Dh's done having kids Im not so sure

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Dh's done having kids Im not so sure
3
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 12:10am
Any advice would be great! My dh and I were only dating four four months before I got pregnant (first time we did it USING protection) so we got married two months later. We have been happily married for 4.5 years and now have a going on 4 year old and a 7 week old. He wants to be done cause we have never had "alone" time and every last dime he has made has gone to our children and bills. He is ready to let them grow up and have "our" time. I on the other hand am not so sure... I am a SAHM (obviously) and have been since we got married and love it! He is allready talking about when the baby gets older I can go back to work. I am not so sure thats what I want... I am only 25 if that makes any difference at all. Now that I have explained my situation tell me what you all think? TIA Wendy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 1:41am

Wendy,


just wanted to say that it could possibly be that he is saying this because your new little one is so small. Maybe give it some time.


Like you, my dh and I knew eachother a very short time before we got married. We have been together 8 years now and going strong. There will have to be a time though where you sit down and tell dh what you want from life. To some men the thought of being soley responsible for family's finances can be an overwhelming idea! I know my dh struggled with this the first year we were married, and having financial troubles to boot. I made a financial plan and showed him how after day-care and gas and lunches not to mention work clothes and such, that it just made more sense to stay home. Plus there is the added benifite of everyone being content. Dh and kids!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 10:10am
My Hubby and I only have one child,and he doesn't want anymore.(He has one other child by a first marriage.)I would love to have one more,but I do think that BOTH parents should want to have another child or else they shouldn't have any more.I know that it is hard to imagine not wanting another,but pretend you didn't want another child and your Hubby was preassuring you to have another.Try to look at it from his perspective.And love the ones you do have!Look at it this way,at least you have two!I only have one!But I pour all kinds of love and attention on him!Besides,it is a little early to be thinking about another one when you have a 7 week old!Maybe in a few years he will change his mind,but in the meantime don't push him about it,because that will probably just make things worse.Well,enjoy that new baby,and CONGRATULATIONS!

Hugs, Heather
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 4:57pm
Hello! I'm a sahm of two girls ages 4 and 21 mos. My thoughts are if your hubby doesn't want more I'd respect that. You wouldn't want to have another one and have your husband hold a grudge against you or the baby. In addition, if you are worried about funds now, it would compound problems in the future that could put undue stress on your marriage. To put extra pressure on your hubby having another child at this time when your hubby is worried about $$ is not a good thing. I remember after I initially stayed home, I was worried for a while. You can't depend on clothes being handed down from one kid to another from what I've experienced. . . anyway . .

My husband and I will be married 11 yrs (I'm 37 yrs old) in Aug - we had 7 yrs of "alone" time, which was nice. Some husbands (especially if you didn't have an "alone" time) are more possesive with their wife's as far as having to share her with the kids. (more needy) I would make special effort to have some evening time after your 4 yr old goes to bed (hopefully earlier that mine!) and watch a movie or sip hot chocolate and have cookies and talk. You are still adjusting to your baby still(congrats!)your hubby, I'm sure is still adjusting. Who know's what's happening w/ your hormones! If you feed your relationship and your husband gets more comfortable w/ finances, perhaps in time he will feel better about the possibility of another child. Perhaps going over your budget will put his mind at ease. (that always helped me) Then you could do this monthly and see where you went overboard.

If you financially plan for yourselves, you will be able to retire at a decent age and still be young enough to enjoy it.

Perhaps you may want to lurk at the frugal living board to help cut down on expenses. My Sister In Law is really frugal and some "shortcuts" are moneysavers. We sure are blessed to be home.

Hugs,

Holly