Divorce?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2004
Divorce?
9
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 7:52am
I haven't posted in awhile. But wanted to ask... How does a sahm go about a divorce when she dosnt work and couldnt afford to raise children herself on a job she could get. And have 2 small children. I am in a unhappy situation and its on and off for years now, and Im so sick and tired of it. I wanted to go to counceling for communication help with my spouce but he's not interested in seeing anyone. I guess he thinks its all my problem. He for some reason wants to stay in an unhappy situation . He says he dosnt want to give up but yet he dosnt want outside help. Any suggestions? I guess I will have to stay untill the kids are on their own? But Im already 42 and my youngest is 3 it seems too far away to wait to live a happier life. Thanks for listening Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
In reply to: lisahof64
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 9:33am
I have no advise..
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: lisahof64
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 9:48am

Lisa,

I emailed you a reply :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lisahof64
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 10:21am

(((Lisa))) I'm so sorry! I don't think you should stay if you're so unhappy and there's no hope of making the situation better, but that's just MHO. Life's too short! Have you told your husband that you want a divorce? Maybe the threat of that will prompt him to seek help.

I guess if you did leave him, you'd have to go to work. Maybe the lesser of 2 evils?

If you still love him underneath, it's worth working on and trying. Just MHO.

I feel so sad for you. I wish I had better advice, but I'll say a prayer for you.

((((Hugs))))

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
In reply to: lisahof64
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 12:46pm
I am a SAHM going through a divorce right now. As for having money to raise your kids, you would be able to support them and get by. You would get child support--it depends on how much your husband makes, but it usually pretty good. PLus, you get spousal support--it depends on how long you were married for. I was married 4 years, so I only get a year spousal support. Anything after 5 years, you get about 2 years or more.
The only advice I can give to you, is go to marriage counseling and trying EVERYTHING in your power to make your marriage work if that's what you want. A divorce should be your last resort, and trust me it's hell going through one. Me and my husband fight more than when we lived together, it's bad.
And if your dh doesnt want to go with you to couseling, go by yourself.
I know it's easier said than done, I was in a miserable situation, and I wanted my marriage to work, but my husband had other plans. Please do not stay for the sake of the kids if you are truly unhappy, that is no way to live. I hope this help, and goodluck.
Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
In reply to: lisahof64
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 1:26pm

((((HUGS)))) I am so sorry you are going through this.

Lilypie Maternity tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: lisahof64
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 1:51pm
Lisa, i am so sorry you are in an unhappy situation, i think if you are serious about a divorce, you need a good support network, like parents to help with the child sitting etc...i don't know. You seem still willing to try but, i understand your frustration about being sick and tired. Chances are your hubby feels you are the problem, and unfortunately you can't change anyone else but yourself. I don't know financially i think it is difficult on your own, but, if you get divorced he would probably have to pay child support. i get the feeling you are dissapointed in your husbands refusal and baffled in his willingness to stay in an unhappy situation. He is probably not unhappy, or somehow benefits from all of this. But, you can go to counseling on your own. I think one person, can save a marriage, or end it better, if that is to be the course you take. I would have zero expectations on my husband, as to how he should be, see what you can do for you, first if you can, or maybe try a separation, first. I don't know, what else to say.
best of luck,
arie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
In reply to: lisahof64
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 2:37pm

Your situation sounds familiar to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
In reply to: lisahof64
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 7:46pm
Lisa, I've been where you are. I'm really sorry you're at this spot. I don't have any words of wisdom that I feel are right, but I can offer you big ((((((hugs)))))). The other ladies gave you some great advice. And I can also say from experience...we'll all be here if you need/want hugs, advice, or someone to share some laughter. :) Hope things improve for you, Lisa!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: lisahof64
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 8:57pm
I wanted to send some hugs your way.....
I think it is always a hard choice for anyone to make when divorcing and also harder when you have kids and you are a sahm.
I worry sometimes just at the fact if something happen to Chris, I would have 3 kids and no job in over 5 years.
I wish you the best with your situation.
I do think to stay in a situation like that is not fair to you or the kids. I know I have said I would, but have been given good advice about not doing that and for many reasons.
No matter what you choose to do, I wish you the best.

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