Do you ever feel like you live in a
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| Fri, 03-09-2007 - 8:39pm |
brain fog? I swear, lately I just can't seem to focus on anything or even care! My grandma passed away in November of 2005. She was my hero, and one of the best friends I will ever have. She was like a mother to me and her sudden illness, the 7 weeks we took care of her while she was dying and her death just devastated me. Ever since then, I just don't feel like myself anymore.
I've also gone from being a full time SAHM to doing in home d/c for a family friend. I took this on hoping it would keep me occupied and my mind off of the bad stuff! I am keeping her kids 40+ hours a week in my home. This is nice because I am still home all the time and she is a teacher so I have the same days off as my kids, summer off, etc. However it comes with a price. I am taken advantage of alot. I am expected to go way above and beyond what our original agreement stated. She changes plans on me constantly and at the last minute, etc. I've had her kids here sick for three weeks now! I have nursed them through 10 or 11 illnesses! The baby was so sick week before last with a fever and cold symptoms(I think he had the flu) that he did nothing for three days but sit on my lap and lay his head on my chest. I've given them more medicines since August then I gave my two kids in their first 5 years combined! I have to ask for my check, last week it was 15.00 short, etc. Just alot of problems that don't help my self-esteem! I find myself totally exhausted by the end of the day from the hassle of it all! By the time I get up at 6am, get my kids up, ready for school and out the door, it's time to go pick up d/c kids. They are here from 8:15-4:15 and it's NONSTOP while they are here. They are very spoiled and demanding kids. The baby is 9 months old and of course, he needs attention! But the older two are 4 and 5 and they demand constant attention too(I have the baby every day but the older two on different days due to preschool, usually never together)! They talk non-stop, all day! I get a little break when the 4 yr old naps, but only if the baby happens to nap at the same time. Today I had the 5 yr old and I swear she was either talking or coughing every minute of the day! They expect you to entertain them constantly and won't do much of anything for themselves.
I've also been a pretty frugal person. We've managed to live on less than 45,000.00 for 15 years with me as a SAHM. When my grandma got sick and then passed away, I shopped as a way of dealing with the pain. While she was sick I bought anything and everything that I thought she might like to eat. If she mentioned it or I saw it and thought she might eat it, I bought it! I also supplied alot of goodies to the house for myself, my mom and aunt and uncle. Comfort foods! Most of this went on our credit cards! After she died, the kids were in school full time, dh had work and I was alone. I shopped, ALOT! Our credit cards are maxed out and we have no savings. I KNOW that I can get us back on the frugal bandwagon and get this paid off and under control. The problem is, I just don't care most days! I can't seem to think straight or focus on much of anything. I am a pretty smart person. I have a decently high IQ, I took college prep classes in high school, graduated 4th in my class, etc. I am not a genius by ANY means, but I'm not dumb either. But I swear, my brain is fogged over! I don't know if it's grief or exhaustion or a combination of both.
Anyhoo.....just needed to vent a little! It's Friday and I am so exhausted that I just want to go to sleep. My ds has what I assume is the flu so he will probably cough all night and keep me awake. Then dh will be in from work at 6:30 and that will wake me up. I wanted to read, but I don't have the energy to turn the pages LOL.
If you made this far without falling asleep, God bless you! And thanks for letting me vent!
Sherri

Hugs Sherri! I did home day care, and I DO NOT reccomend it! Maybe you should let the mom know, at the beginning of the summer, that you don't want to continue after the break? Its not fair for her to take advantage of you, and it doesn't seem like you are passionate about it. JMO. Good luck.
Chrissy
I feel like that alot and I only have my kid(s) to take care of!
Hi Sherri,
Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you may have a touch of depression - though I'm no Doctor. I am however someone who has experienced depression and the fogged over feeling was exactly how I felt. I would recommend talking to your primary dr and see if some meds might help you feel more like yourself, jmo.
As far as the d/c that you are doing, well you are definetly being taken advantage of -- if I read your post right, not only is your friend short-changing you, but you also go pick her kids up??
Thanks for your reply. I too think it might be a little depression, mixed with alot of exhaustion! However I don't want to go on meds because addiction runs in my family and that is just a chance I don't want to take. I also have a couple of friends who have gone on the meds and they will never be able to get off of them now. They just can't function without them. I want to try everything in my power to work through it without meds if possible.
I thought about not doing the d/c after this school year, but to be honest we need the money if we are going to pay off the debts anytime soon. I am really attached to the kids, especially the baby. When they are here, they get top quality care all day and I am very proud of that fact. I do however need to make some changes for next year. I am raising my rates, etc.
Thanks again for your reply!
Sherri
Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards
Thanks for the hugs! I really appreciate having a place to vent and get some support! I think that might do wonders for my problem!
Sherri
Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards
Thanks for the reply! I thought about giving up the d/c but we really need the money. I am actually quite passionate about good quality day care and I am very attached to the kids, especially the baby. I spend my entire day working with the girls, teaching them things, doing crafts, etc. Which of course, leads to my exhaustion. Along with the fact that I NEVER get a minute to myself anymore! If I quit, it's hard to tell where the kids will end up!
Thanks again for your reply and support!
Sherri
Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards