.


Good luck with whatever happens! I wish you and your family the best!

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 2:07pm
I don't have any specific advise, other than to say that this is a tough decision that you and your husband will have to make together after you have figured out what will be best for your family as a whole. Your MIL has NOTHING, let me repeat, NOTHING to do with this - do not let her influence you one bit. It's up to you and your husband alone to decide what is best for your family - good luck!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2004
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 11:45pm
I am new here, am a SAHM to DD 11 months old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 8:54am
HI Angie. I am in a very similar situation. I will tell you my story and you can take what you can from it then I will put in my 2 cents.

When I was in the hospital delivering my son, my DH's boss told him that he had to come to work, after DH was promised paternity leave for 1 week, or he would have to find another job. Thank god my DH quit! I couldn't stand him working for someone like that - family always comes first no matter the sacrafice. Anyway, he was out of work for about a month then got a job waiting tables to pass the time until something better came along. Something did and he ended up making more money than either of his 2 previous jobs! However; he hated it and the people that he worked with. HE ended up working about 60-70 hours a week and never saw me, his newborn son or his 7 year old daughter form a previous mnarriage. When he had days off work he got called in anyway! This was a problem since we have decided against daycare and I work when DH is off. Needless to say my part time job didn't last very long. After a conversation I had with DH he decided to quit and look for something else. Thank god we had some savings. He found a great job with lots of opportunity. Today we are in the same situation. I have another part time job and I find myself calling out at least once a week - which is alot since I only work 2 days! I never see DH anymore and neither does his 7 mo. old son or 7 year old daughter. He works 60 hours a week and to top it off it is night work so he has to sleep all day. So basically, he is here but we never see him. I love him dearly for the fact that he does this so I can stay home and raise my son but it has come with a price. My relationship with DH is awful and even though I will never leave due to my son I will be miserable with DH for years to come. I am raising my son alone. I am not supposed to be a single mother but I feel like it.

SO my 2 cents: SPend all the time you can with your DH. Constantly work on your relationship and leave your MIL out of it. Continue with school and maybe work part time. What are you doing for childcare? Pamper yourself - you not only need it but I am sure you deserve it. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding. If you guys can cut corners to avoid DH working 2 jobs then I would try that first. If he needs to work 2 jobs to pay the bills so you can stay home and go to school then make sure you make time for one another. Remember your children need you and if you need to postpone school for financial reasons then maybe you should consider that. School will always be there for you - your children are only this age once.

I hope that you are able to get something out of my post. I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm sure you will make the right decision. Take Care.