Do you play with your kids ALL DAY?
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| Wed, 02-07-2007 - 2:49pm |
Hi,
I'm a pretty new SAHM of a 3 year old. He is VERY clingy. He has been with a sitter every day since 6 weeks old, where there are a few children his age. I quit my job to stay home in early January - we also have another one on the way in April.
DS requires my constant attention. He NEVER will play alone. Never. He always wants me to play with him, or look at books with him, or do something with him. The only time (and not even always) that he doesn't demand that I do something with him is if he's watching a video like Elmo or Bob the Builder or something.
This is not fun for me. It makes me angry and irritated. I can't even get 5 minutes to myself in a day. He won't even take a nap anymore. When I would have him on the weekends while I was working full-time, I never had a problem with this. But I can't even count on an hour or 2 in the afternoon for a little time.
Today, after trying the nap thing and getting tired of (me)begging for 45 minutes, I finally went into his room and said "Ok, if you're not going to sleep, why don't you spend some time playing in here? By yourself." He started whining and crying. Hello??? Playing!! I wasn't asking him to clean his room!
I'm so frustrated and tired of this. And I'm really conflicted over it. Is that what I'm supposed to do??? Am I supposed to give my toddler undivided attention from morning to bedtime? And do whatever he wants? I mean, there's only so much I can do of blocks and cars and books, etc. It's not that I don't enjoy spending time with him, but why do I have to give him ALL MY TIME??? I just need 5 minutes peace to myself.
Money is definitely an issue right now. I am working on some work at home jobs, but they haven't really started yet. Once they do, I'm hoping we can get a Y membership which will give us some things to do.
Not only do I resent not having 5 minutes to think for myself, but I'm worried about when this baby comes in a few weeks. What am I going to do then? Listen to constant whining and crying for attention in addition to adjusting to another newborn?
I hope I don't sound too bitter, and I'm so sorry if I'm giving the impression that I don't enjoy my son. I do so much, but I just need to find out if it's normal to play with him ALLL DAY, or if I should expect him to have a little independence.
And how can I accomplish this, most importantly??
Thanks!
Emily



Emily,
I can understand your frustration! I have days like that too.
I started staying at home with my 2 little ones in June. My son Judd started daycare when I went back to work full-time when he was 8 weeks old. I stopped by the daycare during my lunch hour to nurse him and he always seemed happy and waved bye-bye when it was time for me to leave -- then all of a sudden, once I was home with him full-time he became a different baby. He wouldn't let me leave his sight and cried anytime I put him down. This lasted about 4 to 6 weeks. I asked his Dr. and he said that me being at home full-time was a big adjustment for Judd too, not just me. He also said maybe Judd was clingy b/c he thought he might be going back to daycare and not staying with me full-time.
Who knows, after all he is only 16 months old now (he was 8 1/2 months when I started staying home) and he can't really verbalize his feelings. Things have gotten alot better, he still has days of extreme clinginess but most of the time he is content and will play. The point of this long reply (sorry) is that your son probably just needs a little bit of time to adjust, he may also be feeling a little anxious about the upcoming baby! I'm sure soon everything will get better. In the meantime I hope you get a little bit of peace and quiet to yourself!!
Good luck! ~Angie
Isn't it wierd how they can change so easily?? My dd just turned 4 and is great while I am at home with her but the minute her daddy walks in she turns into a whiny, needy little girl that wants 100% of dh's time. He gives in pretty much all of the time which I think is the difference.
One thing I know that worked for me when she started trying to do that to me is that I set aside a certain amount of time per hour that I would play exclusively with her. The rest of the hour I did something I needed to do. It wasn't easy b/c for a few days she was right with me begging me during the time that I was busy but she got better - much better. Now she plays pretty much by herself all day while I do the things that I need to and then we play two or three times a day in bigger blocks than what we started out doing. I think it is so important to have both play time with you and by themselves. I hope everything works out! I am sure he will continue to adjust hopefully more before the baby comes than after! :)
Congratulations on the baby also! I am due in May. A little scary isn't it?
Oh hun, take solice that you're not alone, and there is help. This board in particular, the ladies here are chalk full of experience and useful advice. Pretty good friendships too! I'll just start by answering your questions, starting with the topic.
Heck no I don't play with my kids all day. Honestly, I think they'd get sick and tired of me all up in their business. Your case is a bit special though. Your son, he's noticing his little world as he knows it is changing. For all he's know, he had you for a limited amount of time, and now he gets you all day. Big excitement for a child who loves their mommy who loves them, right! But he knows that a new baby is coming?? At any rate, he senses change and is trying to grasp a hold on what he sees as a spiriling-out-of-control world. He is soaking in every last drop of you, for fear.
"Am I supposed to give my toddler undivided attention from morning to bedtime? And do whatever he wants?"
This is the quickest way to raise a narcissistic psychopath. An over inflated sense of self by a fawning indulgent parent is one of the lesser acknowledged and higher damaging forms of child abuse.
You want and NEED time to yourself. He might be at the age where he doesn't need a nap, but that doesn't mean you don't still need the break!! I'll tell you what I did when Caroline was his age. She had a armore in her room with a t.v. and a vhs player. I know I know, awful and evil for a kid to have a t.v. in their room, but it was in a cabinet dresser that she couldn't access with out me!! Anyway, I would give her a sippy, a snack of some sort, put in a video, and tell her that "mommy needs a time out" and to watch the video in her room. Her room was completely child friendly, and I had no qualms about her being in there alone.
Now Caroline was a very complacent child, and all we had to do was tell her and she would stay. With Christopher, and probably with your son, you may have to either put up a baby gate, or put a child-proof cover on the doornob and close his door. Sure he'll cry maybe, but so what honestly? Crying never hurt a three year old. Neither did having a snack and watching a video so that his mommy didn't go insane,Lol!! Then, when the video is over (they're usually about 20-25 minutes long) you go in and hughug kisskiss, "love you lets go play cars!" It may take a week, but I promise you he WILL stop crying and enjoy himself. He has to be taught how to entertain himself, and the farther away you do that from the birth of his sibling the easier it will be on him and the less his sibling resentment (if any) will be.
"I hope I don't sound too bitter, and I'm so sorry if I'm giving the impression that I don't enjoy my son."
Lol, Hoooo girrl! You're talkin to a bunch of SAHM's here. No SAHM here would hold judgement against you for this feeling, because we've ALL been there! We all know the feeling.
Hi Emily,
I feel for you.
Thank you so much for your ideas - and your sympathy =). I'm so relieved to know that it's probably just a phase and he needs some adjustment time. I'm going to give your suggestions a try and see how things go.
It sounds like May is going to be a busy baby month around here!!
~Emily