Discipline

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Discipline
11
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 11:32am

Hello everyone...I've been gone awhile, but I have a question for you all. My ds just turned 1 year old. I have asked many a friend about when they began to use "time out" or whatever method of discipline they used. Many said they swatted their babies on the leg or arm even before they turned 1 and that it worked. I still think he's too young to do that and I think I'd feel like a monster if I did it...however, I was spanked, my dh was spanked..not all the time and never as a beating, of course, but when we were putting ourselves or others in danger or when we had just done something over and over and over and our parents had that as a last resort...that's when we got a spanking on the bottom.

I have begun to implement some discipline when my ds has a tantrum or starts to scream when there is nothing wrong with him...he is just programmed by me, unfortunately, that if he screams, I come to his rescue. I guess I've instilled negative reinforcement in him...so he's learned this from me. Now I have to break this habit. I see a counselor for what I thought was postpartum depression (now I think it's just being lonely and having no family or real friends around to help me with a baby and losing adult interaction altogether) and he says that it takes about a month to break a habit and that I SHOULD begin to use the ignore when he is screaming thing and to tell him "DS, you may not scream, and if you keep screaming, you are going to spend some time alone." Not cruel, not yelling, not mean sounding, just matter of factly. Sometimes, lo and behold, it works and he stops...I've been doing this about 3 weeks now. Sometimes, like today, he continues and I have to actually put him in his crib and tell him, when you stop screaming, I'll come and get you. So he's up there right now..it's been almost 30 minutes..and it's like pure torture, but it's MORE of a torture to be in the same room with it and I feel I will not be teaching him what's acceptable and what's not if I don't start to do SOMETHING different.

Do you feel he's too young for this method? Did you do this with your own and when? Did anyone spank this early or pop your baby on the leg when it got to the point that nothing else seemed to work?

I have tried very hard to stick to all the "expert" books like What to Expect and another very professional book, but I've come to the conclusion that they are for parents with the perfect child and that the methods they have in there are for the ideal situation, not real life. I basically almost threw them out several times. I think asking real people with real children is the best way to find out what might work that I haven't thought of yet. I know he's different than everyone else's children in many ways, but when it comes to discipline, there are only so many things you can do with a 1 year old. So help is appreciated.

Ok, I think he's stopped screaming...I'm off to get him now.

Thanks, Debbie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 1:30pm
This is what I do with Dalton.

I do not hit or spank him. I think he is way too young for that.
If he throws a tantrum, I make sure he is not harming himself and then I let him go at it. No attention from me. He stops real quick when he does not get his way or gets attention.
I think we are all different in how we discipline our kids. There is no wrong or right way as long as it is not abusive or hurting the child.
Go with what works for you both and what you feel comfortable with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 2:46pm

I did swat my little ones because I wasn't about to listen to screaming for who knows how long. I do put my daughter (3) in her room now to throw her fit because spanking just makes her worse. It is torture, but when she is done she stops and everything is ok. I think they need to know that isn't appropriate behavior and it won't get what they want. I think Mel is right though, everyone and every child is different. What works on one won't work on the other. I think you are doing the right thing by putting him in his crib so he won't hurt himself and you won't go crazy! Good luck!

-Robin

I can't believe I almost have a teenager!
Lilypie Baby Ticker


Your sweet angel sister Caitlin is watching you grow, Megan!
Lilypie Baby Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:10pm

Debbie, I think the doctor was right about not making a big deal. I think when you let the child see you get angry or that he is frustrating you it justs makes them do more. I have always just ignored, but luckily my children have never had tantrums. I have always spanked our children. I really don't remember how early of age they were. I think by the age of one it was on their hands only when they did not understand that NO meant NO. We still would probably spank our girls (ages 8 & 12), but there has been no need to. My 12 year old might be too old now but my 8 year old we would probably go ahead and spank if we had to. I know as soon as Aston is one I will discipline him just as I did the girls cause they turned out to be wonderful kids.

Olivia

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&nbs
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:37pm

For my case, with a very high needs one year old I always ignored tantrums...even to the point of stepping over him in the grocery store. But when It came to discipline I would always just redirect at such a young age. If they were getting into somethign I would just move them and discract them with something else.


I do beleive in corporal punishment but only use this If they willfully disobey me. If they are doing just kid stuff like spilling milk then I let it go if they willfully disobey me then they might get a spanking, but Matt is 8 and I have only had do do this twice...With Nick I have had to spank him twice and he is three.


If you are short tempered or get frustrated easily I would never use corporal punishment as discipline. There are people that cannot put their anger aside to discipline properly. I only have used corporal punishment when I am calm and collected otherwise I see it as you are just striking your child...just my opinion though.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 11:00pm

I guess I never believed in redirecting because I just thought what if I wasn't there to redirect when they stuck something in a light socket. I guess I figure if they associate a little pain (spanking) with touching something they aren't suppose to they may think about it before touching something that could actually hurt them. This may be wrong, but just my opinion. Not to argue or go against the beliefs of anyone.

-Robin

I can't believe I almost have a teenager!
Lilypie Baby Ticker


Your sweet angel sister Caitlin is watching you grow, Megan!
Lilypie Baby Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 11:58am
This is just my opinion as a mom and as a former child caregiver and pre-k teacher but
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 4:06pm

Thank you all for your advice and replies. I think now that I know I at least have some "control" over the situation and that he's now old enough for me to implement ANY kind discipline or training about what is acceptable and what is not. Screaming b/c he's bored or isn't constantly entertained is NOT ok with me...or not getting attention every waking moment. And someone on this board answered to another poster that it's GOOD for them to be bored sometimes b/c first of all it teaches them they won't be constantly entertained, and second..it makes them get more creative to entertain themselves...it can't be on us ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I also think things will get a little better once her can walk and do more for himself..of course, that has it's own issues...hehe. In any case, I can take to heart what each of you said and for now, the lowering my voice and then putting him in his crib for awhile thing is at least keeping me somewhat sane...yeah, right...hehe. Thanks again.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 8:44pm
Another thing I tried was

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 11:22am

I will definitely look into that book...I hope it works on 1 year olds.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 1:13pm

It says ages 2-12, but I remember reading that the earlier you strt the better. But to read the book all the way through before doing it.


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/sim-explorer/explore-items/-/0963386190/0/101/1/none/purchase/ref%3Dpd%5Fsxp%5Fr0/102-2062263-8989703

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